STRUGGLE
by Lord Thibault
Summary: This third story follows on from my previous stories Exile and Recall. Back home in the Steelbelt Ranges, Akkarin and Sonea have to come to terms with what has happened to their son. Will they be able to find out what sort of magician Justen is and can they prevent him from taking control of magic in the Allied Lands? A story with multiple POVs.
1. New Beginnings

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan.

 **New Beginnings**

Akkarin glanced surreptitiously across at Sonea. She was coping well with the horse for which he was very grateful. There was a long hard journey ahead of them and he could not be sure that there wouldn't be search parties looking for them, once their absence was discovered, so speed was important. He didn't want to have to slow down if it could possibly be avoided. As a more than competent rider himself, he still could not understand how, after so many years of practice, Sonea still had trouble with horses. He smiled to himself, remembering her masquerade as Jalette. To choose to pretend to be someone who was well known as an excellent rider with a liking for headstrong horses, when you rode like Sonea was the height of madness. Still, he had to admit, she had stuck to her task and in the end had had something of the measure of the horse.

That was one of the things he admired about her, that she put herself completely, body, heart and soul, into her task, whatever it was, and kept going until she succeeded. It had been difficult for a man like himself, one used to a lonely path without the emotional ties other men had to lovers, to find himself unsettled by the hostile young Novice who had come to live in his home. As time went on, his feelings of disquiet had grown until one day, to his complete surprise, he realised that he desired his Novice, a desire which showed no signs of abating, indeed it seemed to grow stronger day by day.

He had concealed his desires and fought long and hard against them. He had succeeded too. All the time they had been Guardian and Novice, he prided himself on the fact that she had no idea what he was thinking when he looked at her. Even after he had initiated her into the practice of black magic, there was nothing in his demeanour beyond that of a Warrior grateful for an ally in his battles against cunning foes.

 _It was exile that changed everything_. Thrown together with nothing but each other, in a hostile environment where death was only a moment away, had brought Sonea's feelings for him to a new level. He had watched her and seen in her surface thoughts and in her body language the old familiar stirrings of infatuation he had seen in many other young magicians, both male and female, over the years. In the Guild, it was easy to distance himself from those affected but this tactic was not available to him in the wastelands.

So he had fallen back on coldness, refusing to acknowledge her contribution to their partnership, trying to force her to hate him again. All to no avail. He saw with increasing dismay how her feelings for him grew deeper and stronger, despite everything he did to discourage her. That left only one option – to abandon her immediately they reached Kyralia again. Cut her out of his life quickly and cleanly. But in the end, even that was not possible. Once the dying Ichani had seen her face, and transmitted that image through the blood gem she wore, he knew he could not leave Sonea alone to face an Ichani attack.

At this point in his musings, Akkarin noticed that the sky was lightening as the Eye set and the sun began to rise. They had been riding for some hours now and all of them felt it was time to stop and eat. He had previously decided to avoid inns close to Imardin just in case there were people watching out for them, so Taken had brought sufficient supplies to meet their needs for a day or so.

As soon as he called a halt, Sonea slid gratefully from the saddle and stretched out on the grass, ignoring the dampness. Akkarin felt the slight tingling which told him she was using Healing. Leaving Sonea to her aches and pains, and Taken to his food preparation, Akkarin slipped away unnoticed.

He headed for an area of rising land close by. It was not really high enough to be called a hill, it was more of a hillock, but it would suit his purpose. When he reached the top, he slid a hand into his clothing and fumbled until he found the talisman, which hung on a chain around his neck. It was the one he had recently made from stone he had taken from Corres Fort. The stone held a powerful magic put there hundreds of years ago when magicians built the Fort, using a form of higher magic now lost to the Guild. It was this potent magic hidden deep within each block of stone which made the Fort almost impossible to conquer. Only an experienced black magician would have been able to drain the magic from the stone to render the Fort vulnerable, and to do that he would need to crumble the Fort, stone by stone. As Akkarin grasped the talisman, he felt it grow much warmer in his hand as its magic reached out to him. This magic within the stone merged with and intensified his own and enabled him to wield even more power than usual. Using it as a focus, he sent his magic out to listen for any mental conversations.

At first, the sendings were a jumble of different mental voices, some very distant, others closer to hand, but it didn't take him long to untangle the various conversations. He listened for a few minutes until he was satisfied that there was nothing which related to Sonea or himself. He spent some more time questing for other magic users nearby. There were a few some distance away, but none close by except Sonea who, it appeared was still in need of some Healing.

By the time he returned to their temporary camp, Taken had prepared platters of bread, cold meat, cheese and fruit. He had also made tea, heating water over a small fire. Justen was sitting nearby, concentrating on the food in front of him. Sonea too was already eating and looked up as he came to sit down next to her.

"If you want first choice, you shouldn't go wandering off," she said with a grin as another slice of bread topped with meat disappeared into her mouth. She always seemed to have a good appetite and today was no exception.

Takan pushed a mug of tea into his hand and edged the platters closer to him.

"Eat!" he growled. Akkarin pulled a face, Takan was always complaining that he didn't eat enough. Takan stared back at him, "Eat!" he repeated.

After they had eaten, and Takan had packed away his equipment, they set off again. They skirted the town of Coldbridge and continued their quick pace. Akkarin wanted to reach home as quickly as possible. His absence from the Guild would soon become apparent to those who wished him ill. It was certain they would spread dark tales of where he was or what he was doing. Others, aware of the rule that prospective High Lords had to be present for the election, would consider looking for him. It wouldn't take long either for Merin to hear about it and there was no telling then what he would do. Akkarin couldn't rule out the idea that Merin might try to have him kidnapped and held in the Guild until after the election.

It had been a long time since Akkarin had seen Merin in a rage, but when he realised that nothing he could say or do would make his old friend offer himself for re-election, the King's eyes had narrowed and his face became white. Then he had become very quiet, always a bad sign. Not wishing to add more fuel to the fire of Merin's anger, Akkarin had bowed deeply and left without waiting for permission. He had a feeling that if he saw the king again, it would not be a pleasant experience.

After another rest break for a mid-day meal, they continued their journey, but this time at a slower pace. They were well away from Imardin and Akkarin didn't want to overtire the horses. Justen came to ride next to his father and was full of questions about everything they passed. Now that the boy had mastered the art of sending, it was as if he wanted to make up for lost time. Words tumbled out ceaselessly and Justen scarcely waited for a response before asking another question. All the while he dealt with his son's queries, on another level, Akkarin was straining to sense the Other.

He hoped that Sonea had not realised just how worried he was about Justen. It had been a tremendous shock to be confronted by the Other when he got to the centre of the boy's mind. What he found there was not what he expected at all. The longer the conversation between them went on, the more apprehensive Akkarin became. When Sonea eventually found her way to where they were, her surprise was apparent and it was only Akkarin's mental commands which prevented her from speaking out.

He didn't know why yet, but Akkarin strongly believed that the less the Other knew about their concerns, the better. Knowing Sonea's impulsive nature, he was anxious the whole time that she would blurt something out. Luckily, for once, she did not.

It was fortunate the Other did not want to join the Guild. Once there, Akkarin feared he and Sonea would have had a much looser relationship with their son. Justen would also have been open to the influences of others, for good or bad, which would have been difficult to handle. Now, however, by going back to the isolation of the Steelbelt Ranges, they would have time to try to unpick exactly what sort of magician the Other was and, Akkarin fervently hoped, find a way of dealing with him.

He mentally ran through the list of books he had ordered from his contact. There would be a delay before Takan would be able to collect them from the inn at Galia, but it was important that they did not wait for the books, but started work to understand exactly what it was that made Justen and the Other so different. Unfortunately, at the moment, he had no idea what it was or, more importantly, how to deal with it.

He glanced over at Sonea. She was a catalyst for change in all of his plans. He had called her his wild card, his unknown quantity, when discussing her role in defeating the Ichani at Corres Fort and it was true. Frequently, he only had a hazy idea of how she would act in a particular set of circumstances, all he knew was that her actions, in the end, would be successful and significant change would occur. It was his hope that in the case of Justen and the Other, Sonea's influence would lead them to success.

She looked over at him and saw him staring. He was amused to see the tell-tale blush start to creep up her face until she used magic to subdue it. _How long has it been_ _since I discovered such delight in her body? How long since I released the passion within her? So many years, and yet we do not tire of each other._ He felt the beginnings of desire and ruthlessly crushed the emotion. There was no time for anything except the journey home.

They camped for the night on the edge of woodland, close to a stream. Takan was his usual efficient self with regard to meals. They ate quickly then Sonea went to collect dried grasses and leaves to make sleeping places. No one felt like talking, so as soon as the places were ready, they rolled themselves in their cloaks and tried to get some sleep.

Akkarin woke suddenly. He had been dreaming, but couldn't recall what about. Sonea was asleep next to him, her head on his chest and one arm flung across his body. He tried not to disturb her as he turned his head slightly to see if there was anything or anyone sniffing around their camp, but all seemed normal.

 _Did I wake you?_ The words were followed by a soft laugh. Akkarin felt a chill run up his spine. The Other!

 _Yes you did. Do you want something?_

He heard the laugh again, then, _Your dreams are interesting Verrin. I have walked in many dreams but none like yours._

 _Dreams are private, Justen. Like entering a mind, entering dreams should only happen by invitation._

There was silence for a moment and Akkarin wondered if the mild rebuke would deter the Other. It seemed it would because the boy responded with, _I am sorry, Verrin, I didn't know. I have much to learn and you will teach me._

Akkarin let his breath out slowly, _Yes, Justen, Syma and I will teach you everything you need to know. Sleep now, we have a long journey tomorrow._

He heard the boy turn over and soon his regular breathing indicated he had fallen asleep. But sleep would not come for Akkarin. Here was something else which demonstrated just how different Justen was. There was no recent history of dream walking as far as Akkarin knew. Older texts sometimes referred to it as something their more primitive ancestors had done, but it was a skill lost, like so many, to the Guild. He went over as much Guild history as he could remember, trying to recollect any reference there might have been to dream walking, but nothing came to mind. He was still awake when first light began to brighten the darkness.

The second day of their journey passed very much like the first. They kept up a moderate pace and avoided towns and villages. By afternoon, they were beginning to climb as the ground rose ahead of them and the first glimpses of the Steelbelt Ranges began to appear. They slept that night in the countryside not far from Galia, despite Sonea's pleas that they stay at the inn. Akkarin was still concerned that his whereabouts might be noticed and passed on, so he refused to even consider going into the town.

"But no-one knows you except as Captain Verrin," Sonea argued. "We all have a perfect right to be in Galia and staying at the inn!"

"No, Sonea. I said no and I mean it." He made his voice cold and dispassionate. "We will sleep outside until we reach our home."

Sonea could see there was no way he would change his mind, but she wasn't happy. When they settled for sleep, she kept her back towards him and refused to answer when he spoke to her. _She is such a child_ , he thought in amusement, _but I would not wish to be without her now_ ,

It was late afternoon on the third day that they came up the mountain trail which led to their valley. Justen was in high spirits, eager to push on in front and even Takan seemed pleased at the thought of returning to his kitchen.

It wasn't long before they left the trail and entered their valley. The sun was shining and the air was fresh. It was only a matter of minutes for Akkarin and Sonea to undo the magic which had hidden the true state of their home behind a false image of ruins and neglect. The land and buildings were revealed once more, in excellent condition. Sonea, her bad mood of the previous night forgotten, turned to Akkarin, smiling broadly, "Home at last! Now we can look forward to a new beginning, just the four of us again."

"Yes," he replied, "a new beginning."


	2. Home Comforts

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan.

 **Home Comforts**

Sonea stared at the ever-growing pile of bundles Takan was unloading from the pack horses. Whatever else Akkarin had been doing during his recent absence from the Guild, he had also been spending widely and generously. There were bundles full of thick clothing for them all as well as books and toys for Justen. The larger bundles contained warm rugs, bed covers, small soft carpets as well as rolls of thick woven material she could make into curtains.

She unrolled the rugs. They were from Elyne and were in the bright hues she remembered from Akkarin's study and private rooms in the Residence, all crimsons, greens and blues in swirls of strong colours. Part of her was slightly irritated that he had not thought to consult her regarding colours, after all, this was her home too, but she had to admit that it had been Akkarin who had thought to purchase some of the desperately needed extras to make their home snug against the bitter winters of the Steelbelt Ranges. She had not given it a thought during her time in Imardin. The carpets, covers and the material were of the same bold colours and she had to admit that they would cheer up their rooms, bringing a brightness to the fairly subdued patterns and shades they had become used to.

She looked around the main room. It was rather dusty and there were several webs in the corners and hanging from the beams. Although she had long ago promised herself not to use magic for ordinary tasks, she could not resist cleaning away the dirt and webs from the entire building in seconds with only a little magic used. Now, she could lay down the rugs and carpets or move furniture without having to wait.

There was a clatter at the door, as Takan, his arms full of yet more bundles, tripped over a half-unrolled rug and dropped everything. He muttered a few choice words under his breath and waved her away as she rushed to help pick up the packages. These were smaller and obviously contained books and parchments. Sonea hoped that none were damaged, otherwise she would never hear the end of it. She helped Takan to pile them on the nearby tables. They could be sorted out when they had more time.

A moment later, Akkarin appeared, also loaded down with bundles. "Just how much did you manage to pack on those horses?" she asked him tartly, wondering where she could stack the new arrivals.

"It's all a question of understanding where to stow particular things and balance the load for the horses," he replied with just a hint of condescension. "It will not be long to winter, and I would rather use the horses to carry food and other necessities than carpets and material, when we come back from Galia. Besides I don't want to be seen spending a lot of money in the town. It would raise many questions I would rather not provoke."

"But now we have four extra pack animals to find fodder for, it was difficult enough before, how are we going to manage now?"

Takan laughed and, opening one of the bundles, showed her the many packets of seeds it contained. "I intend to grow more food, including cereals for the animals. There's a flattish section of land a few minutes walk from the back of the house which is quite a good size. I will plant the grain there. There should be enough for the horses and sufficient grain for porridge and bread for us too."

It was one of Takan's longer statements. He didn't speak much most of the time and Sonea supposed that most of his conversations with Akkarin were through their blood gem link. It said much for his enthusiasm for growing food, as well as cooking it, that he spoke so fully.

"Takan thinks he could train one of the horses to pull a plough, so it should be possible to cultivate much more of the land around here," Akkarin added.

Sonea was surprised. None of this had been discussed during the almost seven years they had lived here before. _Why now?_ A moment's reflection gave her the answer. Previously, there had been the unspoken agreement that their home in the Steelbelt Ranges was a temporary location, now the feeling seemed to be that this would be their permanent home.

They spent the rest of the day sorting through the various bundles and distributing their contents. The small room they grandly called the library soon found its book shelves completely full, with the extra books having to be piled up on the table. Their cupboards of clothing were full to bursting and Sonea didn't think she could squeeze in even a single thin summer shirt in any of them. Justen had enough books to satisfy even his appetite for learning and he spent most of his time arranging and rearranging them until they fitted some pattern he had in his mind. Takan took several packages of spices and other foodstuffs to his kitchen and wasn't seen for some time. Eventually the hint of a fragrant stew began to leak into the house.

Feeling rather sticky after her long ride, as well as the work involved in the stowing of possessions, Sonea decided to take a bath. She was very fond of bathing and had persuaded Akkarin to create a bathing area in one of the barns almost as soon as they began to occupy the then semi-derelict buildings. It was not far from the stream, so diverting water into the barn was easy. There it filled a large stone tank which could be emptied, with just a small wisp of magic, into a large bath. Heating the water only took a bit more magic, and Sonea had her perfect bathing conditions.

She lay back in the water. The bath was large, taking two people with ease, and sometimes Akkarin joined her. She thought about him now, wishing he were here, so that they could be alone for once. They needed to talk about Justen and what they were going to do. But her mind was not on that pressing matter. Instead she was remembering the long lean lines of his body, the muscles sculpted and toned by his Warrior training and later by the exercises he continued to perform daily. She closed her eyes and imagined his hands caressing her limbs. It was a long time since they had felt free enough for long slow love making and she missed it. She considered sending to him, but almost immediately dismissed the idea. She was afraid he would decline to join her and she was not prepared for that disappointment. _Anyway, there is tonight_ , she told herself. _Just the two of us alone in the bed…_

She completed her bathing instead and changed into clean clothing. Another small burst of magic emptied the bath, leaving it clean and ready for her next session. Emerging from the barn, she lingered to take a long look at the valley surrounded by the peaks of the Steelbelt Ranges marching into the far distance. There was the faint sound of birdsong and the air felt fresh and clean. _I really missed all of this,_ she thought. _Who would have thought that a city child like me could take so readily to living high up in the mountains away from civilisation?_

Her feelings of happiness at being home continued into the evening. Takan produced one of his impressive stews which they finished very quickly, using the last of their bread to mop out the bowls so that nothing was wasted. They sat in companionable silence for a while afterwards, Takan and Justen with glasses of fruit juice and she and Akkarin with their favourite dark red wine.

"I wonder what is happening in Imardin," Sonea murmured, breaking the silence. "They will have realised we have gone. I wonder if they will look for us."

 _They will not find us,_ Justen sent. _This place is not easily noticed, unless you know the area well._

 _You are correct, Justen. We do not want unwelcome visitors. You must be careful when sending to us, we don't want others to hear._

Justen stared at his father. _I don't understand_ , _I don't know how to do it differently._

Akkarin smiled at him, _That will be your first lesson in magic. We will start tomorrow and Syma and I will show you how to control who hears your messages._

Justen was excited about having his first proper lessons and demanded that they start now, but Sonea persuaded him that they were tired from the journey and that a fresh start in the morning would be best. Justen reluctantly allowed himself to be taken off to bed, on the understanding that the sooner he was asleep, the sooner the morning would come.

By the time Sonea returned, Takan had disappeared so it was just Akkarin sitting before the fire, sipping his wine. He poured a fresh glass for her and they sat quietly for a time, immersed in their own thoughts. Sonea was not thinking deep thoughts though, rather she was wondering how soon it would be decided they should retire for the night. She started to say so, several times, but changed her mind at the last minute. At last, Akkarin swallowed the last of his wine and stood up, holding out his hand to her. "Time for sleep," he said.

Sonea couldn't tell if he meant exactly that, or whether he was teasing her. She put her hand in his, _We'll see_ , she thought feeling desire begin to stir in her belly, _who falls asleep first…._

As they made their way upstairs, she wondered if Akkarin would approve of her changes to their chamber. She had chosen Warrior scarlet as the main colour theme for the room, choosing rugs predominately in that colour. The new cover for the bed was scarlet, with a deep green pattern in the centre and along the edges, and she had already picked out some material to make into curtains which would continue the colour scheme. Akkarin was proud of his discipline and the more she thought about it, the more convinced Sonea was that had she stayed in the Guild for graduation, she, too, would have chosen to join the Warriors, so it seemed appropriate that the one room in the building which was truly their own should reflect their calling.

The room seemed to meet with Akkarin's approval as he stood in the doorway and looked around, before pulling her towards him for a kiss.

"A good choice," he murmured and she wondered afterwards if it were just the room he was talking about.

Soon they were immersed in each other, giving and receiving pleasure, their passion building until it reached its climax, leaving them breathless from the forces they had released. In the aftermath, Sonea settled against him, her head resting on his chest, her arms around him, holding him close. For once, she didn't feel sleepy, her whole body was still tingling from the sensations her lover had aroused. She was hoping that they would be able to repeat the experience in a little while. But Akkarin seemed more interested in talking for the moment. He began to tell her about the incident on their journey when Justen seemed to have the ability to walk in other people's dreams.

"I've never heard of that," Sonea whispered, conscious that Justen was only in the next room. "Can you do it?"

Akkarin shook his head, "No, it is a skill lost many years ago. I remember reading about it during my studies into the history of magic, but I can't recall when the last example was mentioned in the records. I don't think the boy knows how he does it. It is something the Other can do, and he has not told Justen how."

"The Other?"

"Yes. We are dealing with two entities. One is our son, who is not yet seven years old who is gifted in magic but lacks training. The Other is a much more capable and powerful magician who instinctively knows how to perform certain skills. In many respects he is a lot older than Justen. He too needs some training but we must take care with how we approach his lessons. We don't want him to become even more powerful. He is able to control Justen's magic and the boy himself. Potentially he is very dangerous. We will always see the physical appearance of Justen, our son, but we must never forget that there are two very different beings in one body. To help us remember, we need to call the second entity something, and the Other seems to fit the bill.

Sonea nodded. She remembered the very different personality she had encountered within Justen's mind and the fear she felt.

"This name sounds very scary," she whispered.

"Good, it will help us remember the danger," Akkarin replied.

 _I just want my son back. That means I want the Other to cease to exist._ She could see the risks involved in trying to control the more dangerous entity. Untrained as he was, he was already powerful. She only hoped that Akkarin knew how to solve the problem. But when she looked into his eyes, she sensed a deep hidden worry there. _Perhaps Akkarin has finally met something he cannot deal with._


	3. Books

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan.

 **Books**

Akkarin looked down at the sleeping Sonea. As always, she was wrapped around him, her head on his chest, her arms and legs entwined with his. Their lovemaking had been long and passionate; a perfect release after their recent experiences safeguarding Corres Fort and then dealing with the aftermath. He was always surprised, even after so many years, at just how passionate Sonea could be and how she was able to set his own desires on fire. This night had been no exception. There had been an eagerness about their preparations for sleeping, both knowing that sleep would be postponed until their appetites had been sated.

Sonea had fallen asleep almost immediately after their final bout but he had been unable to close his mind to the thoughts racing around his head. Like many times previously, he tried to pinpoint exactly what it was about Sonea which caused him to constantly overcome his deep reservations about their relationship. He already knew it would be of little use. He had been endeavouring to solve the puzzle that was his involvement with a young, headstrong magician ever since the first time they had coupled. There were times when he thought of Sonea as an intellectual conundrum to which there was an answer and given enough time, one he could discover. Most of the time, however, he recognised that there was no easy answer, if one at all. _Perhaps it is better not to seek to unravel the puzzle._

Against him, Sonea moved a little and murmured something too softly for him to catch. He adjusted his body so that she was once more lying comfortably. She smiled in her sleep and he thought he heard her speak his name. She tightened her arms around him and mumbled something else, her eyes moving from side to side under her closed lids. He wondered what she was dreaming about and that thought reminded him of his concerns about Justen's new skill.

He lay still for a while, trying to remember what he knew about dream walkers, but it was of little use. He knew from experience that sleep would not come while his mind was so active, so he decided not to waste any more time. He slowly untangled himself from Sonea, hoping she would not wake. It took a few minutes, but he accomplished his task without disturbing her. He lit a weak globe light, just sufficient to locate his cloak and, wrapping it closely around him, made his way downstairs to his library.

Once there, he closed the door and kindled the fire in the grate, making it burn brightly and spread its warmth. The nights were already chilly in the Steelbelt Ranges, even though it was barely autumn. He made more globe lights and spread them around the room. There was some sort of order in the books on the shelves, but there were many more simply piled up wherever there was a space. He was unsure of where to look exactly so resigned himself to a long process of combing each of his books and parchments for any reference which would help to explain exactly what it was Justen, or rather the Other, could do.

There had been no time to sort the new arrivals, so he resorted to simply picking up the top book from the nearest pile, settled himself in his chair and began to read.

An hour later, with a growing pile of discarded books at his feet, he was no nearer to learning anything new than he had been at the beginning. He had long suspected that none of his books would contain anything of real use. When he had purchased the latest books, he had had no idea that Justen had developed a lost skill. What he needed was access to a much larger range of books than he had here so that his search could be much wider.

 _But the University's Library is out of reach!_ He began to wonder if he should have stayed concealed in Imardin, so he could use the passages to visit the library undetected. It would have been the sensible thing to do, but he knew that any suggestion that Sonea and Justen return home without him would have instantly caused Sonea to find ways of staying behind as well, despite any argument he would make to the contrary. He could not risk leaving Justen with only Takan to look after him. His servant would see to the boy's physical well-being, but with no magician to monitor what the Other was learning, the risk was too great to even consider.

Akkarin got up and began to pace. Usually he found this helped his thinking but this time, the expected calmness and clarity of thought did not come. He needed more books and he needed them quickly. There was no escaping that essential fact. Money was no longer a concern, what with the payment from the King for his work as King's Magician, coupled with the revenues from Sonea's estate, so he could afford to pick and choose from the books that were offered for sale. He had a network of contacts who, no questions asked, could be directed to search for particular volumes. They in turn had their own contacts who could pass on information about book sales, both legal and illegal. Magicians were not supposed to supply books about magic to anyone who asked, but to carefully screen any potential customers and selling those sorts of books to non-magicians was absolutely forbidden. However, there were always feckless magicians who had fallen on hard times and needed money. With the right amount of gold and silver coin on offer, there were ways round the law. Akkarin's contacts had always managed to fulfil his orders in the past. He paid them well so they were keen to keep his business. They had been very effective at finding even the most obscure texts and he had no reason to think they would not be so again. All he needed to do was to think carefully about texts which would give him the information he needed. That was easier said than done and would require a lot of careful thought.

However, there was a further problem. His identity in Gala had been firmly established as retired sea captain Verrin, come to live at his family's old farm somewhere in the mountains. It was widely known that he made purchases and sent his servant to collect his goods from the inn from time to time. It had not seemed too unusual for a sea captain to purchase a few books over the years to help him while away the hours in his retirement, so the occasional book-shaped package waiting for him at the inn had not caused any interest. The books were well wrapped, so no-one knew the subject matter and as far as anyone knew, they were farming texts. Now, however, he was in need of much larger numbers and to have so many delivered to the inn for collection would create unwelcome gossip. People might begin to wonder just what a seaman would want with endless supplies of reading material. Perhaps someone would be tempted to open a package and that would spell disaster.

"I need to find a better way," he muttered to himself, "but what?"

Now that he was re-established at home, he intended to start up his smuggling network again. Although the original intention had been to generate coin to support their life in the mountains, that was no longer a priority. However, the network did help him keep in touch with what was happening in the country generally. There were five men who reported to him regularly, passing on rumours, gossip and the occasional gem of real news. _Perhaps I can use them to collect books_ , he thought. _Yes, it may work, but it requires careful planning. I must not arouse their suspicions either._

He returned to his task of searching the new books in a much happier frame of mind. The dawn light was just showing faintly at the window edges when he sensed movement near to him. He turned to find Sonea standing by his chair, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"I woke up, alone as usual and wondered where you were, so I came downstairs to find you, and saw light under the library door," she said. "What are you searching for?"

"Trying to find anything, anything at all about Justen's new skill," he smiled ruefully, "but without much success."

"Shall I help?"

He indicated a pile of books saying he hadn't got round to those yet. Sonea grabbed a couple from the top and, pulling her chair closer to the fire, began to flick through the pages.

Silence reigned for some time, broken only by the occasional sigh, and the sound of books being discarded. Akkarin glanced at his companion. She was sitting with her legs curled under her body, her head propped on a hand, turning the pages of a rather large, old book. She was a picture of concentration, the tip of her tongue just visible between her lips. She reminded him of the diligent student of black magic she had been during their time in the Residence, spending hours studying the texts he had given her without complaint. She had had an appetite for learning which novices from the Houses seemed to lack. He had been surprised at the speed with which she had picked up knowledge and learned to use it. _She was the perfect companion for my war against the Ichani_.

She glanced up and caught his gaze. He could see the faint colour start to stain her cheeks before she used magic to supress it. It always amused him that the passionate creature he found in his bed could turn into an easily embarrassed young woman outside it.

"Have you found something?" she asked.

"No, and I fear that we will not discover anything useful."

She sighed and let the heavy book slip on to the pile by her chair. It sat there for a moment, before tipping sideways, bringing the others down with a crash. She smothered an exclamation and rushed to stop the resulting cascade of books from bringing down further piles. Akkarin couldn't prevent a laugh escaping him and she looked up, mock anger on her face, "You think this is funny, I suppose!"

"It was from where I was sitting," he said as he began to help her shore up the various stacks.

Once the books had been stabilised, they both sat down again, tired of combing through often dense texts without success. From beyond their library, they could hear Takan stirring in the kitchen. It would not be long before breakfast would be ready.

"Shall we stop for the moment? Justen will be wanting his first proper magic lesson soon and I think I need a big breakfast in order to get ready for that."

"Yes," Akkarin agreed, "Justen will be quite a demanding student, I think. We had better be prepared for some awkward questions."


	4. Forgetfulness

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Forgetfulness**

Justen woke to find himself, like so many mornings recently, huddled in a heap on the floor with no memory of how he got there. He shivered, his legs were bare and he couldn't feel his toes. He stumbled to his feet and quickly slid into bed. The covers were cold which meant he had been out of it for some time.

He lay huddled under the covers trying to get warm again and thought back to the last thing he remembered. After being put into bed, he had looked at one of his books. He remembered spending a lot of time looking at pictures of horses, trying to see if any resembled his own animal, Star. Then he put the book down and closed his eyes. Yes, that was the last thing he remembered. There were no dreams to recall, just the silent blackness of sleep, until he woke up.

When it had first started happening to him, he had been very frightened. He was living in the big house then, and he would wake to find himself in a strange room, or in one of the passages with no memory of setting out from his bed chamber. He would hurry back to his room before anyone found him because he suspected that he would be in trouble for wandering around when he was supposed to be in bed. It was such a big house, so different from his home that sometimes, it was difficult to find his room again. One night he had spent a long time roaming around the house trying to find his way. In the dark, the house was frightening with all sorts of strange objects in the rooms. Even the most innocent piece of furniture took on a new life in the shadows. Justen had not liked the experience one little bit.

However, after the third or fourth time, he began to lose his fear. Nothing particularly bad happened to him, apart from the feeling of being lost and alone, so he would simply go back to his room. He thought long about it, though, trying to get to the bottom of what was happening. In the beginning he had attempted to ask Taken about it, but the servant didn't understand what he was describing. He had meant to ask Syma when she visited, but somehow he forgot to mention it. Later, he thought it was better that she should not know. He didn't know why exactly, but perhaps it was something he needed to work out for himself.

He had managed to work a lot of things out for himself. He could talk to Syma and Verrin now. It was a pity he couldn't talk to Takan in the same way, though. He didn't understand why Takan couldn't hear him. Takan had the same bright sparkling thing inside him that Syma and Verrin had, although it was not so bright, so he should be able to hear, but Justen had tried and tried, but it was no use.

He had always been able to see the sparkling thing, right from the time he was very small, but it was only recently that he discovered it was magic. He had it himself, although he couldn't see his own magic, he could just do it.

Magic, such a wonderful word! Justen wished that just once he could shout out the word, so everyone could hear but he had long ago accepted that he would never be able to make sounds. He had watched his parents move their mouths and gradually had been able to work out what they were saying but he never heard their voices until he learned how to hear in his head.

He recognised each mental voice; that was easy. Syma had a light, pretty mental voice, while Verrin's was clear, firm and much deeper. Sometimes, when he was living in Imardin, he could hear other voices too, each one so different, he was able to listen to particular conversations. He learned some very interesting things from listening to other mental voices. At lot of it he didn't fully understand, but some of it was about magic, and to those, he listened very carefully.

That way, he had learned to use his magic. He could create little moving images of people and things, but they were very small and didn't last long, disappearing with a silent pop. He decided to ask Verrin about that trick when his lessons started. He could also move small items about his room; that was very useful when he wanted to get a book, or put a toy away. _But I want to learn much more!_ He couldn't wait to start his proper lessons. _Later today!_

He pulled the covers tightly around him, he was still cold. He had hoped that whatever was happening to him would only happen in the big house and that when he was home again, it would stop. But this morning he had found out that was not so.

 _Should I tell Verrin?_ He knew that Verrin was his father who loved him, but he was rather in awe of him. He wasn't a bit like Syma, who smiled at lot and hugged him. Verrin rarely hugged, just a pat on the back now and again and a few words of praise when he got something right. Verrin also didn't smile very much, although Justen had to admit that he was patient and answered a lot of questions in a way that he could understand. And yet, Justen didn't feel able to tell his father about the strange things which were happening to him. _I shall just keep it to myself_ , he decided. _I will tell him when I have worked it all out_.

Justen clapped his hand over his mouth in horror. He was dressed and sitting at the table, his breakfast in front of him, a half-eaten bread roll on his plate with a piece of fruit.

 _What's the matter, Justen?_ Syma sounded surprised. She leaned over to him and looked anxiously into his face. _Do you feel sick? Did you eat something which upset you?_

Justen couldn't answer, he was too afraid. _How did I get here? I don't remember getting dressed!_ This was something new. He had never forgotten something during the day, before.

 _Justen?_

He fought feelings of panic. He had to be calm for Syma otherwise she would fuss, he would cry, then everyone would want to know what was wrong and he couldn't explain properly and besides, he had decided this would be his secret for now. He smiled weakly at his mother _, Sorry, Syma, I just remembered I forgot to brush Star properly yesterday._

Syma frowned for a moment, as if she didn't believe him, then brushed his hair back from his forehead, _Don't worry, I'm sure he's all right._

He looked around, _Where's Verrin?_ he asked anxiously, concerned that the promised lesson in magic would not happen.

 _He will be back soon._

Justen finished his breakfast quickly, then helped Takan clear away the platters and cups. He was back in the room, eager to start almost before his mother had missed him. Verrin was still not back, but Justen hoped the lesson could start anyway. Syma had magic too, he could see it clearly. It was almost as bright as Verrin's, so she should be able to teach him.

 _Can we start? Can we?_

But Syma shook her head, _We must wait for Verrin, he won't be long._

However, to impatient Justen it did seem a long time before Verrin came in from outside, sliding his cloak from his shoulders before putting away the pouch he was carrying.

Before long, they were seated round the table in the library. Justen had rarely ventured into this room, so he looked around eagerly. It was on the small side, rather than grand, especially as there were many shelves of books lining the walls and a rather large fireplace at one end all contributing to the feeling of closeness. There was an unusual smell too. Justen breathed it in, trying to decide what it was, it was musty, with hints of the sort of smell he'd noticed from Star's harness and there was something else mixed in, a sharp smell he had never come across before, a smell that was almost alive.

 _Magic!_

The thought popped into his head from nowhere but he knew it was true. He could smell the magic drifting from the books and parchments in the room.

 _I can smell it!_

Verrin looked at him sharply, _Smell what, Justen?_

 _Magic, I can smell magic!_

Verrin and Syma exchanged a long silent look, then both turned to look at him. Justen was puzzled by their reaction. They had magic inside them, just like he did, so he thought they must be able to smell it too. But he began to think they didn't understand.

 _What does it smell like?_ Verrin asked.

Justen struggled to explain and he could see that his parents couldn't really smell the same thing. He stored that bit of information – _Syma and Verrin can't do some things that I can do._

The morning passed quickly as Justen concentrated on the small magic tasks he was given. He learned to focus his mental conversations so that only Syma and Verrin could hear. He didn't quite understand why no one else should know that magicians lived in the house, but he wasn't particularly interested. All that mattered was he could complete the tasks he was given.

Verrin showed him how to make his little figure creations larger, but they still tended to disappear very quickly. That was something he needed to work on. Syma showed him a better way to move objects and he found he could lift quite big books with ease. He was rather disappointed when Verrin said that was all he would learn today and pleaded for more tuition.

 _You need to practise the tasks you have been given, before we teach you anything else_ , his father said firmly and Syma nodded agreement.

 _Besides_ , Verrin continued, _Syma and I have our own studying to do. You never really stop learning about magic and we still have things to learn._

Justen considered this, his head on one side, a frown creasing his forehead. He hadn't known that his parents were still learning about magic. They were quite old and he had thought they had finished learning a long time ago. He was rather dismayed by the direction his thoughts were taking. He wanted to know it all, then he could use magic all day every day, creating wonderful things and surprising people. He wanted people to look at him in astonishment and wonder, not knowing how he could do such amazing things. Now it seemed, he would never be in the position of knowing it all. He would have to be a student all his life.

 _Unless you are cleverer than Syma and Verrin._

That thought came out of nowhere and at first Justen dismissed it. How could he be cleverer than Verrin? But, as he began to get used to the idea, he wondered if it were true and he would be a better magician, a faster learner and a more powerful user of magic that both of his parents. The thought pleased him.


	5. Challenge

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Challenge**

Sonea looked across to where Akkarin lay sprawled on the grass, his eyes closed, the absolute picture of relaxation. She frowned, it was just like him to shut everything else out! She, on the other hand, could not relax. The morning's lessons with Justen had gone well, but she could not stop thinking about his assertion that he could smell magic. She had never heard of such a thing. It had never been mentioned in any lesson she had attended, nor described in any of the texts she had studied.

 _Do the Ichani smell magic_?

As with everything that concerned her son, Sonea could not help believing that the strikes from the Ichani which had hit her while she was pregnant had changed the baby in her womb. It was a constant heavy weight she could not shift from her conscience, made all the more heavy because she had never confided her fears to Akkarin. The longer time had gone on, the more impossible it had become to even hint at it.

 _Akkarin would know if the Ichani could smell magic._

There was a lot that Akkarin knew about the Ichani and the magic they practised. He had lived among them as a slave for some years, but he had rarely spoken of that time. Sonea had learned painfully that asking questions risked him retreating into his cold, distant, unapproachable self. The only things she knew were from the occasional snippets of information he let slip from time to time. So, she would not ask him about Justen's latest ability and what he knew about it directly. She would have to think of another way of raising the topic.

She studied him, like so many times before, memories flooding her mind. She remembered her first sighting of him, a black clad figure, covered in blood, taking strength from his servant. She had had no idea who he was or what he was doing, or even that she had magic of her own. She was just a dwell child, taking pleasure from thumbing her nose at the all-important, all-powerful magicians by sneaking round their precious Guild. Little did she know then that her life would be completely bound up with that bloodied figure.

It had been a life full of highs and lows and now, just when they had finished all their self-imposed tasks, now, when they could be enjoying a life of freedom and study with their son, they were faced with trying to solve a problem to which they had no answer. _Akkarin_ _ **will**_ _find an answer_. He had had an answer to everything they had faced, but now Sonea's absolute faith in him to handle anything life or magic could throw at him was beginning to weaken.

She became conscious that Akkarin was looking at her, the ghost of a crooked smile on his face. She felt the tell-tale blush start to creep over her cheeks and she suppressed it ruthlessly.

"You're awake," she said unnecessarily.

His smile broadened as he reached out a hand to pull her down next to him, "As you see," he murmured, hands sliding down her body as he nuzzled her neck. She was startled, it had been a long time since Akkarin had acted this way outside their bed chamber. She felt her body start to respond, but fear of discovery prompted her to pull away slightly.

"Justen might see," she whispered.

Akkarin laughed, "He is too busy practising his magic to worry about what we might be doing and in any case, we cannot be seen from the house."

They were lazing in a secluded spot a few minutes' walk away from the buildings. It had the advantage of sunlight for most of the year, but more importantly, it was sheltered from the wind. It was not particularly big, just large enough for two people to stretch out, if they took care to avoid the several large rocks which protruded from the grass. They had come here after some further fruitless searching of the books to take advantage of fresh air and the late afternoon sunshine.

 _He was right_ , she decided, _Justen was keen to use his magic_ _and would have little interest in anything else for the moment._ She reached up to slide her hands up around his face and pull him towards her. Her lips opened beneath his as their tongues danced around each other. Akkarin pushed his hands beneath her shirt and began tracing spirals on her body, leaving a trail of fluttering flesh behind. Her breathing changed as desire flooded her. Her own hands went exploring among the contours of his back, trailing up and down higher, then lower, then lower still.

He moved quickly, his body covering hers, as he eased her clothing aside, his own already loosened, until they were lying flesh to flesh. As they began the familiar rhythms of lovemaking, Sonea felt herself floating in a sea of sensations which ebbed and flowed, each peak a little higher than the previous one, each ebbing of the tide, a little less until it seemed she was pinned in a place where passion and sensation was her whole world. There was nothing else expect the perfect matching of their bodies and movements.

The climax came quickly, wave after wave pounding her flesh, leaving her breathless as Akkarin cried out above her, his body shuddering as he found his own release. She could feel her heart pumping madly in her chest, her body slick with a thin film of sweat. His mouth covered hers as their breaths mingled, then he slowly pulled away from her, his hands drifting over her breasts, before pulling her shirt around her again.

When she could catch her breath, she murmured his name, touching his cheek, before burying her face against his chest. His arms pulled her close and they lay together, not speaking, for several minutes. Then she heard it, faintly, right at the back of her mind, the sound of a soft giggle. She froze. It was Justen, and he had been watching them.

"What is it?" Akkarin asked as she stiffened in his arms.

"Didn't you hear it?"

"What? I only heard you breathing a little heavily."

She sat up, looking around, but they were still alone. She turned to Akkarin, "A giggle, I heard it clearly. It was Justen, he was watching us."

Akkarin frowned, he had heard nothing. He touched the talisman around his neck and sent his magic out, searching for anyone who might be using magic but he could sense nothing anywhere close, only the faintest whisper far, far away to the north. If it had been Justen, somehow he was able to shield his magic. But of course, it wasn't Justen, it was the Other.

Meanwhile, Sonea had finished adjusting her clothing. She stood up, fear etched on her face, "What are we going to do?"

She stared at Akkarin, willing him to provide an answer as he had done so many times before, but he simply looked back at her, his face expressionless. "Tell me what you heard."

She described it in as much detail as she could, emphasising just how faint the giggle had been. "Perhaps he was trying to hide it from us," she said slowly, "that would be why I could not hear him as loudly as I usually do."

"It's possible we have misunderstood," he said at last, "and Justen was amusing himself with something else rather than watching us."

Sonea shook her head, "No, I am sure he was here somehow. I know he can watch either one of us, he has done it before. I am also beginning to think he wasn't trying to hide but he deliberately let me know what he was doing, but I don't know why."

"The real question is who is doing the watching, Justen or the Other."

She considered this for a moment, "It sounded like Justen's laughter, but that doesn't mean anything. I am sure the Other is clever enough to impersonate him. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced he simply wanted to let us know that we can be observed at any time and that anything we do cannot be kept from him."

The intrusion spoiled their pleasure in staying outside, so they brushed off their clothing and walked back to the house. Takan was working in the garden, pausing only to give a cheerful wave of his hand as they passed; there was no sign of Justen.

They found him sitting at the table in the library, intent on writing. He looked up as they came in, and smiled. Looking at her son's innocent expression, Sonea found it hard to believe that he would spy on them during their intimate moments, but she remembered the cold personality she had found deep within Justen's mind. He most certainly would take advantage of all his powers to explore and discover.

She leaned over him and saw he was writing what he could remember of his morning lessons. His writing was generally neat and precise, with none of the many wobbles she associated with her own writing when she was young. She did notice one or two blots and a small wavering line where his pen had seemed to wander a little, but otherwise it was a good hand for a young boy.

She praised his work and was rewarded by a broad smile.

 _I have been practising_ , he sent, _I want to write well_.

 _Practice is the best activity for a young magician_. Akkarin said, _there is so much to learn and remember._

 _I want to learn it all!_ Justen's mental voice had a ringing tone to it, something Sonea found disturbing. _I want to learn it as quickly as I can_.

 _You will learn, my son, but it is important not to rush. When I was a novice, I learned many things, but our teachers gave us time to remember and understand. You must have the same._

Justen didn't seem happy with his mother's words. She could see a frown deepening on his forehead and he pursed his lips, giving his features a sulky expression. He looked from Sonea to Akkarin and back again.

 _You will teach me everything I need to know and you will teach me quickly._

 _You will obey your teachers and learn the tasks they give you._ Akkarin sent icily. _We will decide what you learn and when you will learn it, it is not for you to tell us what to do._

For a moment, Sonea thought that Justen would launch himself at Akkarin as the blood rushed to his cheeks and rage darkened his eyes, but just as she was getting ready to restrain the boy, the moment passed. Justen's expression returned to normal and he smiled shyly at his father, _Of course, Verrin, you know best._

Later, when they were alone, Sonea asked Akkarin if he thought it had been the Other insisting on learning quickly.

"Yes, of course," he replied. "The Other wants to use his power as soon as he can. At the moment, there is a limit to what he can do and he is impatient. We must try to keep Justen learning small tasks which in themselves will not give him great powers but will allow him to learn to control his magic. That way, the Other will not have an opportunity to master something powerful which he can use in ways we might have difficulty controlling."

Sonea sighed, "This is going to be more difficult than fighting the Ichani isn't it?"

Akkarin laughed shortly, "Yes, that was easy compared to keeping the Other from taking over Justen completely and using his power to do whatever he wants. You did say once that you liked a challenge. Well now we both have one to face and our son's well-being is the prize we must win."


	6. Something New

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Something New**

Akkarin pushed his horse into a slow canter. The sun was warm on his back, birds were singing somewhere off to his right, and the track ahead was straight and smooth. It was a long time since he had felt so at ease. A memory surfaced of a long forgotten experience. It was that last golden summer before his life changed forever. He'd had his twelfth birthday a few days earlier and his older brother, Vettin, had taken him on a hunting expedition as a treat and 'to make you a man' as his brother said with a great belly laugh. They had followed the herd at a safe distance for several days until they came to the right spot for a kill. Akkarin had loved it all, building the camp, cooking over an open fire, tracking across difficult terrain, listening to his brother as he told tales of other hunting trips and advised him on the best way of felling his prey, even coping with heavy rain and cold nights. He envisaged a future where Vettin managed the family estates, while he lived the life of a well-off second son, a life full of hunting, riding and generally enjoying himself.

As they returned home, the head, skin and paws of the largest beast in the herd strapped to the pack horse, Akkarin was already basking in the glory which was to come. Instead, he found the Guild's testers waiting for him.

Akkarin sighed, his cheerful mood dissipating rapidly under the cloud of memory. His life had certainly changed after that day; he had hated leaving home, he had hated the novices' quarters in the Guild, he had even taken many of his fellow novices in strong dislike, He'd had to build a hard shell around himself just to survive, but he had discovered that he loved magic and above all, loved studying magic. _It's a task that will never end_. _There will always be one more puzzle to explore and solve._

 _And that was the trouble,_ he thought ruefully. His current puzzle seemed to have no solution. He and Sonea had been teaching their son for several weeks and it had not been a totally pleasurable experience. Always, Justen wanted more but they were determined that he should only learn what they considered was necessary and that, at a slow pace. There was no way to tell how much the Other was pushing the boy to constantly ask for extra lessons. What was new was the tantrums Justen had started to indulge in when he was denied another lesson or a more meaningful explanation.

Despite his handicap, Justen had always been a cheerful little boy. He had found ways round his inability to speak or hear and once he had discovered his ability to send, he could hold conversations as easily as if he used voice. No. his recent outbursts were untypical and it could only be pressure from the Other which caused them.

Both he and Sonea had found the constant battles to keep control of what Justen was learning exhausting. Every day followed the same pattern, Justen would be up early, eager to get started. The lesson would proceed, often with the boy mastering the task easily. Then they would disclose the next exercise in control. Justen disliked having to practise these, describing them as boring, all he wanted was more proper magic as he called it. So far, they had managed to keep Justen's lessons to the plan they had devised, but without a doubt, Justen was becoming more difficult to pacify when he argued and complained.

Akkarin found himself wracked by a rare moment of doubt. Should he have left Sonea alone to deal with the boy? They had followed a pattern of Sonea being sympathetic to Justen's needs, while Akkarin took a much stronger line. The idea, as he had explained to a sceptical Sonea, was to allow Justen to feel he had an ally in at least one of his parents, thus if he stopped cooperating with his father, there was his mother to take a leading role. Now, though, Akkarin was having second thoughts. What if Sonea couldn't cope? What if the Other broke through and took over Justen completely?

"Don't be ridiculous!" he muttered to himself sharply. "Sonea is perfectly capable of managing Justen."

He trusted his companion implicitly, she was strong and she was determined. If anyone could manage the boy in his absence, it was Sonea. Still, he regretted leaving her alone just at the moment, but it couldn't be helped. He had delayed as long as he could, but he needed books and texts and he needed them urgently. Thus, he was on his way for a meeting with one of his smuggler band, carrying a list of books he could no longer do without.

None of his smugglers were magicians, so contacting them required a simple, but effective system of messages left in particular places. He had devised the method in his early days working with them, using common-place objects to convey a brief message and it still worked well. A particular stone placed just so, a scrap of brightly coloured material caught in some twigs, or a collection of broken branches piled in a certain way, spelled out his need for a meeting along with the time and place. Over the years, the group had built up a range of different messages between them which could be indicated clearly but safely.

He slowed his horse as he reached the end of the open track and looked around for the turning he needed. It was hidden among tumbled rocks, not easily noticeable unless a traveller knew it was there. He found the narrow trail and turned his horse towards it. It was a difficult path and he could move no faster than a walking pace.

The first indication that someone was waiting came with the faint scent of tobacco smoke. Akkarin stopped his horse and allowed his magic to sense the area. Yes, he recognised the small tell-tale signs which identified the man smoking a few paces ahead. He dismounted and tethered his horse. Silently he moved through the scrub until he was behind the seated figure, he paused a moment to make sure the man was alone.

Jerret was sitting perfectly still, the only movement came from the smoke idly spiralling up and away from him. He was wearing the typical clothes of a man who wished to travel the countryside unnoticed, the greens, greys and browns of his clothing allowing him to blend in. Akkarin could see no weapons, but he knew that Jerret was a knife-master and there would be several blades concealed about his person.

After confirming that Jerret was alone, Akkarin stepped silently out and tapped him on the shoulder. He was amused to see the man work hard at suppressing a start at the unexpected touch as he whirled around, his hand reaching into his jerkin.

Seeing a familiar figure, Jerret relaxed, and grinned, "How'd you do that, Cap'n?"

It was an old routine. Akkarin always tried to simply appear, rather than make an ordinary approach. It appealed to his sense of humour to be a figure of mystery and magic without actually using magic. It also helped his standing with the group to appear and disappear, leaving no trace. Although they knew him as Captain Verrin a retired seaman, that was all they knew. He never talked about where he lived or his life in any detail.

"You're getting old, Jerret," he replied, "be careful the King's guards don't catch you one of these days."

Akkarin sat down beside him and pulled some food from his pouch, which he shared with Jerret. Again this was a familiar routine, started in the early days of gathering his band together. The sharing of food implied companionship, but above all trust that there was nothing harmful in the food and drink on offer.

Jerret provided a wineskin and time was passed in idle conversation until the food was eaten and the wineskin emptied. Jerret had been travelling in Kyralia in recent weeks, so Akkarin took the opportunity to hear the latest gossip and rumours. Much of it was useless, but occasionally there was a nugget of valuable news amongst it.

Soon all the news was told and Jerret fell into silence, waiting for his orders. Akkarin pulled the list from a pocket and smoothed out the paper. Jerret was barely literate, he could pick out some words, if they had been written clearly, as well as being able to write his name, but that was all. Akkarin painstakingly went through the titles of the books he wanted several times until Jerret had memorised them all. Like many people who did not read or write, the smuggler had an excellent memory, so Akkarin had no doubts that when he said he could recite all the titles easily, Jerret was speaking the truth.

"May take a bit o' time Cap'n," he said, standing up and gathering his things together.

"I need them quickly, Jerret. I'll meet you here in ten days' time. Bring what you've managed to get and we'll see what is left."

Jerret shot him a puzzled look, "Tis a strange collection for a man livin' in the mountains to want."

One of Jerret's least attractive qualities as far as Akkarin was concerned was his curiosity. He often tried to find out where Akkarin lived and what he did. Once or twice, in the early days of their association, he had tried to follow Akkarin after a meeting. A sharp physical lesson had put a stop to that, but he still tried to sniff out bits of information when he could.

Akkarin laughed, "I have customers of my own, Jerret and what they do with the things I bring them is their business." Akkarin had created the fiction that he was a mere middle man, obtaining various items for a wide variety of customers. As far as his smuggler band was concerned, Akkarin was a merchant who operated outside the law. He paid them well so it was in their own interests to accept what he told them. Only Jerret ever tried to find out more.

Akkarin tossed a heavy purse to the smuggler. "There should be enough there for the books and a little left over for travelling expenses. I'll pay you more when you have the books."

Jerret weighed the purse in his hands and smiled. His travelling expenses would be well covered and there would be some left over for several nights of pleasant entertainment at his favourite inns.

Their business concluded, Akkarin waited until Jerret had moved off into the undergrowth. The smuggler would have his pony tethered somewhere nearby, so Akkarin waited until he heard the faint sound of hooves gradually fading into silence. He retrieved his own mount and set off back the way he came, stopping occasionally to check that he wasn't followed.

He was about an hour away from the valley when it began. It started as a faint prickling deep within his mind. At first, he ignored it, thinking it was simply some faint traces of magic he had somehow picked up, but the prickling didn't stop. Soon it was like an itch he couldn't scratch. He pulled up the horse, and dismounted. Tethering the animal to a sturdy bush, he reached into his saddlebags and grabbed a wineskin. He pulled out the stopper and let the dark red liquid flow down his throat until he felt its warmth invade his body. Usually a good intake of his favourite wine deadened his mind to the invasion of stray magic, but this time, his remedy didn't work.

As the feeling grew stronger, he began to worry that the Other had somehow been able to locate him and was trying to influence his actions in some way. But the feeling wasn't like an invasion of an alien magic, it felt almost familiar. For a moment, he was puzzled until he realised he was experiencing Takan's mood through their blood gem link. It wasn't the usual link though. Takan was deeply worried but was doing his best to hide it and it was only because some of his feelings were leaking from the barriers he had constructed in his mind, that Akkarin had noticed anything at all.

 _Sonea! Something must have happened to Sonea!_

He stuffed the wineskin back in his pack, untied the reins and vaulted into the saddle. The way was still treacherous in places, but, with Takan's mood darkening noticeably, Akkarin could not afford to waste any time.

The rest of his journey passed in a blur. Thinking about it later, Akkarin couldn't recall anything of it except the relentless pressure he put on his horse. All he could think about was Sonea and what had happened to her. He didn't understand why Takan was trying so hard to keep from passing on information through the blood gem link. He had never done so before. He had tried sending to his servant several times, but Takan would not, or could not respond.

After what seemed like a lifetime, he entered the valley and thundered along the trail until he reached the house. He sprang from the saddle and cast his magic out to locate Sonea. _There!_

He flung back the door and raced to his study. On entering, a strange scene met his eyes. Justen was seated in his usual place at the table, with Sonea opposite. They were both unmoving, simply sitting there, staring into one another's eyes. Takan was hovering next to Sonea, his hands on her shoulders. He didn't seem aware of Akkarin and it was only when he was unceremoniously pushed aside, that he registered his master's presence.

Akkarin ignored him, concentrating all his attention on Sonea. He touched her cheek and called her name. She gave no reaction, so he tried again, this time he gave her cheek a light slap, but nothing distracted her attention from staring into Justen's eyes. He turned his attention towards his son, with the same result. Nothing he did could break the connection between the two. He had never seen anything like it before.


	7. Fear

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Fear**

 _Cold. So very cold. I am cold. Frozen. I cannot move._

 _What is this place?_

 _Silence._

 _The very silence is loud in my ears. Nothing heard, nothing seen. I am afraid, so very afraid._

 _Where am I?_

 _How long have I been here?_

 _Who am I?_

 _Try to think!_

Gradually she began to remember.

 _Sonea, I am Sonea._

Her body seemed to have a strange, half-life of its own. Rooted to the spot, she could feel the tremors, a never-ending rippling of her form. She could not control her shivering, no matter how she tried. Magic, her magic, didn't work here. She was frozen in more than one sense. Her body was unable to move from the spot where she was standing. All she could do was try to keep control of her limbs and prevent her shudders getting worse. Her brain was frozen too. She tried to think but apart from knowing her name, nothing would come to mind.

She could see nothing except the darkness which surrounded her _._ She could hear nothing, despite straining to hear the smallest sound. Even the sound of a hungry animal snuffling after her scent would have lifted her spirits but there was absolute silence. She had no idea how long she had been trapped in the black nothingness, nor what had led to her capture. Her mind screamed only one thing – _I have to get out of here!_

Time passed. She had no way of knowing how much time, but it seemed to her that the cold was becoming more bitter and the blackness was heavy against her frozen flesh. Her tremors increased and her teeth began to chatter.

 _Concentrate!_

She had a strong feeling that if she could break free from this spot, move her body forwards or backwards or sideways, she would be able to escape back to some sort of normality.

She focused her mind on her left foot. She couldn't feel it, but she knew it was there. She pictured it in her mind; she had been wearing sturdy outdoor boots, so she began to create the left one in her mind. Yes, there it was. She could see the lacings, the scuff mark where her horse had given her a glancing blow with its hoof. She imagined the grain in the leather, the thick soles, the way the stitching kept the boot together. She could almost smell the leather.

Satisfied she could see the boot, she began to picture her foot, clothed in a woollen sock, covered by the boot. At first, she could not see anything at all in the boot. She compelled her mind to work, slowly building her sock-covered foot and forcing it into the boot. Yes, there it was. Now, to move it.

She strained, but nothing happened. She had a moment of panic. _What if I never move again!_ The fear that she had earlier supressed began building again. For a moment, it felt as if she couldn't breathe. She fought the feeling and took a deep breath, forcing herself to remain calm. She tried again, but her foot stayed firmly where it was. Sonea felt the sweat on her forehead. She was still shivering badly, yet she could feel the heat in her face, the sweat slowly slipping down until it was lost somewhere in the blackness. She flung her mind at the task, trying to see her first step, picturing the foot lifted, then moving forward, waiting to hear the sound of leather hitting the floor. But the foot didn't move.

She tried again, and again and again. She achieved nothing except for a growing dampness around her neck. She assumed it was the sweat, collecting in the collar of her shirt. She groped with her hands and felt the moist cloth tightening around her neck. The fear inside grew, like some ravenous beast. She could feel it clawing at her belly. She couldn't breathe.

 _STOP!_

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she remembered an early lesson in magic. It had been all about illusion and how magicians could create images in the minds of their opponents. Left unchecked, a magician under attack could almost think himself to death under the power of suggestion. And that's what this was, she concluded. Somehow a powerful magician had gained control over her mind and was forcing her to see and feel only what her captor wanted her to see and feel.

 _But who?_

Beyond knowing her name and convinced somehow that she was a magician, Sonea could remember nothing else. It was if her mind was shut away behind a thick door and she had no way of gaining access to it.

She shook the sweat from her eyes and tried to remember. _I must forget my fear. I must try to be calm. I must try to remember._ She whispered the three sentences over and over, until the tightening sensation around her neck grew less and her fear subsided to a manageable ache in her belly. Her breathing became slower and softer. She held her breath for a moment in case there were other sounds to help her understand where she was, but there was nothing, only the bleak silence.

Although she was alone in the dark, somehow she knew there were others nearby. Who they were or what they wanted, she didn't know, but she was sure they were there. _Are they helpers or the ones controlling me?_ There was no way she could answer that question, so she returned to the problem of getting her foot to move.

Time passed. Sweat poured down her face. The foot remained firmly fixed to the ground. Over and over she tried, until even her strong will failed. She felt tears join the sweat as it trickled into her clothing.

 _I will never move again_.

She longed to sink to the floor, to bury her head in her hands and weep, but that was impossible. She was forced to stand, her only movement the shudders shaking her body.

 _There is someone who can help me_.

In the deepest recesses of her mind, she unearthed a vague memory. She could almost, but not quite, see a figure and she knew it was the shape of a man, a friend, someone who cared for her and protected her, but she could not distinguish any features. The shape was simply a tall figure enveloped in long flowing robes, blacker than the darkness pressing down on her. She struggled to see a face, or remember a name.

 _If I can remember his name, I can call and he will come._

Time passed. No name came to mind, nor could she picture him in her mind, just the black shape of a robed figure. Tears ran unchecked down her face as fear began gnawing at her insides once again.

 _I shall never escape…._


	8. Capture

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Capture**

The vertical lines on his forehead deepened as Akkarin stared at Sonea. Nothing he had done so far had broken the strange fixation she had on her son. It was not often that he felt such uncertainty. He turned to Takan and spoke sharply.

"How long has she been like this?"

Takan's face was pale as he refused to meet his Master's eyes; looking only at Sonea he mumbled, "About four hours."

 _Four hours!_ Akkarin's face darkened, "And you thought to conceal this from me!"

Takan quickly knelt, his head touching the ground, "Lady Sonea was very clear, Master. She told me not to do anything, regardless of what was happening and more than that, she said I must not alert you in any way."

"You are _**my**_ servant and your allegiance is to me. There is no room for divided loyalties." Akkarin's voice was harsh and Takan remained motionless. It had been a long time since he had felt the force of his Master's anger. The blood gem link hummed with power until his body began to quiver with the strength of it. Then abruptly the link cleared and Taken released the breath he had no recollection of holding. He remained crouched on the floor, too fearful to move.

Akkarin began to pace as he considered various options. There were things he could do but he was unsure of the damage that might result. There was no way of knowing the extent of the power which was holding Sonea and Justen motionless. It had to be the Other, but what was he trying to achieve? A small tendril of fear curled in his gut. _What if Sonea came out of it damaged? What if she could not be released?_

In all the long years of their association, his feelings for his companion had always been somewhat ambivalent. They shared a strong physical bond; she was an eager and passionate bedfellow who easily aroused his desire. She was an excellent student, capable of learning the most difficult aspects of magic so it was a pleasure to teach her. She was a dependable ally in any battles with the Ichani; a wild card who could change events in an unexpected direction. She was a good mother to their son and their life in the mountains had been eminently satisfactory on many levels. All of these things he knew and deeply appreciated. But love? He was still unsure if he loved her. Throughout the years, whenever his thoughts turned to this question, as they sometimes did, he had always avoided dwelling on it. But not this time.

Love to him had always been wrapped up in a sweet face, huge green eyes, long silky brown hair and a nose peppered with pale freckles. Love was a silent glance across a crowded room, followed by a gnawing yearning for physical contact forbidden on pain of death. Love was the Ichani pleasure slave he had never had. Love was a dead girl he could not save. Her loss remained a dark void within him, never filled since her death. In all the years they had been together Sonea had never come close to occupying even a small part of that empty place within.

Thus he reasoned this must mean he did not love his companion.

He stared at Sonea. _But if she is lost, I will never be able to find another companion like her._ He was aware of another void opening up within him at the thought of losing her. He had to find a solution and find it quickly, without precipitating serious damage.

He glanced down at the figure crouching at his feet. "Get up and tell me exactly what happened."

Takan described what was at the start a typical day of lessons for Justen. He and Sonea spent time in the library, surrounded by books and all seemed to being going well.

"I disturbed them to talk about the mid-day meal. Then the boy must have sent something and Sonea stilled. She looked at Justen and he nodded…."

"She didn't say anything which might explain what he said," Akkarin interrupted.

Takan shook his head, "The next thing, Sonea turned to me and issued instructions that they were not to be disturbed and under no circumstances was I to let you know what was going on."

"And you accepted these instructions without thinking I needed to know what was happening!" Akkarin said sharply.

"Lady Sonea was very clear, it was a command," Takan replied. "It is not for me to question magicians."

Akkarin bit back the harsh words bubbling up from his throat. Through the blood gem link, he could feel Takan's misery and the fear that wound its way through his emotions. It was not right to take out his frustration on his servant. Given Takan's experiences with the Ichani and his respect for and abiding fear of magicians, it was unreasonable to expect him to ignore Sonea's explicit instructions. He sent a feeling of calm acceptance through the link and felt Takan's spirits start to lift a little.

Akkarin resumed his pacing. Yet again, Sonea had taken it upon herself to expose herself to danger. It was so typical of her to rush into something in order to deal with it regardless of the consequences. He could imagine her thoughts as she agreed to whatever it was Justen had asked. She would be anticipating impressing Akkarin, when he returned home, with some new and amazing discovery. He smiled to himself, the picture of her triumph was so vivid in his mind; the tilt of her head, the satisfaction of knowing she had solved a problem written clearly on her face, the clear gaze challenging him to ignore her success, and the faint colour in her cheeks as he murmured words of congratulation.

 _She_ _ **will**_ _have that opportunity again!_ He would rescue her. _She_ _ **will**_ _be well again!_

"There is no alternative," he murmured to himself. "I shall have to explore her mind."

The rules against forcible entry to someone's mind were so deeply engrained that Akkarin hesitated. Sonea wasn't a criminal whose mind had to be violated in order to solve a crime. She had her own secrets, he knew, and if able, would only have agreed subject to certain agreements of where he could go and what he could uncover. But she was not able to give or withhold her consent, and he had to act.

He pulled up a chair and sat beside her. He placed his hand on her cheek, one finger extended to touch her temple. He let his mind go blank for a moment, then gently sought entrance to her mind. What he found there profoundly disturbed him. Most people's minds resembled rooms and were furnished with all sorts of possessions which had unconscious symbolic meanings for the owner. Sonea's mind showed none of these things. Instead, Akkarin found himself standing in the midst of a swirling dark fog, unable to see anything.

 _Sonea?_ he sent but received no response. He tried to make a globe light, but his efforts only resulted in a faint luminous glow which gave no real light at all. His magic worked, but very weakly as if there was something sapping his strength. There was no sound he could detect. If Sonea was caught in something like this, she wouldn't know what to do as it was likely her magic had failed her. He moved forward cautiously, feeling his way with hands and feet. The fog obscured everything and nothing he tried pierced it. His globe light was worse than useless. There was nothing he could do.

Abruptly, Akkarin left Sonea's mind. He felt Takan's surprise and murmured, "I need to arm myself before exploring further."

Leaving the two motionless figures where they were, he went outside to clear his head. Almost unconsciously, his hand found the Corres Fort stone on the chain around his neck. The stone had various properties, mainly associated with protection, but it also acted as a focus through which he could send his power and the stone magnified it in some way. Perhaps this was the answer to his weakened power when confronted with the conditions in Sonea's mind.

He dwelt on the properties of the stone for some minutes weighing up possible risks to Sonea as well as himself. He had no way of knowing just how strong the Other's hold was or whether using the stone would create some sort of additional problems. It was a definite risk, but having considered his dilemma from all sides, Akkarin decided it was a risk worth taking.

Sonea and Justen were exactly where he had left them. He looked at them both for a moment. He was shocked to see faint beads of sweat on Sonea's forehead. They had not been there before. _She must be fighting whatever it is,_ he thought. At any moment, her strength could give out and then he had no idea what the consequences would be.

"There is no alternative," he said aloud, "I must talk to him."

He ignored Takan's puzzled look and went to sit next to Justen. He set his hand against the boy's cheek and concentrated. Almost at once, he was in the familiar dark corridor lined with the locked and bolted doors he remembered from his previous visit. There was no fog in Justen's mind and his attempt at a globe light was more successful. It would be a long walk to the circular room where he had found the Other the last time and time was short. He set off, his long strides eating up the distance. After ten minutes of brisk walking, he glimpsed a light ahead. He quickened his pace and soon found himself in the circular room.

It was much the same as before, except this time there was a circular stone table in the middle with an intricately carved stone chest centred on it. Standing peering into it was the Other.

He straightened up at the sound of Akkarin's boots against the stone floor and smiled. Gone was the childish figure he had met before. This time the Other's appearance was that of a young man, tall and slim, with long dark hair hanging loose on his shoulders. As Akkarin looked into his face, he realised it was like looking into a mirror, the face looking directly at him, a faint crooked smile on the lips, was the image of his own.

"You came," his replica said, "I knew you would come."

"What have you done?"

The Other's smile broadened, "Come, look." He gestured towards the chest on the table.

Akkarin peered into the container; what he saw made his blood run cold. Right in the middle of swirling darkness was the miniature figure of Sonea. She was frozen in place, her right foot slightly in front of her left as if she was in the process of taking a step, her arms fixed at her sides. Her eyes were open, but there was no movement in any part of her body at all.

Something in Akkarin's expression must have alarmed the Other because he said hastily, "She is unharmed."

Akkarin tried to reach down into the chest, but his hand could not penetrate some sort of invisible barrier. He looked at the small figure intently, Sonea did not seem to be suffering from any physical restraint, nor were there any apparent injuries.

"Why have you done this?" he asked, keeping his voice calm and level.

The Other gestured to the stone seat running around the chamber, "Let us sit and discuss this."

For a moment, he was tempted to ignore the invitation and insist on an answer to his question, but he could not risk the Other's anger. There was no way of telling what he might do if roused. So he nodded acceptance. Once they were seated, Akkarin kept silent, determined to make the Other explain himself.

"You have not visited me as you promised, Akkarin," he began.

 _Akkarin, not Verrin!_ The Other had information that Justen did not. _How?_

He made a small gesture with his hand, as Akkarin opened his mouth to reply, "But no matter, you have come to me now. It is important for us to talk. I need more from you. You are too slow in teaching me. Time is important."

Akkarin silently noted the reference to time. _What is he planning?_

"I tried to let you know just how much I needed to see you, but you ignored it all. But I knew you would come if something happened to your precious Sonea."

 _Sonea not Syma, then. He knows it all, perhaps._

"If you want my cooperation, then capturing my companion and holding her imprisoned is not the way to obtain it."

The Other laughed, "We do not need her! She is only a woman, her magic should be used to prepare food and keep the house clean. She is not like us, our power is strong. We command. We control."

 _Ichani!_ It seemed odd to Akkarin to hear Ichani philosophy regarding men, women and magic coming from the lips of a being who had never come into contact with Ichani culture.

"I am not sure I agree," he replied mildly. "My companion provides me with a lot of help in my studies of magic. She is helping to teach you and you have seen how strong her magic is."

The Other laughed, "How you have been contaminated by your time in the Guild. Women are simply for our pleasure and what magic they possess is there to provide us with what we need. You are strong and can teach me everything I need. We do not need her."

"I need her."

The Other frowned, "I don't understand."

"She helps me function, she gives me what I need. Without her, there will be no teaching."

"I do not believe you."

"No?" Akkarin stood up and began to leave the circular room. Behind him, he heard the sound of the Other starting to come after him.

"Wait," he cried. "What do you want?"

Akkarin kept moving, gambling on the fact that the Other needed him and above all needed his willing cooperation. He could hear footsteps behind him as the Other reached out to grab his arm. Akkarin stopped and slowly turned.

"Let me be clear, without my companion, there will be no teaching, no study of magic, nothing. You will simply be a little boy living in the mountains with a bit of magic he cannot control."

The Other frowned and bit his lip. Akkarin could see the play of emotions on his face, anger, confusion, belief and disbelief warred for supremacy. Akkarin did not know which emotion would win. His hand grasped the talisman, if necessary he would fight the Other. He had never had to use strong magic within a person's mind before. It was unknown territory but he had to win this trial otherwise the Other would be in control of them both and that could not be allowed to happen. As he continued to watch, the being made strenuous efforts to calm himself and to the watching Akkarin it was if a shutter had closed on the Other's face, leaving it a bland mask.

"Let us not quarrel, Akkarin," he said pleadingly. "Sonea is unharmed and can be returned easily. I just needed to see you. I only wanted to talk to you, to explain what I needed."

As he spoke, the image of a confident young man rippled and changed until he resembled Justen, a small boy again.

"Return my companion and I will visit you again," Akkarin promised and smiled as the Other nodded.

They re-entered the circular room and went over to the chest. As Akkarin watched, the Other stretched out his hands over it as his lips moved. Akkarin could feel the tingling of magic but could not sense what sort of magic was being used. The swirling fog cleared, leaving Sonea still frozen but then she faded too and the chest was empty.


	9. Truth and Lies

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Truth and Lies**

The transition when it came was sudden. One moment she was frozen in complete darkness, the next she was lying somewhere else, the bright light hurting her eyes. She lay still a moment, trying to calm her racing heart, trying to understand where she was, then she opened her eyes. The sharp light stabbed and she narrowed her eyes against the glare. She couldn't think where she was, her mind was reeling. Her first thought was that whoever had captured her had simply changed her prison, taking her from a black world into one composed only of searing light. Someone was bending over her shutting out some of the light, shading her, and as she slowly focussed on the face, the features she had been trying so hard to remember took shape in front of her.

 _Akkarin,_ she remembered. "Akkarin, you found me. I knew you would!"

She felt his hand smooth back her hair. "How do you feel?"

The question was not unexpected but the tone of voice was. Once she had recognised Akkarin, whatever had been keeping her memories hidden vanished so she remembered everything. She had braced herself for one of his cutting comments and was surprised when he spoke kindly. It was out of character for Akkarin to sound so sympathetic when she had done something to put herself in danger, especially if he had had to rescue her.

Something of her thoughts must have shown on her face, because he gave a brief almost embarrassed laugh, "I was worried about you."

She tried to sit up, but her head swam and her vision blurred. She sank back on to what she now knew was her bed. Akkarin slipped his arm beneath her shoulders, raising her slightly, and put a glass to her lips, "Drink this," he said and tilted the glass. The liquid was cool and tasted faintly of fruit. She swallowed and felt it slide down to her belly where it began to give off a comforting warmth. Akkarin continued to encourage her to swallow until all the contents had gone.

She sank down again and her eyelids fluttered then closed as the draught did its work and sent her to sleep.

When she awoke, her head was clear and she felt full of energy. She sat up. The sun had gone from her room and the view through the window showed the gathering dusk. She was alone, but someone had removed her boots and she had been left comfortably wrapped in bedding. Feeling thirsty, she reached for the jug of water by the bed and drank deeply, not bothering to use the glass provided.

Her thirst quenched, she pushed aside the bedding and stood up. She was still dressed in her day clothes, although they now resembled a crumpled mess. She used magic to quickly smooth out the wrinkles and glanced in the mirror. Her hair had come loose from its binding and lay in a tangle on her shoulders. She grabbed her brush and attacked it until it lay smooth again, neatly tied back in the masculine style she favoured.

As she made her way downstairs, she could hear no sounds from the house and for a moment she wondered if she were still caught in the trap, but as she entered the main room, she saw Justen sitting by the fire, reading one of his books. He looked up as she entered the room and smiled briefly, before his eyes returned to the page. He sent nothing and she didn't want to enter into a conversation with him until she discovered exactly what had happened earlier. Somehow Justen had been responsible for her predicament, either of his own volition or, more likely, he had been controlled by the Other. Either way, Sonea didn't feel like exploring the issue yet.

Akkarin was in the library, surrounded by parchments. He looked up as she shut the door behind her and give her one of the warm, crooked smiles which still had the power to create fluttering feelings in her belly.

"You look a lot better," he said.

She sank into a chair and nodded, "Whatever was in the drink you gave me, has certainly banished the strange feeling in my head. What was it?"

He shook his head, "You don't expect me to give away all my secrets, do you?"

"No, just a few of them!"

The brief moment of light-hearted banter passed. It was time to make sense of what had taken place. Akkarin pushed the parchments aside and fixed her with an intent gaze, "Tell me exactly what happened?"

Her story mirrored Takan's description of an ordinary day of lessons with Justen. They had been working on some exercises on controlling the movement of objects which he had been having some difficulty with. After the latest set of objects crashed to the floor, Justen had refused to try again. Instead, he began sending her a series of personal questions which she found increasingly difficult to answer.

"Personal questions? What sort of personal questions?" Akkarin's tone was sharp.

Sonea paused, she still had secrets she guarded from Akkarin with all her might and Justen had begun questioning her about one of them. Somehow he had understood her desire for another child and the lengths she had taken to try to make it happen. As far as Akkarin was concerned, she was using magic to prevent conception, but that was not the case. She simply could not get pregnant again despite trying everything she could. She had even consulted a local wise woman some time ago and still took the potion that she had been given when she remembered, although there was little remaining in the bottle now. Justen seemed to know all of this and his mental voice had whispered that he knew how she could have a child if only she would come into his mind, so he could tell her properly. Her strong desire for a child had overcome what concerns she might have had if she had been thinking properly, so she agreed to his conditions, especially the one he emphasised – not letting Akkarin know what she was doing.

All of this flashed through her mind, as she scrabbled around for something to satisfy Akkarin, without revealing the truth.

"Oh, you know, the sort of personal questions a young boy might ask his mother," she said deliberately vaguely, but she knew that would not satisfy Akkarin for long.

"Be more specific, what sort of questions? It is important, Sonea!"

"He was curious about the Guild and why we had left," she said as inspiration suddenly came to her. "He asked about when I was a novice and how we came to be together. You know, that sort of thing."

Akkarin stared at her for a moment, and she hoped he would drop the subject. She employed all the defences she had developed over the years to shield her thoughts from him and stared back at him with a steady gaze. She could tell he did not believe her, but she doubted he would be able to access the truth in her mind.

"Go on, Sonea. What happened when you entered?"

On safer ground now, she described finding herself in a dark place, not knowing who she was or what she was doing there. "The only thing I knew for certain was that I was a magician. I didn't know why I thought that and none of my magic worked, but I was convinced that was what I was."

"Hmmm. I've never heard of anything quite like this before. Just when I think we have discovered all of what Justen can do, he surprises us with something else. I wonder where it will all end."

Akkarin got up to refresh his wine glass, asking if Sonea wanted some too. She shook her head, this was not the time to let her guard down and the strong dark wine they both favoured had the power to loosen tongues. He sat down again and looked across at her.

"I don't have to tell you that you must not under any circumstances do anything like that again." His voice was cold and she could tell he was trying not to let his emotions show. He was angry with her, but seemed determined not to make it obvious.

"Of course. But do you know what he did? How did you rescue me?"

He shook his head, "I don't know what he did or how he did it. I couldn't see anything in your mind except darkness, so I went to Justen. It was as before, the long walk to the centre. When I got there, the Other was pleased to see me. He was proud of what he had done. He showed me….." Akkarin's voice tailed away.

He took another gulp of wine and looked intently at Sonea. "He had a container of some sort or other and inside it was a small figure. It was you, frozen in the act of moving, just like a child's toy. I have never seen anything like it before."

Sonea shivered as she felt again the fear from the darkness, that she would never escape, never move again. _But I knew Akkarin would rescue me, even if I couldn't remember who he was._

"How did you make him let me go?"

Akkarin laughed, but it lacked any trace of humour, "I said unless he let you go, I would never teach him any more magic. He didn't believe me at first, but as I turned to leave, he realised I meant it. And here you are."

"You couldn't have known it would work," she said flatly.

"No," he agreed, "but I had to try it, I couldn't have released you without his cooperation."

"I think I'll have that glass of wine now," Sonea said, relaxing for the first time since Akkarin started questioning her. She took the glass, raised it to her lips and took a long swallow. She could feel the wine flow down her throat and into her stomach. The warm glow which followed further relaxed her and she began to talk of more general things.

ooo000ooo

 _She's lying_ , he thought as he watched Sonea carefully. She was much more difficult to read than when he first became involved with her. Somehow she had perfected a form of defence which made it almost impossible for him to get much of a sense of even her surface thoughts. Her thoughts were full of mountains, valleys and streams. Nothing escaped the barrier, no thoughts could be heard, only the sound of water gurgling over rocks.

But not being able to read her thoughts easily didn't mean he could not read her at all. He had long ago realised that Sonea frequently lied to him, mainly because she had secrets she wanted to protect. There were little tell-tale signs, changes in her breathing, the way her eyes flickered very slightly as she looked at him, but above all a tiny tremor at the base of her throat gave her away. He could see it now, as she explained what questions Justen had asked her, almost like a tiny pulse beating rapidly.

He thought about what her lies might mean _. Justen has somehow obtained one of her secrets, yes that must be it! The boy has accessed her deepest thoughts and is using something he learned there to control her._ He briefly considered asking her directly, but she had been through a lot and although the draught he had given her had undone some of the damage, she was still experiencing the effects of her ordeal. The matter could wait.

He changed the direction of his questions, drawing her out, explaining how he had extricated her from the trap. As he spoke, he could see her gradually settle down. Her breathing returned to normal and the small tremor disappeared.

As they sipped their wine, and talked of other things, he remembered he had also lied, but by omission rather than commission. He had avoided telling Sonea about the extraordinary conversation with the Other involving the role of women with magic in the lives of male magicians. He was not sure why he had done this, only that it seemed the right thing to do at the moment. However, it was something he would need to come back to when things had settled down.


	10. Hopes and Fears

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Hopes and Fears**

Takan slowly lifted the lid and took a long sniff at the bubbling contents of the pot. He nodded appreciatively, it was good, but there was a little something missing. He reached up and lifted down a small wooden box. Opening it, he frowned slightly at the limited contents. _I need more supplies_ , he thought as he dropped a small handful of the green mixture into the pot. The spice was a favourite in his homeland, but virtually unknown in the Allied Lands. Luckily, Akkarin's smugglers knew where to obtain it, all he needed to do was put in an order for the next trip and he would have a plentiful quantity available again.

 _Akkarin_. Takan replaced the lid and stood staring out of his kitchen window. His fate was inextricably bound up with the tall, dark magician he had first met all those years ago. He remembered the first time he had seen him, riding into Dakova's camp, a young man full of confidence and power. He had been welcomed by the Ichani leader, feasted and entertained before being captured and drained of all but the small bit of his magic necessary to keep him alive. Thrown in with the rest of the slaves, to be nothing more than a source of power tapped daily to provide his master with strength, Akkarin had not stopped fighting to escape. Takan and the rest had witnessed the heavy punishments inflicted following one failed escape attempt after another. It became a regular sight to see his broken and bruised body tossed back in the slave's enclosure, yet the young man's pride had never been extinguished. He simply waited until his hurts had healed, then tried again.

The unlikely friendship between them had begun when Takan, feeling desperately sorry for the proud young man reduced to a bleeding bundle of flesh and bone, had made a poultice for one of Akkarin's deeper wounds. The magician was never left with enough power to take care of himself, and no-one in the camp bothered about treating any of the slaves. But Takan found himself unable to ignore the plight of this particular foreign magician. He had access to the camp stores through his work as a cook, and made up a mixture which he smeared on some clean rags and bound up the injury. The wound healed quickly and Akkarin was grateful.

After that, Takan kept an eye on Akkarin, slipping him extra food when possible, and treating his cuts and bruises. Akkarin was appreciative and shared his ideas for escaping, relying of Takan's deeper knowledge of the Ichani and their camp. However, it soon became obvious that there was a further problem unrelated to the ordinary difficulties of outwitting the guards. Takan had watched with dismay as the young man's obsession with Dakova's pleasure slave grow deeper and deeper. Dakova was possessive of his bed slaves, lending them out only to specific men he wanted to reward. For anyone else, any sort of contact with them meant death or worse. Akkarin, however, cared nothing for the danger.

Takan tried to remember what she looked like, but all he could visualise was a vague image of a slender girl with pleasant features. There was nothing about her, as far as he could see, which would cause a man to become obsessed with her. _What was her name?_ Even that was lost to him. Dakova simply called her girl, or woman when he was in a good mood, and slut or whore when he wasn't. Yet obsessed with her Akkarin was and his obsession grew deeper as each day passed. Now his dreams of escape included her and nothing Takan could say would persuade him against the idea.

Of course it had all gone wrong in the end. The girl died and Akkarin, in his rage and despair had killed all the Ichani in the camp, and all the slaves, except for the one who had looked after him. After that, wherever Akkarin went, Takan went with him, devoting himself to his friend's well-being. Nothing that could happen to them now or in the future, would change that.

Takan sighed. He had hoped when Sonea had come into their lives, that Akkarin would see in her someone who could take the place of the slave girl in his heart. In many ways, he had, but still, as Takan knew from the blood gem link between them, Akkarin still grieved deeply for his lost love.

His remembrance of the blood gem link alerted him to a dark brooding presence in his mind. He had to be careful with dwelling on the past. Akkarin didn't like it when his servant became immersed in memories of their time in the camp. Takan had learned over the years to choose his time for remembering carefully. Usually he indulged his thoughts when his master was engrossed in something, with little time to spare to listen in to his servant's thoughts, as he had been today; or had dipped heavily into their wine stores. But whatever the distraction, eventually, Akkarin would be alerted to Takan's indulgence in memory and a short, sharp command would echo in his mind. It was better to avoid such things.

Takan sighed and stirred the pot again. Supper would be ready soon and he suspected it would be an uncomfortable affair. There was something strange about the child which made Taken very afraid. He had always feared magicians, any magician, but there was something else around Justen which he found terrifying.

ooo000ooo

Justen stared at the page in his book. He had looked at that very page many times in the last hour, but try as he might, he could not stop staring at it until a certain amount of time had passed. Neither could he move from his chair. Over and over again, he had turned a page, stared at the contents for several minutes, then turned the next page. When he got to the end of the book, he simply started at the beginning again. He was frightened, because he didn't know why or how this was happening.

Some time ago, he had become used to the strange lapses in his memory which were now occurring at a much faster rate. At first, he had been frightened by suddenly finding himself doing something different to his last recollection, or finding that time had passed and he hadn't noticed. Then, as the episodes continued, he found that nothing bad actually happened to him. He would be doing one thing in one place, then find himself doing something different in another, that was all. He was able to cope with that. He just had to be careful about saying something straightaway when he 'woke up' because he didn't want anyone else to know what was happening. He didn't know why, but it was important no-one knew, especially his parents.

Sometimes, the gaps occurred during his lessons with Verrin and Syma, but he could never remember anything they may have taught him during that time. They didn't seem to notice either which Justen found very odd. He was used to being the centre of their attention, so he would have thought they would notice when he went away, but they never referred to it.

 _Someone takes my place!_ The thought struck him suddenly and it made sense. Syma and Verrin didn't notice because someone put on his body like a cloak and carried on doing things while Justen himself was what? Asleep? Somewhere else? A frown creased his forehead as the boy tried to make sense of his sudden idea. _It must be some sort of magic_ , _but whose?_ There was no-one else with magic anywhere near their home. _Could it be Takan?_ He knew the servant wasn't a magician, yet Justen could sense a hidden vein of magic which was very much a part of Takan. But despite his possession of magic, Takan couldn't speak with him like Syma and Verrin, nor could he perform any sort of magic at all as far as Justen knew. It couldn't be him.

He turned the page and stared at the next picture, struggling to let go of the book, but it was no use. His gaze remained firmly fixed on the picture, but at least his thoughts were free to flow. _It must be the same person's magic which is doing this too, but why? Is there something special about this book? Am I supposed to find out something?_

Justen felt happier at that thought. He was meant to find something and until he did, he feared he would keep turning the pages. _I will wait until I get to the beginning again, then I will start looking very closely at every line and every picture. I_ _ **will**_ _find what it is!_

ooo000ooo

Takan carefully carried the heavy pot to the table and placed it in the middle. The lid would keep the contents hot for a few minutes while he arranged the rest of the food and set out the fruit juice, wine and glasses. Once everything was ready, he alerted Akkarin.

When Akkarin and Sonea emerged from their library, Taken could see they had both been drinking wine. Sonea seemed to be much more relaxed than she had been and even Akkarin seemed at peace. Takan was still concerned, however. He knew that even Akkarin's behaviour became unpredictable if he had drunk a lot of the strong wine he loved. Takan tried to remember just how many bottles there were on the side table, but he couldn't and he could hardly leave the food to go cold while he went to check. He simply prayed to his family's gods that things would go well this evening.

There was no sign of Justen, which was odd because the boy had a healthy appetite. Takan looked around and spotted him sitting by the fire, staring at a book. He went over and tapped the boy on his shoulder. Justen jumped and looked up.

"Your food is ready," Takan said, making sure his mouth formed the words clearly.

For a moment, it looked as if Justen would ignore him and go back to reading his book, but then he put the book down and stood up, a look of relief on his face. He almost ran to the table and as soon as Sonea had filled his plate, began to eat quickly.

There was not much conversation round the table, spoken or otherwise. Everyone seemed lost in their own thoughts, although Takan noticed that Sonea stared at Justen every now and again, a small frown creasing her forehead. Whatever had happened between them had unnerved her. Akkarin appeared not to notice his companion's discomfort, yet Takan caught him looking closely at Sonea several times when her attention was elsewhere.

Whatever had occurred earlier that day was a problem and neither Akkarin nor Sonea appeared comfortable with it. That probably meant they didn't know how to deal with it yet. That they would be able to deal with it, Takan had no doubts. He had lived with them long enough to know they usually found their way out of trouble eventually. It was what happened along the road that gave him cause for concern. Neither, of course, shared their thoughts with their servant. Takan supressed a sigh. They would tell him all about it when he needed to know. Until then, he decided, he would keep a close eye on the boy.


	11. Only Three Words

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Only Three Words**

Akkarin sighed and put away his parchment. He could delay no longer. It was late, and Sonea had gone to bed some time ago. She would be waiting, he knew. The intense looks she had sent him before leaving the room had told him that much. He hoped she didn't want conversation. He had no answers to give her, nor did he want to engage in speculation about Justen's actions.

He smiled to himself, it was hard sometimes to avoid Sonea's questions. She had a way of needling him, probing around a topic, shifting her ground suddenly before coming in with the killer question that he found difficult to deal with. When he was rested and in control of the situation, he could usually think his way out of any discussion, no matter how probing, but tonight, when he was tired, both mentally and physically, it would be much more of a difficult task.

He glanced at the bottle. It was almost empty. He remembered with surprise that it had been full when Sonea went to bed, but he had no recollection of drinking any wine, let alone so much. Takan would be displeased.

The thoughts of Takan and his displeasure caused another brief smile. His servant came from a culture that forbade the drinking of any alcohol in any form. Despite living for so long in the Allied Lands, Takan had never forgotten his upbringing, nor his belief in his family's gods and their teaching. Akkarin had never been able to persuade him to taste wine and although his servant had never tried to prevent his own consumption, he couldn't help but make his disapproval known though their blood gem link. When he saw the empty bottles in the morning, that disapproval would be very loud indeed.

Akkarin shrugged and finished the rest in one long swallow. _Empty or nearly empty would make no difference to Takan's feelings._

Akkarin pushed open the bedchamber door, using a small globe light to make his way to the bed. Sonea was asleep, lying on her side, with her hair spread out on the pillow. The state of the covers bore witness to her restlessness. He was struck anew by her appearance. He could see no trace of the sulky, hostile Novice who had come to live with him in the Residence. Instead, she had become a beautiful young woman, completely devoted to him. He continued to stare at her, as if he had never really looked at her before. His mind went back to the beginning, when he had slowly become aware that his Novice was growing up. When he began to feel the stirrings of desire every time he looked at her and how he had tried to crush his growing interest in her.

It had been a shock to realise just how much he wanted her and how hard, suddenly, the rules about guardians and novices had become. One night in particular, he had found himself opening the door of her bedchamber simply to watch her sleeping. After a few minutes, he became increasingly uncomfortable and started to leave. At that moment, Sonea stirred and her eyes began to open. He hurriedly shut the door, wondering if she had actually seen him or not. She never mentioned it, and he buried the experience in the back of his mind, ashamed of what his feelings had made him do. Something had to be done!

Over time, he succeeded in crushing any emotional ties to her. For the rest of their time in the Residence, she had never suspected what was really behind the intent gazes he sometimes directed at her. All she felt was his disapproval. He was proud of his behaviour then.

But exile had undone him. All his careful methods for coping with living with the object of his desires were lost out in the wastelands. The Guild had thrown them together and events made sure that they would be forced into close contact, both physical and mental, simply to survive.

But still he fought against his growing need. He barely spoke, he avoided any movement that would bring them into contact. She was angry, he could tell, but he hoped her anger would keep her away. Then, to his horror, he began to see the familiar signs of infatuation take root in her. Her eyes began to follow him and once or twice he caught her staring at him. The swift rush of colour to her face confirmed his fears. Sonea was falling in love.

This knowledge strengthened his resolve to leave her in a safe place once they had re-entered Kyralia. But even that plan was overtaken by events and they remained together.

Later, after the battle with the Ichani outside the gates of the Guild, another opportunity arose. He convinced himself that he was the wrong man for her, that she deserved someone better than a man whose heart lay in the earth with his Beloved. He could simply disappear from her life. She would be free of him. She would mourn, he knew, but she was young. She would find a better man and he would be free to keep the vow he made over the broken body of his Beloved.

That plan, like so many others he had made about Sonea, failed too. He badly underestimated her and the depths of her feelings for him.

As his thoughts reached this point, Sonea moved, lazily opening her eyes. Seeing him standing by the bed, she smiled and held out her arms, the covers slipping slightly, revealing the silken covering over her rounded breasts. His heart jolted and he felt a tightening below his belly.

He discarded his clothing and slipped in beside her, feeling the warmth of her body press eagerly against his own. He could feel the tempo of his heart, increasing with every breath. How much he desired this woman, how deeply did he want sink into her body, to let her surround him with her warm, pale flesh, so he could lose himself in her.

They had no need of words.

As they began the familiar movements of love-making, he gave himself up to her, letting her choose where his hands brushed her flesh, allowing Sonea's to wander wherever they wished. He felt the tingling trail of her fingers setting his body on fire, deepening his desires so that he entered her quickly and deeply, before slowing his movements to heighten her pleasure.

He heard her moan as her arms gripped him tightly, before loosening them so her hands could explore his back, working their way lower and lower, urging him on. Her hands changed position; now her fingers were playing up and down his thighs, creating quivering trails along his flesh, arousing his desires even more so that his release came strongly, closely followed by Sonea's.

As their breathing slowed, he buried his face in her hair, letting its fresh flower scent deep into his lungs.

 _I love you, Akkarin_ , she sent.

He knew what she wanted him to say, but the words would not come. It was if there was an iron door, with strong bolts and huge padlocks, preventing his use of those three little words. Instead, as usual, he sought for other words to express his feelings.

 _My beautiful and very desirable Sonea. I cannot imagine being without you._

They were not enough, he knew, but it was all he could make himself say. He heard a faint soft sigh, then her mouth covered his, her tongue tracing the shape of his lips.

 _I can't live without you, Akkarin._


	12. Locks

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Locks**

Sonea finished tidying the room at last. Using magic reduced the time needed, but she had a lot of time at her disposal, so she had done everything herself, sweeping, dusting, plumping up the cushions and carefully wiping over the ornaments. She had also washed the windows and shaken the curtains to clear them of dust. As a reward for all her hard work, she allowed her magic to heat water for a mug of raka. When it was at the right temperature for her taste, she took the mug, unhooked her cloak from the peg and went outside to sit on her bench in the sun.

It had been a while since she had been completely alone and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Akkarin had gone to collect his books and Takan had taken Justen with him to fetch some urgent supplies from Galia. Sonea suspected that Akkarin had arranged it so that she would not be alone with Justen. That too caused her uncertainties.

On the one hand, it was reassuring to think that Akkarin was concerned for her well-being. But she was used to fighting her own battles rather than have someone else do it for her. Justen was her son, surely he would not harm her? A memory of how she had felt, trapped in the dark, not knowing who she was or where she was, floated into her brain. No, Justen wouldn't want to harm her, but the Other? Who knew what he had in mind.

As she sipped her raka, Sonea went over what she remembered. Events which had been clear in her mind when she had woken up after swallowing Akkarin's draught were now becoming a little vague. She remembered the dark, and the fear, but little else. Akkarin had told her that the Other had changed his appearance and now seemed older. She thought about this for a while, then began to create an illusion. She imagined a young man, several years older than Justen's actual age. He would have dark hair and eyes and resemble Akkarin, just as Justen did.

As she continued to dwell on her image of the Other, he gradually took shape in front of her. She could see him standing not far from her bench, looking at her just as Akkarin did sometimes. He smiled and she caught her breath. _Akkarin's intimate crooked smile!_ She continued to stare at her illusion. Now she could see his chest rise and fall as he breathed, his lashes brushing his cheeks as he blinked. She started as he began to move towards her. _I didn't think of him moving!_ She began to panic. _What if this is not an illusion? What if this is the Other?_

Her rational magician's brain knew that was impossible. Illusions did what their creator intended them to do. They had no life of their own. Yet she was sure she had not caused the illusion to move. He continued to move slowly towards her. There was now only a few paces between them. Her heart was pounding in her breast. _What will he do when he reaches me?_

The illusion opened his mouth and Sonea knew he was about to speak. _This should not be happening!_ She knew without a doubt that if he spoke, he would bespell her. She quickly ended the illusion spell, but instead of simply popping out of existence as he should have done, the Other slowly began to fade from the ground up, so that his eyes remained fixed on hers right up until the last moment, before even they faded away.

Sonea sat breathing heavily, her heart still jumping. She mumbled one of the Warrior calming exercises, repeating it over and over until her breathing slowed and she felt calmer. Her raka was cold, but she needed the jolt to her system the drink gave her so she heated it until it was scalding hot and took a few sips.

She was glad, now, that Akkarin was not here. If he knew what she had attempted, he would have been very angry. He had warned her not to use her abilities to try to probe Justen and asked her to be very careful around him. She had once again disregarded his clear instructions. But what she had discovered had quite important implications. If the Other could influence her, when Justen was a long way away from home, then he was much stronger than either she or Akkarin had thought. Their list of the different things he could do just kept getting longer. She would have to tell Akkarin when he returned, she realised, despite the possibility of provoking his anger. She could not risk him being taken unawares.

As she sipped the now cooling raka, she continued to think about Justen's abilities and she could not get the memory of Mikido's strike to her belly out of her head. She had long come to the conclusion that somehow this had damaged the growing baby within her and that was why Justen could not speak or hear. But what if that strike had also created the Other? What if that strike had somehow implanted some elements of Ichani magic in the child?

She covered her face with her hands, her responsibility for Justen's problems was greater than even she had considered before. She was somehow responsible for the Other and if he succeeded in becoming the most powerful magician in the Allied Lands with all the implications of that, then she was without doubt the greatest criminal the Guild had produced. The burden of guilt was more than she could bear and it was all the greater because it was one of the secrets she had kept from Akkarin. She had no-one to share the burden with, no-one who could comfort her or tell her she was not as bad as she thought.

As with many times before, she wondered if it really was too late to share all this with Akkarin. She was not afraid that he would harm her, or hurt her physically. No, what she feared most of all was the contempt she would see in his eyes, the likelihood of his turning away from her. The ending of their relationship. _No_ , she decided, _it is much too late. I cannot tell him._

The smile which briefly crossed her lips was bitter. She had been here before. Every time she had thought about Justen, the Ichani and Akkarin, she reached the same conclusion. She would continue to keep her secret and pray to the Eye that somehow, she and Akkarin would be able to solve the problem of the Other.

It was some time later, as she was preparing her supper, that her thoughts returned to the illusion she had created and its unexpected behaviour. There was much about Ichani magic that she was less than familiar with. Akkarin had shared his understanding about the way they used magic in battle and she knew they had no understanding of Healing, but beyond that, she had little knowledge. Akkarin had directed her studies and his preferred approach boiled down to teaching what he decided she needed to know, rather than share everything he knew.

"I wonder if he has written down anything about Ichani magic," she wondered aloud, a habit she had developed when she was on her own.

As she chewed her way through her meal, she resolved to search Akkarin's papers. He kept them in their library, she knew, contained in his own personal box. She had never taken it upon herself to root through this things and part of her was very reluctant, but the memory of how the illusion seemed to take on a life of its own played on her mind.

She piled up the plates and took them out into the kitchen area. She was keen to start her search, so she left them to clean later. At least with no-one around, she would have time to conduct her search in a leisurely manner and she would be able to take the time to replace the papers exactly how she found them.

She stared at Akkarin's box. He had locked it and despite trying for some time, she had been unable to open it _. Why would Akkarin lock his box?_ Obviously it contained something he didn't want anyone to see, but who? _Justen? Takan? Me?_ Sonea's suspicions led her to believe there was something in the box Akkarin wanted to keep from her. She didn't know why or what exactly, but the more she thought about it, the more she believed that Akkarin was hiding something important and he did not want her to see it under any circumstances.

She examined the lock closely using her magic. She had some experience with Akkarin's locks and although he created intricate and apparently confusing magical locks, given enough time she had usually been able to open them. Even the locks he had placed around the passages leading into the Residence had not defeated her. Making magic locks had been one of the most enjoyable aspects of their studies together with Akkarin setting her more and more difficult puzzles to solve. But this lock went far beyond anything she had seen before.

It was some time before she admitted defeat. She had tried everything she knew, but nothing worked. The lock remained firmly shut and Akkarin's papers remained out of reach. Sonea slapped the table in frustration. The longer she had worked at trying to open the lock, the greater her belief grew that there was something very, very important in the box. That conviction fuelled her determination to open it, but eventually, she realised that she was not going to be successful.

"Perhaps if I leave it and try again tomorrow, I will do it," she said to the empty room.

She was tired, that was all. After a good night's sleep, she was convinced that the lock would open for her. She shook the box and was rewarded by a faint noise as the contents moved around. There was something other than papers in it, she could tell. An artefact like the talisman made from Corres Fort stone? A jewel? A weapon? The possibilities were endless and Sonea couldn't wait to find out exactly what Akkarin had been hiding from her.

However, when she awoke the next morning, she didn't feel particularly rested. She had vague memories of disturbing dreams which kept jerking her awake and each time she woke up, it seemed to take longer to get back to sleep. As a consequence, she yawned her way through breakfast and even a strong cup of raka didn't produce the effects she wanted.

She took a second cup with her into the library and set it down while she stared at Akkarin's box. She could sense the lock with her magic, but instead of a clear picture of the complicated weaves involved, all she could pick up was a confused muddle. She broke off, drank some more raka and tried again.

By her fourth attempt, she was beginning to distinguish some of the weaves and to her delight noticed what appeared to be a stray one, just the thing she had been looking for. If her luck held, following it and untangling it would allow her to unravel the lock.

She began the painstaking work. It would take time, she knew, but at least there was hope now. Several minutes later, however, and she had made no progress at all. She could follow the weave for a little way, then it simply disappeared into the tangle. She could have screamed in frustration.

She tried again. And again. Nothing she did allowed her to follow the weave. She picked up the box and put it back in its place. This time, Akkarin's expertise had defeated her, but she wouldn't forget and with luck, she would be able to solve it. The answer was to persuade Akkarin to give her more lessons on dismantling magic locks. If he was agreeable, she would ask him for some really difficult locks to investigate and maybe he would provide one not too dissimilar to this one. After reaching this decision, Sonea felt much happier. All she had to do was bide her time and then try again. The next time she tried to undo the lock, she would be successful.


	13. Siryru

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Siryru**

Akkarin steered his horse around the tumble of rocks. He would soon be home and he was looking forward to spending time in study. His meeting with Jerret had gone well. The smuggler had managed to obtain some of the texts on Akkarin's list, although the cost had been high. Akkarin had parted with two full purses this time, but Jerret pleased with his own payment, was happy to undertake a further search for the remaining parchments and books, although he felt it would take some time.

The smuggler had other things in his pack and was more than willing to show them off. He had made the rounds of merchants in both Kyralia and Sachaka during his recent travels so had a surprising variety of things to offer. Akkarin slowly picked through his wares. Much of it was in the form of jewels, valuable yet not taking up much room in the smuggler's pack. He was of a mind to buy a jewel for Sonea. It had been a long time since he had surprised her with a gift and he anticipated her pleasure at being presented with an interestingly wrapped package.

One particular item caught his eye. It was a small carved figure of Siryru, one of the protecting deities worshiped in Sachaka. The figure was finely carved in a lustrous blue stone, hung from a thin gold chain and represented Siryru in flight, her wings outstretched and her talons extended, as if reaching for prey. Akkarin doubted that Jerret knew what it was; it was a beautiful object and the smuggler would have been drawn only to the profit he expected from selling it. Neither, he suspected, would Sonea be able to identify it, but if the Other had some link, however, remote to Ichani magic, then perhaps Siryru would extend her protection to Sonea.

He haggled for a short time with Jerret, although he was quite prepared to pay whatever the man asked, but there were customs associated with trading with smugglers. Haggling was expected and the lack of it might arouse questions in the all too enquiring mind of Jerret. In the end, they settled on a relatively expensive but fair price. Jerret produced a small leather bag from somewhere, wrapped Siryru in a piece of silk, stuffed it in the bag and passed it to Akkarin.

As he pressed on towards home, his mind turned once again to the problem of the Other and what else he may be able to do. He had been afraid to leave Justen alone with Sonea. If the Other had decided on another attempt to harm her, Takan would have been unable to help, so the thin fiction of urgent supplies they could not manage without had provided a credible reason for not leaving the boy with his mother. Akkarin had used the blood gem link to suggest to Takan that he delay as much as possible his return and the last contact he had had from his servant indicated they were travelling toward Sonea's estate. That would keep them away for several days, enough time to examine the new material Jerret had brought.

He had seen that Sonea wasn't happy at the idea of Justen, with only Takan for company, making the journey down the mountain but to his surprise, she made only token objections. She assured him that she had lots to do, but to make sure she wouldn't have time to worry about her son, Akkarin had left a book for her to study, detailing some complicated magic which would keep her occupied for several hours.

He cantered along the track leading to the valley. It was a bright, if slightly chilly day, the air was clear and fresh and Akkarin felt happier than he had been for a while. He really couldn't wait to get home, to sit with Sonea and sort through the texts he had ordered. He no longer missed the Guild, with its crowded corridors full of magicians obsessed with their own importance, with the petty little squabbles raised at every meeting and the hours listening to insignificant concerns. He gave a short bark of laughter, to think that only a few years ago, the Guild was the centre of his life! He wished it well, but he no longer had any interest in it or its affairs.

As he entered the valley, he could see a distant swirl of smoke rising from his home. Somewhere he heard a bird singing, followed by a distant answer, as he caught glimpses of small dark shapes soaring high in the sky. He urged the horse on, promising it a rub down and plenty of fresh food. As if it could read his mind, the horse responded, lengthening its stride, eating up the distance so it wasn't long before he found himself in front of his home. Slipping from the saddle, he led the horse round to its stable, removing bridle and saddle before giving the promised rub down. Leaving it snuffling contentedly at its freshly filled manger, Akkarin carried the saddle bags into the house.

To his surprise, it was empty, although there were signs that Sonea was not far away. He went out the back door and cast a glance around. He caught sight of Sonea in her little garden, a short distance from the house. There she grew things she loved, rather than simply produce for their food supplies. It was small with only a few shrubs, many different coloured flowers and a few fruit bushes, but she lavished hours of care on it.

She didn't hear him approach as she was engrossed in carefully transplanting a tender young plant. She was humming something he hadn't heard before so he stopped to watch and listen, as it was not often that he could observe her when she was oblivious of his presence. Although their relationship was over ten years old, she still looked like the young girl he had forced to become his Novice. The only physical difference he could see was her hair which she had previously always worn short, but which now was long enough that the braid she had tied back reached almost to her waist. He watched her gently place the plant in a hole she had made, then smooth the soil around it. She never used magic in her garden, telling him one day after he suggested she could get the work done more quickly, that the half the pleasure of having a garden was knowing it was all your own work. He didn't understand that himself, but then he was not much of a gardener.

She turned to get the pitcher of water and saw him standing there. He loved the way the colour briefly flooded her face until her magic supressed it. She clambered to her feet and came towards him, a smile lighting up her face.

"I didn't expect you back so soon."

He reached out for her and pulled her into his arms, _I hurried_ , he sent and heard her soft laughter.

After a moment, he released her from his embrace, "Come, see what I have managed to buy."

Back in the house, Sonea busied herself making tea while he unpacked his saddlebags. He piled up the books on the table. There were not as many as he had hoped, but there were a couple of fat volumes among them, which promised much information.

They sat and drank their tea while looking through the books. Sonea was taken with a rather small book, bound in faded red leather with the remains of a clasp on the binding, but on opening it, could not read the text.

"What's this?" she asked.

"It's an old copy of an even older copy of a very old book of magic," Akkarin replied. "I wanted it because I vaguely remember it from my early days in the Guild. It has some information on dream walking which may help to explain Justen's ability.

"But I can't read it, I don't recognise the language."

He laughed, "No, it's a rather obscure dialect used in the Grey Mountains over a thousand years ago. I doubt there are many who can speak it fluently nowadays. I learned a little during my time as a novice from an old magician who had lived there in his youth. It will be a slow process to make sense of it, but I think it may be worth all our trouble."

Sonea burst out laughing, "Only you would go to a lot of effort to find an old book in a language only one of us knows a little bit about and which is not even original but a copy of what someone copied from somewhere else who knows where, hundreds of years ago!"

"That is very true, Sonea. But I will teach you what I can remember of the language and we can study it together."

Although she tried to hide it quickly, Akkarin caught the grimace she made at the thought of all the work involved. Although she was a bright student and a quick learner, recently, he had the impression that she was beginning to chafe at all the work he made her do. It was important to him, however, that they continued to study together. Apart from any physical attraction, Akkarin had always admired Sonea's sharpness of mind. It made working and studying with her a pleasure. It also kept his own mind sharp discussing challenging things with her. She had a different view of the world developed by her upbringing as a dwell, which gave him a new perspective on events and people. He called her his wild card because she made unexpected connections or took actions he would not have considered. Of all the students he had known over his years as a Guild magician, Sonea was the best. There was no doubt in his mind that his life would have been the poorer without her companionship.

Before she could dwell on her dissatisfaction with the work ahead. Akkarin produced his gift and handed it to her. Her eyes widened as she took the pouch. She quickly opened it and pulled out the silk-covered package. Unwrapping the material, she caught her breath at the exquisite object within, holding it up to the light to admire the sheen from the carved and highly polished stone. The light literally bounced off it, creating a luminous glow around the deity.

"It's beautiful," she said softly, glancing over at him, smiling broadly. "Thank you so much."

She moved towards him, flinging her arms around his neck, kissing him quickly, then held out the chain so he could put it around her neck and do up the clasp. Siryru lay in the hollow of her throat and it seemed to Akkarin that she was already covering Sonea with her protection.

"You still wear the Corres talisman?" he asked.

She nodded and pulled it out to show him. It had a much longer chain and was usually hidden from view.

"Good, we will have to make more use of it when Justen returns."

Later, as she lay sleeping curled up beside him, he thought back to what he remembered about Siryru. Dakova had been fond of her image so it adorned many of his possessions. It was almost as if he regarded her as his own protecting deity, and quickly punished those he thought showed her little respect. As far as Akkarin could remember, Siryru was fierce in battle, using her talons to capture and rend apart her enemies. Although, as a Guild magician he was not superstitious and did not hold with deities, protecting or otherwise, he had the strongest feeling that the blue beast would be important for Sonea.

He didn't know why this feeling was so strong, only that once he had seen the jewel, he had to buy it for Sonea. _It was the Other's strange view of women_ , he thought, _just as if he was an Ichani_. _That's what it must be. Sonea needs protection from the Other and perhaps Siryru is just what she needs._


	14. Warnings

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Warnings**

As Takan rounded the last corner, he hoped with all his heart that the time he had given Akkarin through his and the boy's absence had been enough. He was not absolutely clear in his own mind what had happened when Justen had been alone with Sonea, only that his master had been furious at being kept in the dark. He'd had a very painful conversation afterwards with Akkarin, who made it clear that under no circumstances, no matter what Sonea or Justen said, Takan was never to allow Sonea to be put in danger in that way again.

 _But what could I have done_ , he thought. _Sonea ordered me not to interfere or let Akkarin know._

It was not in Takan's nature to dwell on what was past. Life as an Ichani slave had taught him that lesson. Later, in the Residence, he had used the same approach. It allowed him to cope with living among several hundred magicians by enabling him to keep the fear at bay. So true to his way of life, he turned his thoughts away from recent unpleasantness and glanced across at the boy. Justen seemed cheerful enough. He loved riding, so having several days travelling around the countryside made him very happy indeed. They had sampled the delights of Galia, visiting the market to make their purchases, having a meal at the inn and enjoying the local entertainment. Then they had made their way to Sonea's estate. They had not gone to the house or contacted the caretakers, but explored the surrounding countryside instead. Justen had even spent some time learning to fish in one of the streams running through the meadow. They had eaten his catch for supper and the boy had been so proud to have caught such fine fish on his first attempt.

Takan had been a large part of Justen's life since his birth and it had been a largely pleasant experience teaching the boy the practical skills necessary for life in the mountains. It was almost like having a son of his own, because Akkarin and Sonea were either away, or taken up with study and left the two of them alone for long periods. Takan and Justen had been comfortable companions, developing a way of communicating which made conversation easy and sharing many similar likes and dislikes. Justen had a natural curiosity which made him want to know exactly what Takan was doing as he tended the crops or prepared food and Takan had been only too willing to show him.

But lately, Takan had become aware of a different look in Justen's eyes sometimes, a cold, calculating look which had never been there before.

At first, he had thought he was imagining things. The look flashed into and out of existence very quickly, so it was easy to persuade oneself it wasn't really there at all. But after catching glimpses of this new expression three or four times, Takan began to pay much closer attention, trying to pin down exactly what it was he was seeing.

The only way he could explain it was to think that, for a second, the boy's whole demeanour changed and it was if a different person looked through his eyes, then it was gone. It was silly, of course, Takan told himself, to think there was someone different looking through the boy's eyes, but the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that was exactly what it was.

He found he could prevent the strange occurrence happening by keeping the boy distracted, so he had kept up a steady stream of chatter, asking questions, explaining things and generally keeping every spare minute of their time together filled with conversation.

They were still chattering as they turned in towards the stables. It took only a few minutes to settle the horses down in their stalls and fill their mangers with fresh fodder. Then Justen set off for the house almost at a run, eager to greet his parents and show off his purchases. Taken went at a slower pace, not wanting to intrude on the family reunion. By the time he reached the parlour, Sonea had set out a plate of cakes and was busy pouring the tea.

Takan looked carefully at her and then at Akkarin. To his relief, things appeared friendly and back to normal. Justen was obviously communicating with his parents, as he had that familiar faintly distracted look of a magician concentrating on sending. Takan sank gratefully into a chair, thinking ruefully to himself that long riding expeditions were beginning to take their toll on his aching body.

Sonea came towards him carrying a large mug of tea and as she bent to place it on the table beside him, he caught a glimpse of what she was wearing around her neck. He could not prevent the sharp intake of breath which followed and she looked at him strangely. His fingers moved automatically, making the sign as he had been taught so many years previously. At the same time, he was conscious of Akkarin's sharp command; _Be silent!_ reverberating throughout his being. He turned, wide eyed, to his Master disbelief written clearly on his face.

Akkarin's face was impassive, but Taken could feel the strong intensity of emotions thrumming through their blood gem link. His blood ran cold to think that his Master had brought Siryru into their home. He could feel himself begin to tremble. He had never thought to see her again, not after so many years. _What was Akkarin thinking of? How could he not know of the danger?_

Abruptly, Akkarin closed their link and Takan found his mind frozen, unable to think clearly for a few disorientating minutes. His hand reached for the tea and brought the mug to his lips. He sipped and replaced the mug. He could see himself, as if in a dream slowly drinking down his tea. Then his brain unlocked itself and he could think normally again. _I have to make Akkarin understand_ , he told himself fiercely.

Sonea apparently had noticed nothing, but went on pouring tea for Akkarin and herself, before sitting down. She looked at the others, seemingly uncertain in the sudden silence. Justen grabbed her arm to draw her attention to a new toy he had bought in the market and then Akkarin too was drawn in.

Takan stared unseeingly at the family, his mind, freed from any constraint, working furiously. He had to do something, he had to convince Akkarin to remove the jewel quickly. _Where did it come from?_ He could not believe that it had been in Sonea's possession very long, otherwise he would have noticed. _Akkarin must have obtained it_ _but where from?_ It was a thing of Sachaka. In all his years in Kyralia, he had never seen anything remotely resembling Siryru.

All though supper and afterwards, Takan tried to decide what he could do to make Akkarin to remove the jewel from their house. Every plan he came up with he soon discarded. Akkarin would need to be persuaded and Takan was uncertain whether or not he was capable of that. But he had to try.

It was Takan's usual practice to retire to his own bed fairly soon after they had had their evening drinks – wine for Sonea and Akkarin, and fruit juice for himself. He usually rose early to make the bread and prepare breakfast, so he rarely lingered. Tonight, though he had decided he must try to speak to Akkarin. There must be no delay.

After a while, Sonea went upstairs with Justen and he took the opportunity of her absence to speak to Akkarin, "I must talk to you," he said.

Akkarin frowned, "Can't it wait, I am tired."

"No, it cannot."

"In that case, fetch more wine, I feel I'm going to need it."

Takan didn't respond to Akkarin's attempt at humour but simply provided the extra wine as requested. He watched Akkarin fill his glass and drink it down swiftly. He waited until the glass was refilled and then spoke his carefully rehearsed words.

"Akkarin, you must get Siryru out of this house and away from Sonea now."

He paused, waiting for the inevitable explosion, but it didn't come. Instead, Akkarin took another mouthful of wine and swallowed it carefully. He seemed to be waiting for Takan to continue. Abruptly he decided to change his approach. He sat down, reached for his glass and drank half the contents.

"Akkarin, how much do you know about Siryru?"

His Master seemed surprised by the question and frowned, "She is a protecting deity, well known in Sachaka."

"Oh, she is much more than that. When I was a child, living with my family, I would not have found any images of her in any house in the village. To see her, I would have to have travelled to a town where there were temples and priests to see her. Even then, I would have had to visit on particular days, when her image was brought into the light, for people to see. Most of the time she was hidden, with only her priests to keep watch."

"Dakova's camp was full of her image," Akkarin interrupted. "He put representations of her everywhere."

Takan laughed without humour, "Yes he did, didn't he? And what happened to him and all his power and wealth? They were destroyed. You killed them all."

"I don't see your point." Akkarin's voice was cold.

Takan suppressed the words which threatened to burst from him and took a deep breath. There was too much at stake to risk making Akkarin determined to keep the image. He took a deep breath, "Siryru will protect an individual, or a house and its occupants, or a group. There are prayers to implore her to do this. She will destroy your enemies and keep you safe, but there is a price which has to be paid and that price is blood. Dakova and his followers paid the blood price. Do you want the same to happen to this house?"

Takan stared at his Master. _Does he not understand?_ Akkarin gave no response for a moment or two, then he laughed.

"Takan, I am a man of Kyralia, we do not believe such superstitious nonsense. How can an unseen beast interfere in the affairs of man? Have you seen her fly from the sky and wreak vengeance?" He paused for a moment but when Takan made no response, he smiled, "No? I thought not! I did not see Siryru fly down on Dakova's camp and tear him to bits. It was I who killed him and all his followers, not some powerful deity come from the skies."

Takan frowned. _Does he really not understand?_ "Siryru does not appear before the eyes of men, she wreaks her vengeance through the actions of others."

This time, Akkarin's laughter was loud and long, "Can you hear yourself? You sound like some frightened priest mouthing words he has been taught trying to explain the absence of a physical being. I thought you had left all your superstitions behind. I bought the jewel because I liked the image and Sonea deserves a gift. That's all. Now I think it is time to sleep."

"But you are a magician – you deal in the unseen every day."

"Magic is firmly rooted in skill and training. It has rules and consequences. It can be tested. The results of its use are clearly demonstrated. It is not the same thing at all! This matter is closed. I do not want to hear any more of this nonsense!"

Takan remained seated as Akkarin stalked from the room, closing the door a little too hard behind him. He felt despair fill him. There was danger for all of them as long as the image of Siryru remained in the house.

 _There's no help for it, I must steal her and take her far from here. Then it will only be my life at risk and not theirs._


	15. Dreams

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Dreams**

Settling Justen down for the night had developed into a regular pattern which both Sonea and her son enjoyed. Once he was washed and dressed in his sleeping garments, she would sit on his bed while he told her about the things that he had done during the day, which she may not have known about, and what he had learned. In turn she told him about her day, making her tale a series of humorous accounts of various incidents. Finally, she would tell him a story. Usually he liked to hear about when she was a child and the antics she got up to with her friends, running wild in the city. He was particularly fond of hearing about Cery. On occasions, he would ask about the Guild and the things she had done there. She was always wary of discussing her time as a novice, especially since she had learned about the Other.

This particular night, Justen had asked a lot of questions about her magic lessons and how she had been taught. Sonea had always been careful to appear to answer his questions fully, but without giving away any real details. But this time he was persistent, probing her account of lessons, asking more and more detailed questions until she decided he would not be diverted so she must end the session. Despite his protests, she pulled the bed covers up around him, told him to go to sleep and bent down to give him a kiss. As she did so, the neck of her shirt fell open exposing the jewel on the thin chain around her neck. Justen's eyes grew wide as he saw it.

 _What is that?_

 _A gift from Verrin, he gave it to me today._

 _Let me hold it._

Sonea was disturbed by what she heard in the tone of his mental communication. It seemed full of longing and under it all, something she could not identify. She shook her head, smiling, _No it is time for sleep. Perhaps another time._

Justen's face darkened as he made a grab for it. Sonea was not quick enough to get out of the way and felt a sharp pain as the chain was pulled against the back of her neck. As she tried to extricate herself, the chain broke and the jewel fell to the floor.

In an instant, Justen was out of bed, scrabbling around, feeling for the stone. Sonea was just a fraction quicker, her hand closed around the image and she stood quickly before Justen had a chance to grab it. For a moment, she thought he might try to take it from her by force, as she saw the fury in his eyes, but the feeling passed as Justen suddenly became still, his expression changed to one of calmness as he turned and got back into bed.

Sonea watched him for a moment, but it seemed he was settling to sleep, his eyes closed and his breathing becoming deep and regular. She bent down to rescue the chain, but to her surprise, it had broken into individual pieces of twisted links. Not one link remained connected to another. She had never seen anything like it and couldn't think how it had happened. She hastily scooped up the broken links to try to mend them with magic, but the metal resisted any change she tried to make, remaining broken beyond repair.

She shoved the broken pieces of chain into a pocket so she could try again later. She needed to protect the jewel, but what to do with it? She thought for a moment then pulled the other, much longer, chain she wore from beneath her shirt. Undoing the clasp, she threaded the chain through the loop and felt the stone slide down until it reached the talisman made of Corres Fort stone. There was a faint sound, a bit like a chime, as the two pendants nudged together. She redid the clasp and stuffed the chain inside her shirt. She felt the pendants fall into place between her breasts. She did up her shirt and took one last look at Justen. He was deeply asleep. She left without disturbing him, closing the door quietly.

There was no sign of Akkarin and no indication of how long he would be. Sonea yawned, she felt weary all of a sudden, so she quickly washed, changed into her sleeping garments and slid into bed. It was with a deep feeling of relief that she eliminated the globe light and wrapped herself in the soft covers. She mentally repeated a charm to bring sleep and it soon took effect. She was distantly aware when Akkarin slipped in beside her but was too tired to respond when he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck. She felt him settle against her before she drifted away again.

There was a soft noise she couldn't identify, followed by the sound of footsteps. Sonea knew she was asleep, but struggled with the idea she was awake. All around her was darkness. Not the terrifying darkness that the Other had created, but a soft, clinging darkness. The sounds continued, some she thought were more like sighs than anything else, but others were like nothing she had heard before. She strained to make sense of them, but all meaning eluded her.

Suddenly there was a much louder sound, like the rushing of wind and Sonea had the sense that something very large was nearby. She tried to send to Akkarin, but there was no response from her magic. She opened her mouth to call, but no sound emerged. All the while, the rushing sound got louder and louder. Sonea knew she must not see what was making the noise for that path led to great danger. All the while, the sound grew louder and louder until she thought her ears would burst. She struggled to free herself from fear. Then, as suddenly as it arrived, the loud sound disappeared. Sonea found herself in a green space, filled with light, as a deep feeling of peace filled her and she drifted away.

The next morning, Sonea remembered her dream but only as fractured images which made no sense. She could recall her fear and knew that her magic had been stifled, but little else. While carrying on an ordinary conversation with Akkarin and Justen as she ate breakfast, she pondered the images she did remember, but could reach no conclusion about what the dream was trying to tell her, if anything. Normally, Sonea was not a person who was troubled by bad dreams, but this time, she could not shake off the feeling that it was vital she remembered what had happened. Eventually, with her thoughts trailing round and round to little effect, she decided to put it all out of her mind and to concentrate on the day ahead.

The day passed as usual without any problems or difficulties. Akkarin was immersed in one of his recent purchases and left the day's lessons to her. Justen was a model pupil and they made a lot of progress. As the weather was fine, and Justen had behaved well, Sonea announced during the mid-day meal that the rest of the day would be a holiday from lessons. Justen rushed off to play with his latest toys while Akkarin returned to the library to continue he research. Sonea, not wishing to study further for the moment, decided to spend time in her garden.

She relished her time out in the fresh air working on her display of shrubs and flowers. The garden wasn't very big, as most of the cultivatable land was needed for food and fodder for the horses, but she loved every part of it. It was a constant source of amusement to Akkarin who could not understand the satisfaction she got from working entirely without magic and frequently made fun of her grubby hands after one of her planting sessions.

The garden did its job well and by the time she had spent a couple of hours on hands and knees carefully weeding, she was feeling much happier and had put all thoughts of her troubled night out of her mind.

Later that evening, over a glass of their favourite wine, Sonea discussed her dream with Akkarin. If anything, her memories were even more fragmented than they had been that morning, so she wasn't really able to tell him anything definite. However, he was very interested in her experiences, particularly as the current text he was studying was concerned with dreams and what they might mean.

"It's a strange coincidence," he mused, "but I have been reading about the interpretation of dreams in one of the oldest texts I have. It used to be a large part of some magicians' work, and they were in great demand among the Houses where dreams were carefully written down and used to indicate what action should be taken or investments made. Apparently, the fees magicians earned for it made some of them very rich indeed."

"I don't remember learning much about dreams during my time in the Guild or that magicians were involved in interpreting them," she replied.

"No, you wouldn't have done because about five hundred years ago, the High Lord of the time outlawed the dream magic. I haven't been able to find out why, but it did cause some upset in the Guild, particularly from those who made a lot of money from the activity."

Sonea couldn't imagine having to listen to other people's dreams for a living and she was glad that that particular discipline had long vanished from the Guild. Still she couldn't shake off the feeling that it was important for her to understand her own nightmare. If she had the same dream again, it might be useful for Akkarin to examine her memories to see if he could explain what it was all about. She mentioned her idea and was gratified when he smiled at her approvingly.

"A good idea, Sonea. I may be able to make sense of it. The text gives some examples of different interpretations which may help. Keep pen and paper by the bed and write down exactly what you remember as soon as you are awake"

Pleased there was a plan, Sonea settled down to sleep with anticipation, but no dreams came that night. Nor the next three nights. Her clean sheet of paper remained unused.

As Sonea prepared for sleep on the fourth night, she had given up hope of ever having the dream again. Instead, her mind turned to more pleasant things as Akkarin kissed her and his hands wandered over her body. Soon she was lost in the pleasure aroused by their lovemaking. This time it seemed more intense, more passionate than in recent months and she gave herself up to it entirely. Afterwards she felt herself drift off into sleep.

The clinging darkness was all around her. She strained to hear any sound. She could hear nothing. Then, faintly, came a sound she knew she had heard before. It rang softly, as if very distant, three times. Then silence again. She began to walk, although she could see nothing, as a strong feeling she must move filled her mind. If only she could run. She must not see what was coming. Then, just when she thought it would not happen, she heard the loud rushing of wind and panic drove her forward, arms outstretched, as she tried to outrun it. She must not see it! She must not see….

Just as it happened the first time, the sound stopped. The darkness melted away. Sonea found herself in a green space filled with light. A strong feeling of peace filled her and she found herself falling, drifting, as light as a feather, into deep sleep.


	16. Remembering

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Remembering**

Akkarin could make no real sense of Sonea's dream. She had followed his instructions and as soon as she had woken up, she wrote down everything she could remember. It wasn't much. Akkarin gained the impression that some sort of noise had frightened her but she had no clear idea what the noise was or what had made it. This time, she couldn't even remember any images apart from darkness.

She had brought him the paper covered with her scribbles as they sat down for breakfast and watched eagerly as he read it. She waited expectantly for him to interpret the dream for her so, as he didn't want to disappoint her, he spoke fluently about the importance of sound in dreams and how that could spark memory so that the dreamer would soon remember. He added one or two bits of arcane magic lore he remembered which had some vague association with dreams and hoped it would be enough to reassure her.

Sonea had waited for a moment after he finished, a frown creasing her forehead. When he said nothing further, she nodded, smiled her thanks and turned to her breakfast. He noticed that she carefully retrieved the paper, folded it and put it in her pocket. He had the distinct impression that there was something she wasn't telling him…again.

When he and Sonea first became lovers, she had told him everything. She shared her feelings, her worries and her dreams for the future. It overwhelmed him. Following his graduation, he had tended to lead a rather solitary life bound up in study, looking for the discovery that would confirm his status as a, if not the, leading magician of the age. His early desire for solitude had been reinforced by his time as an Ichani slave, and then his self-appointed task to destroy the black magicians sent to test the Guild's defences. He had interacted with people as necessary – the King, the Court, the magicians in the Guild and foreign diplomats – but he had no real friends with whom he could share his inner-most self, not even Lorlen, the closest thing to a friend he had, knew much more about him than anyone else. But that wasn't a cause of regret to Akkarin. By then, keeping his inner self hidden had become second nature.

It had come as something as a shock to find Sonea liked to chatter and expected him to do the same. Their rather difficult time at the Residence had given him the impression that she, too, was a solitary creature. Once they became lovers, however, it was if a dam had broken within her and she talked almost without cease, describing her emotions in great detail and trying to persuade him to reveal more about himself. At first, he had listened and tried to join in, but long years of carefully guarding himself from any degree of intimacy, made it very difficult. After a while, he stopped trying and merely allowed her to chatter, making appropriate sounds of approval or agreement where necessary. It seemed to work for a time, then he noticed that Sonea spoke less and less about her own feelings and emotions. He was greatly relieved. It took some time for him to realise that not only had she stopped her never-ending chatter, but she was actually keeping things from him.

He began to watch her unobserved, reading her surface thoughts, looking for the tell-tale indications that she was being less than honest about some things. It wasn't that he wished to expose her as a compulsive liar, if indeed she was, more it was an academic study, to see if he could easily recognise certain signs. It didn't take him long. He wondered if she was aware of his study. Sometimes he caught a stray expression in her eyes which made him think she was, but of course, he couldn't ask.

Akkarin sighed, it was now second nature for Sonea to keep things from him and he regretted it. Being completely honest with himself, he knew that the fault was his alone. His lack of interest in what she shared, coupled with his own failure to speak of his feelings, had led to this situation. Sonea deserved better from him, he knew, but he didn't know how to put it right. Recently he had tried, starting conversations which offered cues for Sonea to express her feelings more clearly, but she didn't take up the opportunities available. He knew how to be patient, so he continued to work at changing the situation, but things did not improve. Sonea was a formidable woman and if she decided on a particular path, it was almost impossible to deflect her from it. Thus he was not completely surprised at his lack of success, so he fell back on his usual technique which was to try to identify what he needed to know despite Sonea's desire to keep things from him.

Right now, he needed to know what she was keeping from him about the dreams. He could see that she was mulling something over and over in her mind, the results of which didn't seem to please her. He could ask, but it was more than likely she would deny there was any problem. He could only watch and wait.

000ooo000

Sonea had been careful not to show Akkarin how disappointed she was with his explanation of her dream. It was obvious he had no more idea of its meaning that she did and she was not fooled by his exposition on magic and dreams. Despite the feelings of fear she'd experienced she wanted to have the dream again, because this time, she was determined to remember. She was unsure how to direct her dreams, however. Her only option was to think about the dreams as she was drifting off to sleep and hope they would return. She would make a strong effort to encourage the dream again tonight.

She looked down at the pile of twisted metal on the table. There was some sort of link between what had happened to the chain and her dream. She had no evidence for it, but she just knew that there was. If only she could mend the chain, the dreams would cease. She knew that too, but she didn't know why.

She had tried everything she could think of to try to mend the chain, but nothing had worked. It was almost as if some sort of powerful magic had caused the failure and now prevented any change. She picked up a link and looked at it closely. It was like the others she had examined, all twisted out of recognition. It occurred to her that Akkarin might have seen something like this before, so she needed to show him. He might wonder why she had not told him about the incident with Justen, and why she had waited several days to reveal the damage to the chain. _I'll just have to think of something to explain it! I can be vague about when it happened._ Part of her regretted that she needed to invent reasons to explain whatever the circumstances she had to reveal to Akkarin, but unfortunately that course of action had become more frequent over the years, so she was able to dismiss her regret quickly.

She gathered the bits of chain together. slipped them into her pocket and went in search of Akkarin.

000ooo000

Akkarin set aside the parchment as Sonea came in. Her face was slightly flushed and he was aware that her breathing was heightened. _Ah, she is going to tell me something she has kept hidden._ He took no pleasure, a few minutes later, in being proved sat down opposite him and removed something from her pocket. She opened her hand and released a number of small pieces of metal.

"Have you seen anything like this before?" she asked.

He picked up one of the small objects, "It's part of a chain?"

She nodded, "The chain from the new jewel you gave me the other day."

He said nothing, but simply waited for her to continue. She told him of Justen's odd reaction to seeing the jewel and how the chain broke when he went to grab it. The way she told the story, it seemed this had happened very recently, but Akkarin wondered exactly when it had happened. He suspected it was earlier than she implied. He had not noticed the absence of the jewel and chided himself. He should have noticed immediately, especially as he had thought of Sonea wearing it as some sort of protection, but his thoughts had been fixed on other things when he reached for Sonea as they lay in their bed.

"I collected the bits to mend it, but nothing I have tried has made any difference to any of the bits. They simply do not react to any magic I have used."

He believed her, but nevertheless tried some magic of his own, but nothing changed. "Every piece is the same?"

"Yes and I know I collected them all. Even the clasp is twisted out of all recognition."

He made her go over her story twice more until he was certain of the order of events. He was sure that the Other had seen the jewel and recognised it. The fact that he had wanted to remove it from Sonea added to his belief that Siryru had some sort of significance for the Other. The events also confirmed his growing certainty that the Other was strongly influenced by Ichani beliefs. All he needed to do now, was to find out why.

 _Should I mention this to Sonea?_ He thought quickly and came to the conclusion that now was not the time. Instead he wanted to make sure she would still wear the carving of Siryru. "What did you do with the pendant?"

She smiled and pulled at the other chain she wore. She held it would so he could see Siryru nestled next to the Corres Fort talisman. There was something unusual that caught his eye and he motioned for Sonea to take the chain off and hand it to him.

The two objects were warm in his hand as expected but the way the light was playing around them was not. He looked closer and an involuntary exclamation escaped him. Sonea stared at him and then following his eyes, looked down at what he held in his hand.

"What's happened?" she asked.

Akkarin held up the chain so that she could see. Some of the sparkling crystals from the Corres Fort stone had attached themselves to the figure of Siryru, so that she also gleamed like the other talisman.

Sonea's mouth opened in surprise but she remembered to shut it before Akkarin noticed. "How did that happen?" she asked.

"I have never heard of such a thing happening before. Did you use any magic when you put the two together?"

Sonea shook her head, "No, I only wanted somewhere safe to put the jewel until I mended its chain. I simply threaded it on the other chain and let it fall."

"Did you notice or feel anything unusual?"

She shook her head again, "No, there was a slight noise when they came together…..oh!"

Sonea stopped speaking and her mouth fell open, this time she made no attempt to hide it.

"What is it?" Akkarin asked, impatience evident in his sharp tone.

"The noise, it was like a sort of chime, you know, like the bells used in the Guild sometimes. And I heard it again, later. I heard it in my dream."


	17. Alone

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Alone**

Sonea could have slapped herself for not remembering where she had heard the sound from her dream. She glanced over at Akkarin. He was frowning, the lines in his forehead quite marked. She hoped that remembering the sound would be the final clue that would allow him to interpret her dream, but when he looked over at her, she could see from his expression that he was still puzzled.

He made her go over the dream again, saying exactly at what point she remembered hearing the sound. She toyed with the chain, trying to make the two pendants make the same noise but to no avail. She looked up in frustration, "I can't make the noise again. I've tried everything. Here," she shoved the chain over to Akkarin, "you try."

Akkarin took his time. He held the chain in one hand and looked closely at how the two objects hung together. He took them off the chain and held them in his hand, turning them over and examining them closely. He threaded them back on the chain and stared at them before letting them slide down. They nudged together, but there was no sound. He tried several more times with the same result.

Sonea watched his long, pale fingers play with the pendants and chain. She had always been fascinated by his hands. Even before she understood her real feelings for him, she had taken pleasure from watching his hands. He had particularly fine ones, with long, elegant fingers, and she loved to see how they manipulated things, how he employed them in conversation, and, later, how he could use them to make her body tremble with pleasure. Her own hands were ordinary, neither particularly thin and elegant nor large and clumsy, and during her time in the Residence, she had often thought how much better she would look with pale thin hands like Akkarin.

She smiled inwardly to herself. When she had found herself falling deeply in love with Akkarin, it had been his mouth which had drawn her close attention; the shape of it, the way his lips formed the crooked curve of his smile and how it was framed by the soft darkness of his beard. She remembered with crystal clarity the feel of it on her own the first time they had kissed, the way the simple action of pressing two sets of lips together had stirred something deep inside which had never gone away. Yet, it was his hands which had awakened such passion within her during their lovemaking. She remembered anew the feel of those long, elegant fingers as they played across her skin and the delicious ripples of pleasure that spread from where they touched.

She suddenly became aware, that he had said something and looked up quickly to find him smiling at her, a knowing gleam in his eyes _. Reading my thoughts again._ She felt the beginnings of a flush across her cheeks and ruthlessly supressed it. He would know she had used magic and exactly why she had done so. It was all so frustrating living with a magician who happened to be the best reader of minds in the whole of the Allied Lands! She covered her confusion by asking sharply, "What did you say?"

He didn't answer straight away, but kept looking at her and smiling that special crooked smile which set her blood on fire. She glared at him until he said, "I asked if you would try again."

She all but snatched the chain and heard him give a soft laugh, "Sonea, you do bring a certain something to living up here in the mountains."

She refused to answer, concentrating on trying to recreate the sound but she could not. After a few minutes, she all but threw the chain down on the table and sighed, "It's no good. I cannot."

Akkarin picked up the chain and lowered it over her head, "I don't want you to take this off, especially at night. Do you understand?"

"Why? They are only pieces of stone after all. It's probably just coincidence that my dreaming brain remembered a sound they made together once." Sonea heard the mulish tone in her voice, but was powerless to prevent it.

Akkarin's voice took on the patient tone she hated, "The Corres stone is full of magic and now that magic appears to have crossed into the jewel I gave you. I think that is important. I don't know what the effect will be, but I want you to wear them both, together, on one chain. Will you do that for me?"

Sonea was angry with herself for acting like a child and angry with Akkarin for making her do so. She struggled successfully against the urge to say something she would regret later and managed to smile at him, "Yes, of course I will."

"Good. Now I think you should try to forget your dream for the moment. Perhaps something will come to mind, if you aren't trying too hard to think about it. We have work to do." Akkarin pushed a small pile of texts towards her. "See what you can find in there that might help us with Justen."

It was a fruitless search, like so many before this one. Sonea was only too happy when Akkarin signalled an end to the investigation. Her head felt heavy and her eyes tired from staring at cramped writing and ancient words she didn't quite understand. She pushed the texts away and stretched to relieve her aching shoulders, allowing a trickle of Healing to take away her fatigue.

"It's no use, is it?" she asked sadly. "We have looked at so many books, parchments and texts and found nothing. I am beginning to think that Justen and the Other are unique and there will be nothing to help us."

Akkarin got up to pour some wine, handing her a brimming glass, before sitting down again, nursing his own glass. He took a couple of sips. hesitating a little before replying, "You may be right. I am running out of ideas where to look and there is very little left on my list to obtain."

Sonea was startled. She had expected him to mention another approach, or the title of another text they needed. He always had another plan. That was one of his strengths. For him to practically admit defeat was shocking. She struggled for something, anything, to suggest. Eventually she said, "Perhaps we need help, there may be others at the Guild who could suggest areas to explore in more detail."

Akkarin stared at her, a strange expression on his face, "Who do you suggest?"

"Well, a Healer might have some experience of it."

"A Healer? Any suggestions as to who might be able to throw some light on the problem?"

There was something in his voice which should have warned her, but she ignored it, "We could send to Lorlen….."

She could sense his anger, which he seemed unable to hide, it was icy and all the more forceful for the calmness in his voice, "I see, you think that Lorlen could solve a problem which has so far defeated two powerful, higher magicians whose knowledge of magic is far greater than his? What is this intellectual power you think he has which can help?"

Sonea's own anger was rising, "Akkarin, we have spent weeks combing through every book you can think of to find out more and we have made no progress at all! All the while, the Other is getting stronger and he may soon overwhelm Justen completely and then we will have lost our son. We have to think of something else. It seems to me that we could ask Lorlen to use the Guild's library to extend the search. I'm sure he would help, we only have to ask."

He rose abruptly and began to pace up and down. He said nothing but she got the sense that he was struggling to prevent himself saying something which would have a detrimental effect on their relationship. She grimaced inwardly. She should have remembered what happened when he found out she had met Lorlen in Imardin and that he had known about her pregnancy long before Akkarin. There was something almost like jealousy in his reactions. But of course, that was stupid, he had absolutely no reason to be jealous of Lorlen _. Not in a sexual sense_ , her rational mind insisted, _but in an emotional sense, he has. You share with Lorlen and keep things from him!_

She was honest enough to acknowledge the truth of that. She had told Lorlen much that she was supposed to keep to herself. She had involved him in a conspiracy to keep knowledge of her pregnancy from Akkarin and, in keeping that secret, she had allowed the Ichani to harm her unborn child. Although she had never told Akkarin about her responsibility for the harm to Justen, he was aware of her dealings with Lorlen and was hurt by them. Her guilt drove her to try to repair the damage her careless naming of Lorlen had caused.

"Of course there are others who could help, Vinara for example, she would do much for you, if only you asked. I only mentioned Lorlen because he knows where we live, he could easily bring any discoveries from the library."

Akkarin stopped his relentless pacing, poured more wine and sat down again, a cold smile on his face, "No, he doesn't."

"No, he doesn't what?"

"He doesn't know where we live anymore."

"Akkarin, what have you done?"

His smile deepened, "You still have the lock of my hair, so it cannot be used again to find us, but Lorlen would probably remember most of the journey he made to get here, so before we left Imardin, I removed all knowledge of where we lived from his mind. He doesn't even remember that he once knew it."

She stared at him, aghast, "Why did you do that?"

"Why do you think, Sonea?"

She shook her head, still having difficulty understanding why Akkarin would have done such a thing. He watched her for a moment, then some warmth crept into his smile, "Remember our plans to retreat from the Guild, to go far from Imardin, and live here, just the four of us, with plenty of time for study? I thought if there was anyone left who knew where we were, then we could never be alone as we had planned. Someone would always know how to get here and we would never be free of the Guild."

She understood then, and acknowledged his reasons, "Yes, that makes sense, but you should have told me, Akkarin."

"You're right, I should have explained. I meant to, but somehow it all got lost in coming home and trying to deal with the Other."

"So it is only you and I who can work at this problem," she said softly, "there is no-one else to help."


	18. Reflections

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Reflections**

Akkarin left his horse in an area of plentiful and lush grazing, using magic to set boundaries to prevent him wandering, and began to climb. He had given Sonea the impression that he was meeting his smugglers, but in fact, he wanted time to think. He was finding difficulty in thinking clearly at home but the problems he was wrestling with demanded concentration. With Sonea and Justen around, and the constant need to control what was said or what was thought, that was just not possible.

He enjoyed the climb, despite the fact that it was steep and difficult. He could have used levitation to reach his goal, but he needed to work off some physical energy after pouring over texts for days. He carried a small pack containing a skin of watered wine and some bread, cheese and fruit and there were further supplies in the horse's saddlebags, safely hidden under some bushes. Sonea was not expecting him back for a few days so he had all the time in the world to work through the problems and hopefully find a solution.

After half an hour's steady climb, he reached the summit where there was a small plateau of mountain meadow ablaze with wild flowers and droning insects. He found a comfortable spot and sat down, his legs, crossed at the ankles, stretched out before him, and a smooth rock at his back. He opened the pack and ate some of the bread and cheese, then took a long drink from the skin. He wiped his mouth and stowed the remainder of the food back in the pack. He leaned back against the rock and closed his eyes.

He worked through Sonea's account of her dreams once again. He considered, then dismissed the idea that the Other was somehow involved in whatever had taken place. Nothing she had said indicated that either he or Justen had been part of the dreams in any way. That had been one of his fears, that the Other would insert himself into their dreams, as he had done at least once before, and somehow control their actions. Akkarin cursed his lack of knowledge of how dream walkers operated. By the time he had become a novice, the art of dream walking had been lost to the Guild for hundreds of years and did not form even the smallest part of magic studies. He doubted that it had even been mentioned in passing by his teachers. He had only ever found vague references to it in ancient texts, when looking for answers to other questions, and those references he had not bothered to investigate. Until his experiences with the Other, he had no reason to believe that it was even possible for someone to insert themselves into another's dreams. Now he regretted his lack of research especially as he no longer had access to the vast collection of books at the Guild. There was a limit to how many titles he could remember or buy through his smuggler network.

He frowned, remembering Sonea's idea of using Lorlen to search the library on their behalf. _What is it about Lorlen?_ Sonea had made a habit of confiding in the Healer, telling her secrets while keeping Akkarin in the dark. The familiar bitterness rose again, as he thought about all the things that had happened between his companion and his friend over the years. It had poisoned his feelings towards Lorlen, despite himself. As far as he was concerned, he never wanted to see his former Administrator again.

Still, there was no point dwelling on past mistakes or issues. He had to find a way of dealing with their current problems. He had registered Sonea's shock when he admitted he had little idea of how to proceed. Sometimes it was difficult, if not impossible, to live up to people's expectations and always produce the cunning strategy which achieved whatever goal they were aiming for. He had to admit in all modesty that his record in this area was rather good, but that didn't always mean he had the answer. His reputation for successful diplomacy had been built up over the years and he knew without a doubt he was the man responsible for avoiding many difficult traps set by Kyralia's enemies, ensuring that the King ruled a peaceful kingdom, but it was becoming difficult to live up to his own reputation. He had lost count how many times recently he had longed to say he didn't have an answer and tell others to work the problem out for themselves. This was one of those times.

What he had said to Sonea, though, wasn't quite true. He had known from the beginning, that there was something else to consider, that there was one action he could take to solve the issue of the Other, but he didn't want to give voice to it yet. He had never admitted or even hinted of the possibility to Sonea and tried not to dwell on it himself. He hoped that she had not thought of it either. It was a plan of final resort, all other avenues had to be explored first.

He had not yet resolved the further surprising puzzle of the Other's Ichani attitudes and beliefs. Justen was unaware of the Ichani and their way of life, so the Other could not be simply reading Justen's mind. Akkarin had always made sure that any books relating to Ichani magic were locked away, so Justen could not have read something that the Other had somehow seen; neither did he or Sonea discuss the Ichani where Justen could access their communication. He also doubted that the Other had read them directly from his or Sonea's mind as their defences were strong and both knew how to prevent access without consent. No. Whatever gave the Other those beliefs must have come from himself and from nowhere else. Just how that had happened was simply one more mystery that surrounded the Other. However, he was sure his feeling that Siryru was important was somehow bound up with the Other's Ichani beliefs. He laughed at himself for even considering a piece of carving in the likeness of another culture's protecting deity was important for two Kyralian magicians. Kyralians were rational people with no need for superstitions or deities and yet…..and yet, he couldn't shake off the feeling that the jewel was significant in some way. _Time will tell_ , he thought.

Nothing that Akkarin had ever read described an entity like the one inhabiting Justen's mind. He had found references to episodes of madness, when magicians believed they were someone else entirely, but nothing to suggest that two separate beings inhabited the same body. His discreet observations of his son had drawn his attention to occasions when the Other was physically present. There were changes in the boy's posture and facial expression and no matter how hard the Other tried to hide it, Akkarin could always tell the difference. He wasn't sure if Sonea had noticed the changes. She didn't appear to have done, as he felt that if she realised what was happening, she would have mentioned it. Sooner or later, he would have to tell her because the time lapses between the Other's appearances were getting shorter. It was his belief that the Other wanted eventually to push Justen aside and permanently inhabit the boy's physical body. That could never be allowed to happen. Once in sole possession of Justen's body, it would be much harder to control his access to magic. It was Akkarin's secret fear that he would not be able to control a fully functioning Other with a physical body and strong magic. This fear, too, he had kept from Sonea.

He continued to go over things in his mind, working his way through the problems again and again but unfortunately arriving at the same conclusion. There was no easy solution. After a while, he gradually became aware of his surroundings again, noticing that the air had become cooler. He opened his eyes to find the sun slowly sinking behind the peaks. It had been directly overhead when he had arrived at the summit so he must have drifted off into sleep while pondering his problems, otherwise he could not account for the time that had passed. He reached for the skin and took another long drink.

He opened his magic sense and felt, far away, the faint traces of magic being used. It came from the direction of his home so he made a mental note to remind Sonea to shield both herself and Justen better. He also picked up faint echoes of magic from the Sachakan side of the border. He did not believe the Ichani had given up their dream of invading the Allied Lands despite their recent failures, so it was his practice to sweep the mountains daily for evidence of magic being used, especially from the wastelands. He studied the echoes for a time, there was nothing to alert him to immediate action, so he closed himself off from them.

The air was decidedly cooler now, so he used magic to warm the space around him. He was not hungry, but forced himself to swallow a bite of cheese and a little fruit. Then he wrapped himself in his cloak and tried to sleep. But sleep was elusive, his mind refused to stop dwelling on the Other, instead it went over and over the same ground until he wanted to cry out in frustration. Eventually he used his own method of calming his thoughts, but instead of the familiar features of his beloved, it was Sonea's face which filled his mind. Sonea laughing, Sonea concentrating and, most of all, Sonea's eyes filled with love for him.

He awoke suddenly, as if he had been touched, but he was alone. The sky was just beginning to glow as it neared sunrise. The air was chilly and he shivered, pulling the cloak closer around him. It didn't take him long to heat the air and drive out the cold which had seeped into his bones overnight. He stretched, allowing a trickle of Healing to loosen muscles and relax tendons. He rose to his feet in that smooth movement all Warriors used, going on to perform several physical exercises he remembered from his noviciate to iron out the kinks in his body from sleeping on the hard ground.

He sat and watched the sun come up as he ate his breakfast. He deliberately kept his mind clear of anything other than appreciation of his physical surroundings. He drank more of the watered wine, wishing he had brought water instead. He smiled as he remembered the disapproval in Takan's gaze as he watched Akkarin assemble the pack. Takan took his role as friend and servant very seriously and was not above giving Akkarin a lecture over his drinking habits.

Rather than going over the various problems he was facing, Akkarin decided to go and check on the horse. The climb down to where the animal had been left was as difficult as the climb up, so ensuring his feet stayed under his body and his body remained upright, kept him from dwelling on insoluble problems. The horse whickered as he approached its grazing ground. He greeted it by running his hands over its flanks, then rubbing its nose. Akkarin was pleased to see that there was still plenty of grass, so the horse could be left for at least another day. He retrieved the saddle bags from under the shrubbery and extracted a further supply of food which he stuffed in his pouch. He found an apple which he fed to the horse which seemed grateful.

He returned to the summit and settled down against the rock. The rest of the day passed in a similar fashion to the previous day. By the end of it, Akkarin was no nearer finding a course of action to deal with the Other as he had been at the start. He ate his supper as the Eye rose in the sky, appreciating the stark beauty of the Steelbelt Ranges as the peaks turned silver under its gaze. He would return home tomorrow; the period of quiet reflection had not been as productive as he had hoped. Still, there was another course of action he could take, as long as Sonea agreed, which he hoped would provide at least some answers to their pressing questions.


	19. Sonea's Musings

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Sonea's Musings**

Sonea looked down at the small pieces of vegetables. It was important that each piece was a similar size, otherwise Takan was not going to be pleased with her efforts and judging by her results, he would be hard pressed to say they were acceptable. She had been peeling and cutting for what seemed like hours, but in reality was less than one. She had learned a lot about cooking from Takan over the years, but she could never hope to reach his high standard. She had tried in the beginning. Oh, how she had tried. Dish after dish she had produced, taking care to follow exactly the steps laid down by Takan, yet failing to make anything other than fairly reasonable meals. There was something missing each time which was always there when Takan cooked. After a while, she began to settle for 'reasonable' rather than excellent. Akkarin and Justen ate what she cooked without question and only Takan occasionally raised an eyebrow or stifled a grimace as he sampled her fare.

But this was different. Takan still relished the food of his native land and had introduced his Kyralian family to various dishes over the years. One of his favourites was pickled vegetables and it was his firm belief that the size and shape of the vegetables contributed much to the taste and enjoyment of the finished dish. The vegetables had to be perfect. She looked at what she had done so far and feared most of it would not come up to Takan's expectations. She looked around. He had gone into the garden to pick some herbs. Justen was out grooming his horse, Akkarin was away, so she was alone. It wouldn't take long. A moment of magic and all the vegetables were the same dimensions.

Sonea didn't approve of using magic to carry out ordinary tasks and she had been very good a resisting its use, but there were occasions, she told herself firmly, when it was simply foolish not to make use of her skills. She couldn't have done it in front of Takan, though, he feared magic and disliked being nearby when it was used, so it was lucky that he had gone outside. He also felt that magic had no place at all in the preparation and cooking of food as good food should be entirely the result of human labour. He would have been disappointed in her and she was fond enough of him not to want to be the cause of his disappointment.

Takan murmured his approval when he came to inspect her work. Sonea accepted the compliment, and tried not to look guilty. As she continued to help Takan with the next stage of the process, chopping various herbs for flavouring the vinegary liquid which was bubbling away on the fire, she thought about her magic and what it had meant for her life. It had frightened her in the beginning, especially as she had grown up hating magicians. Once in the Guild, she had followed a lonely path until the secrets of her youth came back to haunt her and she became Akkarin's hostage. From that point, everything in her life had changed totally. Now, she was the second most powerful black magician in all the Allied Lands. She had fought many battles, killing Ichani by the score and had gloried in it. She was a true Warrior at heart and Akkarin had been right to insist on her lessons with Yikmo despite her passionate arguments; yet now her magic was reduced to trying to make life easier for her son. It meant hours of reading through difficult and often boring texts, trying to find answers to impossible questions. There was no excitement, no joy of learning a new skill, just dull routine research.

She sighed and Takan turned to look at her. She glanced over at him and gave a brief smile. He bent over his chopping again. After a moment, he spoke, "I am pleased to see you no longer wear the blue jewel."

Sonea stilled, there was something in his words which caused an uneasy feeling in her gut.

"Why are you pleased" she asked, "is it not beautiful?"

"It is a thing of Sachaka and not something to be worn as decoration." He paused as if weighing up what to say next. Eventually, he said, "It is a thing of power."

 _That explains the crystals_ , she thought. She needed to explore exactly what he meant, but she knew from long association, that Takan rarely talked about his homeland or its customs, unless it involved food. She looked up at him innocently, "I just thought it was a pleasing gift that Akkarin had found for me. Tell me about it"

Takan shook his head, "I do not like to speak of it. I am just glad Akkarin told you."

"So, you discussed it with Akkarin?"

He nodded, "It was necessary. I am glad he told you what to do."

"Told me what to do?"

"You mean he didn't tell you to get rid of it?"

She shook her head, "No, the chain broke, that's all." Sonea told herself that she wasn't really lying, just leaving out the part where she had put the image on another, longer chain which she was wearing.

Takan said nothing, but his loud chopping of a bunch of unfortunate herbs told its own story. Sonea carried on with her task, but her mind was working furiously. Akkarin was keeping something from her about the jewel. He seemed keen for her to wear it and told her not to take it off not once, but several times. He knew the image was Sachakan because Takan had told him. Sonea suddenly grew cold. _Did that mean he'd guessed her secret about Justen?_

She carried on chopping mechanically while her mind worried away at the idea Akkarin knew about the damage she had allowed to happen to her unborn child during the battle with Mikido. He had never mentioned it, but that proved nothing. Akkarin could keep his own counsel and no one else would ever be the wiser. If he had discovered her secret, she would not learn of it until it suited his purpose.

 _But did he really know_? She didn't think so, but she might just be fooling herself. She tried to recall the many discussions they had had about Justen since their discovery of his hearing and speaking difficulties. In none of them, if she was remembering correctly, had the notion that the strikes aimed at her had somehow affected their son, ever been raised. But, how could she explain Akkarin's interest in a Sachakan object of power? She had to find out more about the image from Takan. If she could discover its significance, that would perhaps tell her something about Akkarin's way of thinking. However, Takan resisted all her attempts to turn their conversation towards his early life and his family. Eventually Sonea gave up and spoke instead about the recipe and the reasons for particular herbs in the mixture. As always, Takan was comfortable explaining his art to her, and time passed agreeably.

Justen came into the kitchen several times to beg a biscuit or piece of fruit, but didn't stay long, in case he was given a task to do. Sonea was pleased to see him acting like a normal young boy, and was happy to let him go. She and Takan continued their work until the bundles of herbs had been reduced to finely chopped and shredded piles which he added to the pot. Finally, Takan pronounced himself satisfied with the vegetables, herbs and bubbling liquid. He placed a tight-fitting lid on the pot and moved it to a cooler part of the fire. There it would stay for several hours.

After so long in the stuffy kitchen, Sonea was in need of some fresh air. There was a chilly breeze blowing around the valley, so she grabbed a warm jacket before going out to sit in her little garden. She went back over the day's conversations, trying to ensure she didn't forget Takan's exact words. Her next problem was how to raise her questions with Akkarin.

She and Akkarin had been lovers for years and even before that, they had lived together in the Residence for several years. Even so, as intimate as their lives had been, Sonea could not truly say that she fully understood him. There were many parts of his life that she only had the barest idea about, and even then, her information had been pieced together over the years from the snippets of information Akkarin had let fall from time to time. She loved him with every fibre of her being but she didn't know him. One thing she had thought she knew about him, though, was his attitude to what he called superstitions – the idea that there were powerful, invisible beings who manipulated or interfered in the lives of ordinary people. Like most Kyralians, Akkarin didn't hold with praying for help to god-like figures or believing that there were supernatural beings who protected people. So how could she reconcile this with his insistence that she wear a Sachakan 'object of power'? She sighed. She would have to try to find out, without provoking his usual response of dismissing her questions without giving any satisfactory answers.

He had been gone for three days and she hoped he would return soon. She missed his presence. Even when he was uncommunicative, shut away in their library, engrossed in his books, the fact that he was there, within reach, reassured her. Frequently, this dependence on him annoyed her. She had never thought of herself as a helpless woman. No, she saw herself as self-reliant, capable of making her own decisions and answerable to no-one. She didn't like to admit it, but deep down, she knew that was not entirely true. It was not just the loss of their deeply passionate physical relationship she missed. She felt incomplete, as if half of her was missing when he was not there. She didn't know if he felt the same, but she hoped.

He had given no indication of how long he would be gone. His days with the smugglers could be few or many, depending on the number of goods and transactions involved. He was a successful smuggler, just as he had been a successful High Lord. _Until he was failed and betrayed_. They had plenty of coin, even without the King's latest gifts, to live well. Even their once sparse library was now stacked with books and parchments, providing opportunities for years of study. Without Akkarin, however, she found the room an uninviting space, and unless given a specific task to work on, she took every opportunity during his absences to do something else!

It was strange. When they had last been in Imardin, back with the Guild again, making sure the Ichani were stopped from conquering it, she had longed for the peace of their mountain-top home. Now they were here, she missed the excitement of developing strategies to defeat their enemies, the cut and thrust of battle and even the pleasure of annoying her fellow magicians.

 _Stop complaining_ , she told herself. _You have a home, a lover, a son and a task to complete_. _Life is good_.

She heard the sound of a distant horse and looked up. Usually, Akkarin alerted her to his impending arrival, but this time he had not. She watched him canter up to the house and wondered what sort of a mood he would be in. When he left, he had seemed concerned about something, so she hoped that whatever it was, he had dealt with it.

He slid gracefully from the horse and led it into the barn. She heard his mental conversation with Justen who was fussing with his own horse again. It wasn't long before he was striding towards her. Her heart leapt at the smile on his face as he pulled her into his embrace.

 _It's good to be home_ , he sent.


	20. Failure

-Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Failure**

She was pleased to see him, he could tell. The light in her eyes and the warm curve of her lips told their own story. As her arms went round him, he felt a twinge of guilt. He didn't deserve her devotion yet he held her tightly and bent to kiss her, savouring the sweet taste of her mouth. _You did warn her_ , his mind reminded him. _You told her all the reasons why you were not right for her._ _You tried to prevent her falling in love with you._ He had salved his conscience many times in the past like this, but it was beginning to wear thin. _What you are doing is taking advantage of her love for you_ , his mind told him sharply. He shut down this line of thought immediately. It was not something he wanted to hear.

He was only half-listening to her chatter telling him how she had spent her time while he was away, something about preparing food with Takan. His mind was still thinking over his latest plan and how he was going to persuade Sonea to let him carry it out. He became conscious that she had stopped and was looking up at him, waiting for his response. Not knowing what she had said, he covered his lack of attention by kissing her deeply, then taking her hand, began to walk back to the house.

Inside, Sonea busied herself fetching glasses and wine, while Taken appeared with a tray of savoury tarts, still warm from the oven, suggesting as it was at least an hour or two before supper would be ready, a few tarts would help to fill the gap until their meal. Akkarin accepted them all gratefully, it _was_ good to be home. They settled down, while he gave them an account of his fictitious meeting with his smugglers. They had no reason to suspect, so there were no awkward questions. Again his conscience pricked him. Telling half-truths and down-right lies might be part of normal diplomatic discussions, but should he be doing such things with his own people? He pushed aside his doubts, reminding himself of the many good reasons for his subterfuge.

He took the opportunity to examine Sonea closely, trying to identify her mood. She seemed at ease, pleased he was home again, so he was hopeful that he could persuade her. Although there had been many changes in her since she first began to live in the Residence, he could see that the stubborn novice who had fought him so long and so hard was still there just below the surface. He smiled inwardly, remembering her defiance and constant attempts to break free of him, as well as the failure of his own efforts to get her to look more favourably upon him. Although at the time, he had found it very difficult, he could look back now and appreciate the pleasure he got from their duals. She had been good for him, he could see that now. She had provided welcome relief from his constant struggle to defeat the Ichani. And, of course, once she joined him in the fight, she became the perfect partner, complementing his own strengths with those of her own. He had been conscious of his growing attraction to her, but he had been careful to hide it so that she had been oblivious to his desires. Then, later, she had changed everything by falling in love with him.

After their meal, Takan took himself off to the kitchen as usual, leaving them sitting by the fire, sipping their wine and engaging in light conversation. After a while, they both ran out of things to say and silence reigned. Then, both spoke at once.

"There's something I wanted to ask….." began Sonea.

"I have an idea what to do….." Akkarin said.

They both stopped and there was an awkward silence as each waited for the other to carry on. As usually happens in these sorts of situations, they both began to speak at the same time again. This time, Sonea laughed, "I give up, you go ahead, Akkarin, I'll wait."

He smiled his thanks, and began again, "I think finding out what your dream means is very, very important. I have no idea how the ancient magicians went about dream walking, but I have an idea which might work, but it all depends on you and how you feel about it."

"What do you mean?"

"The ancient magicians practised higher magic, so our skills as black magicians should mean we can do similar things even if we don't know exactly how they did them. They could dream walk, and we have excellent mind-reading skills. I have thought very carefully about these two things and I believe that our mind-reading skill is particularly relevant. Perhaps there is little difference between walking in someone's dreams and walking in their minds. If I can sit in your mind while you sleep, it is very likely that I will see and hear your dream."

Akkarin watched Sonea closely. He could see that she was disturbed by the thought of him occupying her mind for many hours, and hastened to reassure her. "I have no intention of prying into your thoughts, you can arrange your defences anyway you like to keep me out. All I need is a space to occupy."

"Have you done this sort of thing before?"

"No, there has been no need and if it wasn't for our situation here, I would not choose to do it now. The link between the sounds you hear and the jewel and the talisman makes me think that your magic is trying to tell you something. The fact that the dream reoccurs is significant. If it were simply just another dream, it would not happen again and again. There is a message there. You can't remember the detail of it, but I should be able to."

She stared at him, her face paler than usual. He could see from the fleeting expressions which crossed her face that she didn't want to do it, but was unsure how to say so.

"What if something goes wrong," she said, unable to hide the thread of fear in her voice.

"Look, Sonea, I know it sounds strange, but you have found it almost impossible to remember much and as the dreams are continuing, I think it a reasonable risk to take in order to discover what they are trying to tell you. That's all I want to know. Whatever else is there – your memories, your personal thoughts, anything like that, I will not pry into. You do trust me to keep my word, don't you?"

He could see her growing tension in the way her breathing changed. He was faintly surprised at his disappointment when she didn't immediately reply, but he said nothing, waiting for her to think it through.

"It's not that I don't trust you," she said eventually. "It's more that you might discover things about me you won't like. You remember when you refused to give me a blood gem because you said it would reveal our innermost thoughts to each other and that our relationship could be destroyed as a result. Well, that's what I feel about you spending hours in my mind, while I sleep. I'm sorry."

He remembered their arguments over the blood gem clearly and she was right. He had stressed the consequences of having full access to each other's innermost thoughts and feelings. But this was different and he had to try to make her see that.

"You can't compare a blood gem link with a single night's sitting in your mind," he said, his voice sharper than he liked. He moderated his tone and continued. "Once I have discovered what your dream is all about, that will be the end of it. A blood gem link is permanent, until the gem is destroyed. There's no comparison."

Her face was paler than ever and she avoided his gaze, "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I cannot allow it. Isn't there another way?"

He was careful to not allow his frustration to show. He did understand her position, but she seemed almost deliberately to not understand his reasons. It was all about trust, really and it was obvious she was wary of him. He began again, patiently setting out his arguments, repeating his assurances about respecting her privacy and stating the importance of understanding her dream. But after half an hour of fruitless discussion, he had to admit defeat. Sonea would not give her consent and that was that.

He tried not to let his annoyance colour his actions, but instead resorted to keeping their wine glasses full and engaging Sonea in non-controversial conversations, watching her gradually relax and begin to respond in kind. After a while, he asked her what she had wanted to say earlier, when they had both talked at the same time.

She shrugged, "It was just something Takan said earlier. He said he had told you to get rid of the blue jewel. I wondered why he would say that, and why you didn't tell me."

He didn't answer straight away, not because he was trying to find words to explain his actions, but because he had no real answer. He just knew it was important for Sonea to wear it, but had no rational argument to support his case.

He smiled at her, "You know I don't pay any attention to Takan's primitive beliefs. It's a pretty jewel and a gift. Is it so strange that I would want you to wear it?"

She stared at him, "But you told me not to take it off. It's more than just a jewel, isn't it?"

"Well, now that the crystals from the Corres stone seem to have become attached to it, your magic is acting on it in some way, therefore it is important for you to wear it all the time."

"My magic? According to Takan, the jewel has some sort of power itself. Perhaps it is not my magic which is working here, but something in the jewel. What is the image – and don't tell me it is just a carving. The way Takan spoke, it is something specific."

Akkarin mentally cursed Takan and his runaway mouth. He would have words with his servant later, but now Sonea was looking at him impatiently and he would have to tell her something.

'It is an image of Siryru who is some sort of being the Sachakans revere. It's all superstitious nonsense, but Takan was brought up to regard the image as something important and powerful. That's all. Nothing for you to worry about. I didn't buy it for that reason, just that it was a pretty thing I thought you would like."

"Hmmm."

Sonea didn't look particularly convinced, but it was getting late, she was tired and she decided not to pursue the matter. However, Akkarin knew she would come back to the topic sooner or later. It would give him some time to provide her with a convincing explanation, for which he was grateful. In reality, he had no rational explanation, just a strong conviction that the image was important for Sonea, a conviction which had been reinforced by the crystals which had attached themselves to Siryru.

Later, watching Sonea caught once again in the middle of the dream, he briefly considered entering her sleeping mind regardless of her feelings. But it was only briefly. He could not violate her mind given that she felt so strongly he should not. She was not a magician who had committed a crime and therefore was not required to give consent to a mind reading, she was his Companion, the woman who loved him deeply and the mother of his son. Besides he knew that it would spell the beginning of the end of their relationship if he followed that course of action and he was not prepared to lose Sonea. He would just have to come up with another plan.


	21. Dilemmas

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Dilemmas**

Justen was aware that his parents were arguing, despite the fact that he could not hear what they were saying, as the expressions on their faces gave the game away. He hunched further down in his hiding place, not wishing them to catch a glimpse of him. If he watched closely, he could just make out some of the words they were saying but they didn't make a lot of sense.

 _You could use magic to hear_. The thought popped into his head, like so many thoughts recently. He stopped watching Verrin and Syma, to concentrate on that particular thought. He knew a lot about magic, and he was learning more each day, but he didn't know how to make himself hear.

 _Why don't you do this?_ A sequence unrolled in his head, with a series of steps he could follow. He focussed inwardly and looked at each step in turn. The first two or three stages were simple enough, but he could not understand what he should do next. He tried several times, but nothing happened. He got to stage three easily, but nothing after that worked at all. He tried different ways of following the instructions, but eventually had to admit defeat. By the time he gave up, his parents had gone somewhere else. He wriggled out of his hiding place and sneaked back into his room.

He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He thought about all the odd things that had been happening to him in the last year or so. He was sure that someone with strong magic borrowed his body sometimes. That was why he had those gaps in his memory. He still had no idea who that someone might be or what he or she wanted. Then there were the occasions when he found himself staring at page after page in a book, unable to lift his eyes or put the book down. At first, he had thought he was meant to find something in the book, but after it had happened several times with a random selection of books, he dismissed that thought. He couldn't think of any reason for such a thing, no matter how hard he tried. More recently, he had noticed that his parents sometimes looked at him strangely, as if they were afraid of what he might do. That was really odd because both Verrin and Syma had strong magic, much more powerful than anything he could do, so why would they be afraid of him?

He thought about that for a while and came to the conclusion that perhaps his parents had met whoever borrowed his body and that person had done something which frightened them. There was no indication of what that might have been, and his parents never gave any hint that they had seen this other person, but Justen did understand that it was impossible for him to say anything about the things which had happed to him. He had tried to tell Syma, but although the words he wanted to say were in his mind, he could not send them not matter how much he tried. The same with Verrin. Whoever controlled his body, also controlled his mind. That was the most frightening thing of all. Somehow, Justen knew he had to fight to be free.

000ooo000

It was much more familiar now. The fear, the strange sounds, the compulsion not to look. Sonea made every effort to discover what exactly was happening in her dream. She had to remember. As the dream played out to its usual conclusion, she was aware that once again she had failed to make much sense of it. Already, despite the fact that she kept her eyes closed and concentrated with all her strength, the fleeting images were fading and, just like all the other times, she was left only with vague impressions of what had happened.

She was drifting towards wakefulness now, conscious of Akkarin's body lying draped around hers, his arms cradling her, his hands drifting across her body. He was awake too, but she gave no sign of her own alertness. She needed time to think

She saw clearly that Akkarin was very angry with her over her refusal to cooperate with his plan, despite his best efforts to conceal it. She had listened to his arguments and part of her wished desperately to comply. Indeed, she had opened her mouth to agree to his proposal, but the words which actually came out were ones of refusal. The part of her that wanted to give in felt that she could finally let go of all her secrets. Akkarin in her mind would see her guilt over Justen and that would be the end of it. No more lies or evasions, no more worry about him finding out, peace of mind at last. But she couldn't do it and the reason was perfectly clear. Akkarin would despise her for allowing their son to be damaged. He would turn away from her and that was what she couldn't live with. No, if she were to live without him, it would be on her terms, not his.

She felt Akkarin slowly disengage himself from her, but she continued to pretend she was still asleep. He slipped from their bed and she heard him dress quietly and leave the room. She rolled over to where he had been lying and spread herself along the warmth. She breathed in to remind herself of his clean, masculine scent. _How had it come to this?_ But she didn't need to ask the question, she knew. It came from her deception and the longer the deception went on, the harder it became to confess. Deep down she was increasingly aware that the day was coming when she would have to reveal everything and take the consequences.

As slow tears slipped down her face, she remembered those giddy days, while they were still exiles, when her feelings for Akkarin were revealed to her, the excitement she had felt, the plans she had made and the joy when finally he became her lover. Later, after terrible struggles in Imardin, after thwarting the Guild's plan to make them both prisoners, after finding him again after he tried to set her free, came the elation of knowing they would be together forever.

But it all went wrong because of her. The problem they both faced today with Justen was all her fault, she knew it as surely as if the Eye of Heaven had told her personally. What she didn't know was how to put it right.

OOOoooOOO

Akkarin slowly built up the fire in the library. He avoided using magic, time was not important and the simple task of laying and starting the fire took his mind off his problems. Once it was blazing as he wished, he pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. There were piles of books lying haphazardly all over the surface, he pulled the nearest towards him and began to read. While his mind was occupied with the material, he didn't have to think about Sonea. He had been aware she was awake, but as she made no movement even when he brushed his hands against her, and kept her breathing regular, he knew she wanted to be left alone. So he left her to her thoughts, but he really wasn't in the mood for study. He forced himself to concentrate as he read page after page. But like so many books before, he found no answers in the material described.

After an hour's fruitless reading, he pushed the books aside and stood up. It was still early, the sun barely showing above the peaks, but he felt like some wine. He opened the cupboard and pulled out a bottle and a glass. He poured the dark red liquid into the glass and took a long swallow. He could feel its warmth spreading within him, lightning his mood. He emptied the glass in another long swallow and refilled it. He stared at the now half empty bottle for a moment, before putting it back and slamming the door on it. _Takan would not approve!_ He pulled his chair over to the fire, sat down and stared into the flames, periodically sipping his wine.

For the first time he freely admitted to himself that there was no answer to the problem of the Other to be found in books. He might be lucky enough to come across a reference to something like dream walking, but there would be no procedures for separating another entity from his son's mind. He was not used to feelings of failure. Even living in wretched conditions as an Ichani slave had not entirely dimmed his confidence that he would escape and go on to do great things. But now, faced with the reality of Justen, he could not see how the problem could be resolved.

 _You will have to tell Sonea_. He brushed that thought aside immediately, but his mind refused to be silenced. _You will have to tell her and deal with the consequences._

"All right! I know!" He spoke aloud and winced as his voice seemed to echo round the room.

He put his empty glass down. He could hear Takan moving about in the kitchen. It wouldn't be long before Justen was awake. He glanced again at the piles of books, he had hardly scratched the surface of the material he had already collected. He sighed and settled again at the table, reaching for the nearest pile.

He ruthlessly shut out everything around him except the work in front of him. He forced himself to carefully read each and every page, before putting the book aside to select a new one. He lost awareness of how much time had passed, only the growing pile of rejects giving any indication.

He was conscious of a pair of slim arms sliding around him from behind, then Sonea's voice whispering, "I'm sorry, Akkarin."

He twisted his head to look at her. She had pulled a cloak around her sleeping garments, and her hair was loose around her head like a curly halo untouched by brush or comb. She was smiling but her mouth trembled as if expecting an angry response from him. He felt miserable seeing her so upset. He reached for her, pulling her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her, holding her close to him.

"It's all right, Sonea," he said. "I understand."

"You do?" She sounded surprised.

"Yes," he replied. "It was a big thing I asked of you. It was not an easy decision to make."

She was quiet for a moment, then glanced up at him, "I have been thinking about my dream and how we could perhaps find out more about it. We have discovered that Justen can dream walk. Perhaps he has seen my dream. If we ask him, he may be able to tell us something I can't quite remember."

A broad smile crossed Akkarin's features as he bent to swiftly kiss her cheek. "That's a good idea, Sonea."

"We could enter Justen's mind and….."

"No," he interrupted, "you must not venture into his mind again. I've a better idea. We will ask Justen about dreams and if he has seen any lately and gradually bring the conversation around to what we want to know. It shall be our morning's lesson, dreams and what they can tell us."

There was a noise from the other room of plates rattling as Takan set out breakfast. Sonea stood up quickly, "I need to get washed and dressed."

She ran lightly from the room. Akkarin felt as if a heavy weight had lifted from his spirits. After time wasted looking through books and papers, they had a new plan. He wasn't sure if it would work or if Justen would understand what they wanted, but it was worth trying. And, of course, it delayed the inevitable final plan.

"Well done, Sonea," he murmured out loud. "What would I do without you?"


	22. Secrets

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Secrets**

Sonea was first down to the library and by custom, she was responsible for getting the room ready for Justen's lesson about dreams. If all went well they would arrive at an answer to the question which had been puzzling them for a long time. What did her dream mean?

She frowned as she regarded the scattered piles of books that Akkarin had been working on. He had put nothing away, but simply left them where they lay, so she started to clear the table. Some of the books were old and in archaic languages she couldn't understand. Some were fragile parchments written in old Kyralian, which she could just about read, given a strong globelight and with Akkarin there to help her out. She flicked through a few of them. They were filled with dense text and strange illustrations she couldn't even begin to understand. The vast range of material emphasised just how brilliant a magician her Companion was and the depth of his learning. Yet, he had responded to her idea as if the thought of asking Justen had never occurred to him. She had fully expected him to dismiss it and give a goodly number of reasons why it wouldn't work, yet he had acted as if it was a completely new plan which he had not even considered. That was untypical behaviour for the man who always had a plan and several other plans if that one or the next one didn't work.

She remembered just how weary he had looked this morning at breakfast. There were dark circles around his eyes and his whole body resembled someone who was completely exhausted. She had not seen him like that since their days avoiding the Ichani in the wastelands. She wondered if he had had any sleep at all. Conversation had been sparse and she noticed that he hardly touched the warm rolls let alone the hot meat Takan had provided.

She got Justen's box down from the shelf and checked his lock. The weaves were simple, but well-constructed, it would only have taken her a couple of seconds to undo it, but his work showed progress. The immaturity of the lock showed it was all his own work with no help from the Other. She set the box down at his place next to a small pile of paper and a tray of pens. _How much of his ability is down to the Other?_ There was no way of knowing, of course. It was almost as if there were only some sorts of magic that the Other could work; it was unfortunate that the sorts he could use were the most difficult to control.

She set out her own place, next to Justen's with Akkarin's place opposite them. They still followed the plan of having Akkarin take the hard line, while she was more sympathetic to Justen's moods. Although she had her doubts – what would happen if Justen ceased to have any regard for Akkarin at all – she had no real alternative to offer.

At that moment, Akkarin came into the library. She watched him move over to his chair and was concerned to see that he still looked weary. She asked if he wanted anything, but he ignored her question as he busied himself shuffling through some papers. She was about to say that perhaps they should postpone the lesson when Justen bounced into the room, eager for learning.

The first part of the lesson went well. Justen listened attentively as Akkarin talked to him about dreams and what might be learned from them. He made a few notes in his childish hand, careful not to blot the page. He was proud of his note-taking and made sure that Sonea could see how well he was keeping up. Akkarin was a good teacher, gently guiding the boy through the material, warmth and pride in his eyes when Justen answered correctly. Sonea had little to do and contented herself with watching the two active members of the study group.

It was while she was looking intently at Akkarin, that Sonea noticed a change come over his expression. She looked quickly at Justen and saw the happy little boy of a few minutes ago had gone and another being looked through his eyes.

 _Let us stop playing games, Akkarin, and discuss what you want to know_.

The mental voice was calm and cold, completely unlike Justen's boyish chatter. The Other had joined their lesson.

 _What is it I want to know_? Akkarin sent.

 _You want to know if I walk in your dreams._

 _Do you?_

His mental laughter was loud and long, then there was a theatrical pause before he answered.

 _I walk in yours, Akkarin._

 _I do not believe you._

Akkarin's expression was his cold and distant High Lord expression which brooked no contradiction. When she looked at her son, all Sonea could see on his face was glee. He was enjoying the encounter.

 _You have interesting dreams, Akkarin and I take much pleasure in them. Shall I show you?_

He didn't wait for an answer. As Sonea watched, a mist grew above the table, centred between Akkarin and Justen. At first it simply swirled without any purpose, but then it began to form a face. It was a girl's face, someone no older than sixteen or seventeen, with long brown hair which moved gently, as if in a breeze. As the details became clearer, Sonea could see her lips curved in a sweet smile, her sparkling eyes and a peppering of freckles across her nose.

 _Who…._ she started to send when she was interrupted by a hoarse cry of "No!" from Akkarin, whose normally pale face had drained completely of any colour.

Sonea stared at him, as he suddenly covered his eyes with shaking hands for a moment before lowering them again, as if he couldn't stop staring at the image forming before him.

The mental sphere was full of loud laughter as the Other continued to work on his illusion. By now the rest of her body was forming until she was a life-sized figure standing on the table, looking down at Akkarin. He, as if mesmerised, stared back. She stretched out her arm to touch him. At that, Akkarin sprang to his feet and backed away from the image, knocking over his chair in the process.

Sonea remembered the terrible nightmares that Akkarin used to suffer and knew without a doubt that this girl, whoever she was, had been part of them, part of his life as an Ichani slave. She turned to the Other. _Whatever you are doing, stop this instant!_ she sent sharply, but he just ignored her, concentrating all his attention on Akkarin.

 _She is in your dreams so much, I feel I know her_ , the mocking voice continued. _Pretty little thing, isn't she? But she didn't always look this way._

Before their horrified eyes, the illusion changed. Now she was naked, her eyes dull, mouth slack, bruises and blotches appearing on her skin, welts from a whip clearly visible on her back.

 _You remember this, don't you Akkarin? How many times did you see her like this?_

Sonea was desperate to make the Other stop but she felt powerless to do anything. Akkarin continued to stare at the image which began to change again. This time, the girl was lying flat, floating a little above the table. Her body was bloody and broken, small rivers of crimson dripping down to form pools beneath her.

Akkarin began to move. Sonea could see that the shock and grief on his face has been replaced with fury as he reached for his tormenter. Sonea rushed to get between him and the boy.

'It's Justen! It's Justen!" she cried. "Don't hurt our son!"

Akkarin blindly continued to move forward, his arms straining to grab Justen. He seemed to have forgotten his magic, simply trying to use physical force to stop the Other. Sonea did the only thing she could think of and sent a forcestrike against him, rocking him backwards for a moment, giving her just enough time to create a shield around herself and Justen. All the time, the mocking laughter continued to resound in her head.

The forcestrike did its work. Akkarin stopped moving towards them and she saw the rage die in his eyes as he came to his senses. He slumped into a nearby chair and dropped his head into his hands. The laughter stopped and when Sonea turned towards Justen she saw to her great relief that her son was back. She put her arms around the boy as he looked up at her bewildered.

 _What's happening, Syma?_

 _It's all right, Verrin is not well. Go and find Takan, and ask for a drink and some cake. The lesson is over for now._

She shepherded him towards the door, closed it behind him and locked it. Akkarin hadn't moved from where he had slumped in the chair. She went to him, knelt at his side and wrapped her arms around him. For a moment he didn't respond, then he raised his head to look at her.

"Thank you," was all he said, but she could see his overwhelming relief that she had prevented him from injuring Justen.

"It's all right. It was a shock to you, that's all, a terrible shock."

She got to her feet and searched in a cupboard until she found the wine bottle and some glasses. She poured the wine and, resuming her place by his side, handed him a brimming glass. She watched him take a mouthful, then another. The colour was starting to return to his face, but he was still shaken. She sipped her own wine slowly, never taking her gaze from his face. When she judged he had had enough, she gently took the glass from his hand and set it down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"No!" was his instant reaction, then his gaze softened as he looked at her. "Perhaps….it is not easy."

"The girl, she's the one you saw in your nightmares, isn't she?"

"Yes."

"But your nightmares stopped, they stopped a long time ago."

"The nightmares yes, but not the dreams, Sonea. I still dream about her, as the Other has clearly demonstrated."

He fell silent again, reluctance to speak evident in his expression, but Sonea knew she had to make him explain. Burying things again would only make things worse because the Other would simply provoke him again and again. She made an encouraging noise, but he did not respond. Something told her to let the silence do its work so she waited, and after a while he began speaking again.

"She was in the Ichani camp so I saw her every day…." his voice faded again.

"She was your lover?"

"No, it wasn't like that at all. I loved her and I believe she loved me, but we were never lovers. It was impossible." He paused, glanced quickly at Sonea, before looking away. "She was Dakova's bed slave. To touch her meant death, no matter who it was, unless they had his permission. I knew better than to ask."

He stopped speaking, his eyes looking back into a past she could not share, pain visible in the way he sat, pain etched deeply into his face. Sonea wanted to put her arms around him and hold him close, but her instincts told her not to touch him. She went to refill his glass instead and pressed it into his hand, encouraging him to take another drink. He drank in silence for a few minutes, then sighed. Sonea held her breath. Would he continue with his story or bottle it up again?

His voice was low at first so she had to strain to hear as Akkarin began to talk for the first time about his time as an Ichani slave and his desperate love for Dakova's pleasure slave. At times his voice faded into silence and Sonea feared he had come to the end, but he picked up the story again, forcing himself to continue. She learned about the brutal life he had led, the punishments and the total degradation of his being, from confident, powerful young magician to a thing to be used and cast aside until needed again. It was a terrible tale, told without embellishment or emotion, just Akkarin's quiet voice recounting his experiences.

Her heart broke for him, finally understanding what had driven him all the years she had known him, the burden of guilt he carried, not only for the death of his beloved, but for the knowledge he had given the Ichani about the Guild's weakness in turning from higher magic. All the deaths perpetrated by the Ichani since his capture he saw as a consequence of his pride and ambition.

The tale finally told, he retreated into silence, unshed tears in his eyes. She had never seen him so vulnerable or so alone. Her own eyes filled as his words echoed in her mind. After a few minutes, she reached out and took his hand in both of hers. She had no words, just the comfort of her hands to give him. He looked at her then, a long intent gaze as if he was trying to judge her reactions to what he had shared. She gave a brief tremulous smile, "I'm so sorry, Akkarin," she whispered.

He rose slowly from the chair, pulling her into his arms and buried his face in her hair. She felt his body begin to relax against hers and wrapped herself around him, her head on his chest, listening to the familiar sound of his heartbeat. There were so many things she could have said, but it was not the time for words. Instead, she held him close, her hands moving against his neck and back, letting her body tell him how she felt. He moved in her arms, tilting her chin so he could kiss her, his mouth covering hers, the taste of the wine on his lips and tongue a familiar sensation. His hands began to explore her clothing, undoing laces and buttons, exposing her flesh to his touch. She began the same actions, slowly pulling off his shirt, slipping her hands under his belt, letting garments fall, until they were both lying on the rug, flesh to flesh, joined as they were meant to be, lovers in every sense of the word.


	23. Understanding

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Understanding**

The sun was warm on his back and he relished the slight feeling of physical discomfort. He climbed steadily, seeking the quickest route to the top. He looked up, it was still a long way away, but that was what he needed.

He'd had to get out of the house, away from Sonea and Justen, away from everything. He needed time to reconcile himself with what had happened. The only way he could do that was alone. No one knew where he had gone. Sonea had been drowsy from their lovemaking when he left without a word. He regretted the uncertainty she would feel on waking, he feared she would feel abandoned, but he could not stay to face her. Takan and Justen had not seen him leave either. He had left no message, because he could not find the words. It was cowardly of him, and he was ashamed, but even that did not dampen his desire to get as far away as possible.

He had not taken his horse, walking quickly instead across the valley to the foot of the nearest mountain. He had levitated a good way up the side, before starting his climb. He had not tackled this particular peak before and the discipline of finding his way, and keeping his footing served well to keep his mind from dwelling on what had happened during Justen's lesson and its aftermath. He laughed quietly to himself. He did not miss the solitude of his study in the Residence, his previous favourite place of refuge. There was something about the tops of mountains that helped his thinking in the way that the enclosing walls of his study had not. Perhaps it was the clean air which cleared his brain and freed his mind, he didn't really know but he had found living in the Steelbelt Ranges had all sorts of advantages that he had not previously considered.

He shut his mind to everything except the climb. It took almost an hour, but he was rewarded by a magnificent view and complete silence when he emerged on to a rocky outcrop. He found a place to sit and propped himself against the rock face. Now he could think.

He blamed himself for what had happened. He had miscalculated in calling the Other's bluff about his dreams; he had taken a calculated risk but he never expected to see the illusion of his Beloved exposed for Sonea and Justen to see. He had thought the lock on his memories and the strength of his mental defences would resist any attempt to bring them into the open. He had been wrong.

What else had he been wrong about?

Sonea had been right in saying the girl had been part of his nightmares, although he had never told her in any detail what they had been about. It was true, too, that the nightmares had stopped once he had become Sonea's lover as if the act of love-making had somehow calmed his inner spirit. But he still dreamed of her, although the dreams nowadays were pleasant and comforting, not the horrors he had suffered before. He had always welcomed these dreams. One of his strategies for falling asleep had been the recreation of his Beloved's face in as much detail as he could remember. He had been frightened that his memory of her would fade as the years went by, so the nightly ritual had become important in ensuring it did not. Lately, however, he had found it more difficult to remember and instead, it had been Sonea's face that floated into his mind before sleep but that had not prevented the dreams from recurring night after night. And now, he had to face the fact that the Other had been not only walking through his dreams but also had been able to access his nightmares too.

The Other had been triumphant at seeing the distress Akkarin had suffered as the illusion took shape before him. If he had any doubts about the cruel nature of the entity that shared his son's body, those had been extinguished. Now he had to consider what the Other's purpose had been. Was it simply to demonstrate his superiority in a particular form of magic, or was there another purpose?

Akkarin wearily rubbed his face, the climb had tired him more than he had thought, following on as it did from a sleepless night, then the episode with the Other. He longed to relinquish his burden, but he could not. He was responsible for the Ichani incursions into Kyralia and ultimately for the other. There was no running away from that fact. He still believed that he was the only person in the whole of the Allied Lands who had the capability to deal with the entity, but it was a long and hard road, and he was uncertain of how it would end.

Now there was the added problem of Sonea. What had possessed him to tell her everything about his time as a slave, details that he had vowed to keep from her? Things he had never told anyone nor ever expected to do so. Not even Takan, although witness to many of the events, knew the depth of his inner feelings. Yet in a moment of madness, he had told all to Sonea.

Deep down, if he were truthful, he was afraid of her reaction. His pride had led him to create the image of a man, confident and assertive, someone who could deal with the most difficult problems and solve them. He was a Warrior who could defeat black magicians, if not with ease, then with strength, both physical and magical. He controlled events, rather than let events control him. Sonea had that image of him, he knew. But now, his Companion knew how he had been subdued and captured, made to serve his masters, unable in the end to save the one he loved. She would never regard him in the same light again. More than that, she would ask difficult questions which would lay bare all his failings as a man and as a magician. She would finally realise what he meant when he said he was a tainted man not deserving of love. She would turn away from him but not before he saw the rejection in her eyes.

As he pondered these dismal thoughts, he was surprised at how much the idea of Sonea knowing all the details of his life as a slave and the scope of his failures hurt. _She has been good for me,_ he thought. _I like to see the look of admiration in her eyes when she looks at me. I could not bear to lose her love._

OOOoooOOO

Sonea stirred slowly, reaching for Akkarin, but he was not there. She sat up, the library was empty and when she checked the door, it was still locked, although the weaves were his, not hers. She was not surprised at Akkarin's disappearance. He had done it so many times over the years that it did not annoy her quite as much as it had done in the beginning. He would be in the house somewhere, or outside, perhaps exercising his horse.

She unlocked the door and went in search of him. She found Takan and Justen in the kitchen, the boy tasting a range of newly baked tartlets Takan had just taken from the oven. Outside, there was no sign of Akkarin, nor was his horse missing from its stall. She stared round. _Where is he?_ He could not have gone far on foot, but then she remembered he had other ways of moving. She stared up at the peaks lining the sides of the valley. He was up there, somewhere, she just knew it.

She went back into the house and prepared some raka. When it was scalding hot, the way she liked it, she took a mug of it into her garden and sat on her little stone bench. Many of her questions regarding Akkarin, the slave, had been answered. He was a proud man so she knew what the admission had cost him and could see why he had disappeared rather than face her. But he would return at some point, and she needed to consider how to behave when he did. There were still things she didn't fully understand but she doubted that he would so willingly reveal his secrets again. The wrong thing to do would be to ask questions, much as she would like to. Round and round went her thoughts, with no answer about how to deal with him on his return.

In the event it didn't matter. As she looked up from the mug with its dregs of her now cold raka, she caught sight of movement out of the corner of her eye. It was Akkarin, striding along the valley floor. She stifled the urge to run to him, but sat waiting has he came up the path to where she was sitting.

His face was calm, but there was a wary look in his eyes which spoke to her of his uncertainty. She pushed away her thoughts of what to do, to smile warmly at him and was rewarded by the return of the crooked smile that made her melt. He came closer to her and took her hand.

"Sonea, if you love me, do not ask me any questions."

"You know I do," she said softly. "You can tell me when you are ready. I won't ask."

His relief was apparent to her as he bent to kiss her lightly on the lips.

"Thank you."

"Come and have some tea and food, you must be hungry."

They walked back inside. Leaving Akkarin in the library, Sonea went in search of food. Takan prepared the tea and set out rolls, butter and honey, with a few of the tartlets that had survived Justen's interest. Sonea carried them into the library and spread them out on the table. She wasn't particularly hungry herself, but crumbled a roll on her plate and managed to swallow a few mouthfuls. Akkarin picked at the food and it was only Sonea reminding him that Takan would not be pleased if as much food went back to the kitchen as left it, that made him eat half a roll and a savoury tartlet.

Sonea had made herself more raka, and was content to watch him eat while sipping her drink. There was little conversation, but she didn't mind. Akkarin seemed to be in a better frame of mind than she had feared.


	24. Towards the Truth

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Towards the Truth**

By unspoken consent, over the next couple of days, neither Sonea nor Akkarin referred to the incident with the Other. They continued their familiar routine of lesson time with Justen, meals with everyone and outdoor activities in the warmth of the afternoon. Everything seemed to be back to normal, but underneath the routine, Sonea sensed a growing tension. They would have to discuss matters soon, but she waited for Akkarin to take the lead. He seemed unwilling to even allude to what had happened and she was uncertain how to raise it, so they simply carried on.

Justen appeared unconcerned over recent events, just his usual eager self, wanting to rush through his lessons so that he could perform what he called real magic. He still hated any lessons to do with control and frequently refused to work at the calming exercises he was set. There was no doubt in their minds that the Other could influence the boy's moods and his constant desire to learn more and more flowed from the Other's need to learn quickly. So they maintained their steady routine, overlooking Justen's sulky participation in control exercises, giving him access to magic only as they had agreed, slowly and steadily.

A day or so later, as they lingered over their mid-day meal, Akkarin surprised Sonea by suggesting they go for a walk. She looked at him oddly, in all their years together, he had never suggested taking a walk before.

"Yes, if you wish," she replied. "Just the two of us?"

"Yes, just the two of us. Justen has his work to do and if he finishes before we return, he has his horse to see to."

Akkarin had it all worked out in advance. She had wondered why he had given Justen a lengthy writing task at the end of the morning's lesson, but now all was clear. She took her cloak in case the wind was chilly and followed Akkarin out on to the floor of the valley.

"Where are we going?" she asked after a few minutes. The track to the end of the valley was long and uneven, and she didn't feel like marching along it, only to turn round and march back again.

Akkarin smiled, "I know a place where we can talk undisturbed. There is a lot to discuss."

She found herself following in his footsteps, just as she had through most of her life since joining the Guild. She smiled inwardly, recalling their journey through the wastelands, her frustration trying to keep up and her determination not to be left behind. She had succeeded despite his efforts to release her from her promise but she had no regrets. There was no one else in the entire world she could imagine who could fill the place in her heart that Akkarin occupied. She wouldn't have had it any other way.

She was aware that he had stopped at the base of one of the high peaks and was holding out his arms to her. She stepped into his embrace as he created the disc beneath their feet. They slowly rose up and up, until she wondered if they would reach the heavens. He moved slightly to the right, following the side of the peak round a rocky outcrop. She saw a clearing beneath them, bathed in sunlight, yet sheltered from the breeze. Akkarin set them down and Sonea had a sudden urge to kick off her boots and socks to rub her bare feet on the grass. She quickly supressed the thought. _You are not a child!_

They sat down on the spare cloak Akkarin had concealed on his person, along with a wineskin and a pouch. He filled a small mug with wine which he passed to her. Taking his own mug, he took a swallow and let out a long sigh.

"Construct a sound barrier, Sonea, I want to make sure the Other cannot hear."

It had been a long time since she had completed such a task, but she was proud of her attempt, which only needed a slight tweak from Akkarin.

"What are your impressions of the Other?"

Akkarin's question floored her for a moment, "Impressions?"

"Yes, you have seen him as he wishes to be seen, you have seen his ability to create illusions and you have seen how he can influence Justen. What is your overall impression of him?"

She remembered the adolescent boy she had seen in Justen's mind. He had endeavoured to make his appearance the image of Akkarin's. At the time she had seen that as a complement, but after his recent actions, she no longer thought that way.

"He makes himself in your image," she said. "He sees you as powerful and wants to be like you."

Akkarin shook his head, "I am not so sure of that. The image he projects in Justen's mind looks like me, but he doesn't want to be me, he wants to be stronger, more powerful, more capable than me."

"Yes, you're right, I hadn't considered that. He wants to the most powerful magician in the Allied Lands. He told us so, remember?"

"It was something not easily forgotten. His constant desire to learn more about magic proves that he hasn't forgotten either. What else do you notice about him?"

She thought for a moment, "His magic is a real puzzle. He can do things we can't, like invading our dreams, or seeing things from a distance, but he cannot make what is seen as much easier magic or understand some of the simple things a novice learns in his first few weeks. It's almost as if he has an instinct for some forms of magic but whole areas are blank to him."

"Exactly, the really difficult, lost magic he seems to be able to do almost without thinking, the simple things we learn in our first year in the noviciate are beyond him."

Sonea found herself telling Akkarin about her experience with the illusion of the Other she had once created and how it seemed to acquire a life of its own so she had difficulty in dismissing it. Although it had started life as her illusion, she was convinced that somehow the Other had taken over control of it. It was the first Akkarin had heard of it and he questioned her closely, making her go over and over exactly what happened until he was sure in his own mind of the order of events.

"There is a particularly strong link between you and the Other's magic," he said eventually. "He was able to capture and control you very easily, once you were in his mind. It must be something to do with the fact that you are his mother, that he spent the first months of his existence closely entwined with you physically and magically."

"Yet I cannot do the things he does," Sonea pointed out, "and if what you say is a fact, he and I should share the same magic and that is definitely not true."

"Still, I would have expected him to have more instinctive understanding of our magic. He finds Healing very difficult, even though we have only been using the simplest aspects of it. I wonder why that is?"

Akkarin looked at her, expecting an answer, but warning bells were sounding in Sonea's mind. _Why did he ask that? What does he suspect?_

"I hadn't really noticed," she lied. "What does he find difficult?"

Akkarin started to explain, but she wasn't listening. All she could think about was the fact that the Ichani did not have any concept of Healing. It was simply not part of their magic. She didn't know why and neither did Akkarin. Again, the battle with Mikido in Imardin flashed into her mind. She felt anew the forcestrike which hit her and her unborn baby. _Does Justen have Ichani magic?_

Akkarin stopped talking and looked at her expecting a response. She made a non-committal sound, hoping he would take that for agreement and scrabbled frantically for a different topic to distract him from that particular train of thought.

"We've noticed that the Other seems to take control of Justen at times. Do you think Justen is aware of it? He never says anything about it."

"I wondered that. I am not entirely convinced that he doesn't remember. If these episodes of loss of control are happening to him more frequently, it would be almost impossible for him not to be aware that something strange is happening."

"I've tried to question him," Sonea said, "not directly, but simply through asking gently what he's been doing, or getting him to talk about his day for example, but he never says things like he was reading and the next thing he remembers he is eating. But this must be happening to him. Although he has never given even the slightest hint about losing control of himself, I have the strongest feeling that he is more aware of it than we think."

"Perhaps the time involved is relatively short and he is not certain of what is happening," Akkarin replied. "However, if we are right, and the Other is becoming more insistent in taking control of the boy, the periods will get longer and suddenly Justen will be losing half a day or perhaps a whole day."

"Why doesn't Justen tell us if he suspects?"

Akkarin poured the last of the wine into their mugs, "I suspect that the Other is capable of some form of compulsion and I would therefore expect him to use it to prevent Justen saying or doing anything to alert us."

Sonea nodded her agreement. It fitted what they knew of the Other – the desire for control, but also for secrecy. The Other would need a physical body if he was to carry out his plan for the Allied Lands. People would not follow a leader they couldn't see. His objective would be to completely take over Justen, body and spirit and her son would simply cease to exist.

"We must get him out!" Sonea burst out. "We have to save Justen."

"Of course we must," Akkarin said grimly, "but at the moment we have no clear idea how to do it."

They fell into silence for a time, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Then Akkarin asked Sonea to show him her chain with the two pendants. She took it off and handed it to him. He stared at it for a moment, then held it up so that it caught the sunlight. Sonea could see that the carving of Siryru gave off a blinding array of light, even more so than it had had before.

"What's happened to it?" she asked.

"More of the crystals have attached themselves to it," Akkarin replied.

He looked closely at the talisman he had made from the Corres Fort stone. It didn't seem to have lost its own crystals, yet there could be no doubt that Siryru was almost completely coated in them.

"It's strange," he said, "it isn't that the crystals have moved from one thing to the other, it seems new crystals are forming on Siryru."

"Why? What's causing it?" Sonea asked.

"I don't know. I have never even heard of such a thing, nor come across any reference to it. All I know is that when the fort was constructed, higher magic was used to protect the building and the physical form of that protection were the crystals embedded in the stone. Just why protective magic is now affecting the carving of Siryru I cannot begin to think. Except for one thing…"his voice trailed away as he looked across at her.

Sonea got the distinct impression that he was carefully considering his next few words and a familiar sinking feeling began in the pit of her stomach.

"It seems to me," Akkarin began, "that somewhere in all of this there is a strong link to the Ichani."

"Why do you think that," asked Sonea, keeping her voice steady with an effort.

"We know the Ichani practise a form of higher magic. It's not quite the same as the higher magic used in Kyralia in the past, we know that because there is the odd exception of Healing and there may be other differences we haven't discovered yet. Corres Fort was made with our higher magic. Siryru is a protective deity much followed by the Ichani. Why are the protective powers of the Corres stone transferring to the carving of an Ichani being? What is there affecting you that might involve a combination between Ichani black magic and Kyralian higher magic? There is only one answer – Justen and the Other."

 _And finally Akkarin has reasoned his way to my secret_. Sonea didn't know what to do. Akkarin was expecting some sort of comment from her _. Now you can confess your secret_ , her practical mind told her with a sense of relief. But she couldn't. She couldn't face his reaction when he found out she had deceived him for so many years. Her mind churning furiously for something to say, suddenly produced a way forward for her.

"That's fascinating, Akkarin," Sonea said, hoping her tone sounded suitably excited. "How does that help us solve the problem of the Other?"

Sonea implored the Eye to push Akkarin down the path of problem solving, rather than exploring the reasons for the connection he had identified. It seemed her invocations were answered when he continued, "I am not sure at the moment, but I suspect that your dream is linked to the pendants. You remember hearing the sound of the two knocking together and you did not have the dream before I gave you Siryru."

"Why did you decide on the carving as my gift?"

"That's strange too, I found myself unable to choose anything else from the bundle. There were other choices, some more attractive or better presented, but I couldn't see beyond buying it. Somehow I knew it was very important for you to have it."

"But Takan was horrified," Sonea pointed out. "He regards it as dangerous."

"He has his reasons, but despite them, I still feel you must have it and wear it and now that the Corres stone has had such an effect on it, you must keep the two things together."

Akkarin looked at her intently, as if waiting for her to say something else, but Sonea was anxious to keep him diverted from her links to Ichani magic and started a discussion about possible reasons for the Ichani not having the ability to Heal. For a moment, it looked as if he would not contribute, but then he sighed and began explaining what he thought about the matter.

As their discussion about Healing reached its natural conclusion, Sonea said that she felt they should get back to Justen. There was a slight pause before Akkarin offered his agreement. Sonea just knew that he had not forgotten his reasoning about a link between her, Justen, the Other and Ichani magic. Sooner or later, he would return to the topic and she had no idea what she would do or say when that happened. She could only trust in her ability to get out of tight corners. Deep down, though, she knew that she was only fooling herself. The truth would come out and that day was drawing closer.


	25. Resolution

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Resolution**

Akkarin had watched Sonea surreptitiously throughout their evening meal. On the surface, she was her usual self, making small talk with Takan, encouraging Justen to finish his meat and casting a frequent smile in his directions as she chattered about a whole range of things. But deep down, he could tell, she was filled with uncertainty. She had become quite skilled at hiding her thoughts from him, but when her emotions were in turmoil, some clues as to what she was thinking escaped despite her best efforts to conceal them, and he could read them clearly. This was such a time.

 _My conversation earlier today certainly touched a nerve_. It was obvious to him that Sonea also believed there was some sort of link between herself, Justen, the Other and Ichani magic. The way she had distracted him from following up on his theory proved that. But what was it? He had not been taken in at all by Sonea's skilful change of subject, but he had decided to let things run their natural course for the moment. It gave him more time to think.

He should have realised a long time ago, that there was something not quite right with Sonea's magic. For a start, there was the strange case of Kariko's injuries which wouldn't heal. Sonea had hit him hard during their personal struggle, but he should have recovered over time, despite not having a Healing skill, but the running sores all over his body were evidence that he had not, in fact they seemed to be getting worse. Neither could the young apprentice with him help even though there was evidence that he had tried many different things to try to alleviate the injuries. _Why?_

Sonea was unusually powerful, more so than all of her contemporaries at the Guild. He had simply accepted that fact and had assumed that there may be others with similar gifts among the general population, but who were never tested, not being from the Houses. _But what if Sonea was very different from a Kyralian magician?_ _What if she had other magic as well?_

That gave him much food for thought. He had made a particular study of foreign forms of magic whilst still a novice. He knew something about the witches of Elyne with their moon magic. He had also investigated the so-called hedge witches, mainly village women, who used herbs and plants to make spells and potions. However, he could find no traces of these types of magic skills in Sonea's abilities.

Of course, his major study had been the Ichani, the reason for his unfortunate visit to them after his graduation. He had not been aware of any Ichani influences in Sonea's practices, but he began to wonder if there was something about their magic which had escaped his notice. He could not ignore the many aspects of their current situation which pointed towards an Ichani connection, but how had that come about?

Not for the first time, he regretted not paying much attention to his Healing lessons. He had his eyes set on being a Warrior, so beyond absorbing the necessary skills to deal with wounds and injuries associated with his own future Discipline, he had not bothered. He had particularly ignored Healing to do with pregnancy and babies, they were nothing at all to do with his future life as he saw it. But now, he needed to know exactly what occurred in a magician who was pregnant. He wasn't even sure exactly how long a pregnancy took.

He cast his mind back to when he first knew about Sonea and the baby. They had been living in the mountains for some time, so it was possible she had allowed herself to start the process after they had arrived _._ _No!_ He remembered her saying that Lorlen had told her of it, and that must have been when they were in Imardin. _But how long had she been pregnant when Lorlen discovered it?_ The whole episode surrounding the baby, Lorlen's knowledge of it and Sonea's concealment of her pregnancy had been very painful for both of them, so it was never discussed. He could not think of a way of broaching the subject so many years later, without reopening new wounds. _No, I have to find another way_.

The meal over and cleared away, he sat by the fire, sipping wine and making small talk with Sonea, but only with half his mind engaged, the other half was concentrating on trying to make sense of Sonea's pregnancy and the changes it may have introduced but he made little progress, everything stalling against his own lack of knowledge of precisely what happened. He doubted, too, if any of the texts they had collected over the years included any details either. After all, pregnancy was women's work, and no male magician who was not a Healer was expected to have any involvement in or knowledge about the subject.

That thought led him on to the rather surprising idea that the Guild itself was instrumental in dividing the sexes when it came to magic. The majority of Healers were women, the overwhelming majority of Warriors, and to a slightly lesser extent, Alchemists, were also men. As High Lord, he had tried to encourage more women to become Warriors, but had been covertly opposed by the higher magicians in that Discipline, although Balkan had said he was in favour. There had never been a High Lady, nor a female Administrator in the entire history of the Guild. _Perhaps we are not so different to the Ichani after all, just better at hiding the fact that female magicians have a perceived role to fill and outside of that, it is very difficult for them to follow a different route._

His thoughts returned to Sonea. He had been delighted when she had embraced black magic, taking to it, if not with complete ease, at least without any real problems. It was almost as if her magic skills were already open to the processes of black magic. At this point, he paused. _Was that really so strange?_ After all, Kyralians had practised a form of black magic for very many years until the decision had been taken to rid the Guild of it. It must have been Sonea's strength as a magician which enabled her to grasp black magic skills so easily. _There could be no other reason, could there?_

He thought of his own eager adoption of black magic, but that had been different. He had taken the step because there was no other way out of his wretched situation. He had to defeat and kill the Ichani who held him captive and milked him of his magic, he could only do that if he, too, used the same powerful magic. Sonea, on the other hand, had been enthusiastic about learning everything quickly and there was no doubt that she was a quick learner. That brought him back to his earlier thought that perhaps there was a reason for that.

It seemed to him that a particular set of circumstances had come into existence at just the right time to create the Other - Sonea, the Ichani, black magic and pregnancy. _She was pregnant when she fought against Kariko!_ _Yes, that was the answer._ Akkarin smiled wryly to himself. All the trouble he had gone to, all the coin he had paid, all the books he had acquired over the years were absolutely no help to him at all. It seemed the answer to their problems with Justen lay within themselves, Sonea in particular.

He glanced over at her. She was staring into the fire, her chatter silent for the moment. Her profile was thrown into strong relief by the light from the flames. He knew every element of her face, her slightly slanting deep black eyes, her straight nose and softly curving mouth, her unruly curls, now tamed by the style she had copied from him, the whole blended into a face which fascinated him.

 _Such an expressive face_. Until she learned to prevent it, her face clearly showed her deepest feelings and even now, he could think of many expressions which crossed her features in a day; laughter, pride, worry, anger, concern, passion. All of these and more, but there was one expression which he had never seen on her face – resignation. If Sonea was in a difficult situation, she would work hard, try anything, to escape from it. So unlike his Beloved. Resignation was her constant expression. Even when he had pleaded with her to run away with him and escape the misery of her life, she refused, too afraid to take the chance, too resigned to her fate to fight it.

Her sweet face floated into his mind and he saw once again her gentle smile, the attractive powdering of freckles, the long brown hair, the slender body and, for the first time in his life, he felt like taking her by the shoulders and shaking her, grabbing her arm, pulling her away, anything to wipe out the resignation in her eyes, as she listened to his grand plans, slowly shaking her head as he spoke.

 _Sonea would never have done that!_

He tried to imagine what his life would have been like if he had succeeded in saving her. How would she have coped with life in the Guild? No magician, and empty of any trace of magic, she could not have helped him in the way Sonea had done. _Perhaps I would have failed and the Ichani would not have been stopped._ _Perhaps it was better that she did not live._

He stopped thinking, horrified at where his logic had taken him. He had never before, in all the years he had lived without her, considered that her death had solved many potential problems. With her at his side, his life would have been so different. _Different, but not necessarily better_. Chances were that he would never have taken Sonea as an ally in his fight with the Ichani. That may have meant he could not have single-handedly fought them and won.

 _But it would have changed more than that_. His logical mind refused to allow him to escape. He would never have developed feelings for Sonea. Never experienced the passion of their relationship over the years with its ebbs and flows bringing opportunities for renewal. Never known life with a Companion who shared so much and took pleasure in their life together.

It struck him then that he loved Sonea deeply; that his adolescent infatuation for his Beloved was simply that, a devotion that would have run its course in normal circumstances _._ _If she hadn't died, would my love for her died instead?_ His logic demanded he acknowledge the fact that inevitably, his feelings for her would have died, like those of so many young men before him. He would have outgrown her, once free of the slavery that had reduced him. She would never have adjusted to life as a High Lord's Consort, but Sonea would have done, easily. _How could I have been so blind?_ All the wasted years of refusing to see what was under his nose. Sonea was the one he loved, not the memory of a young girl, dead these many years. His Companion had been waiting for him to acknowledge his love and to tell her so, but in his pride and arrogance, he had failed to accept what was obvious.

As his thoughts reached this point, Akkarin was aware of a great sense of relief. He did not have to deny his feelings any longer. The image of his Beloved could be allowed to rest in peace, an important part of his life, but no longer the mainspring of it. His love would be for the living, not buried in the cairn he had piled over her body.

He turned to Sonea, ready to tell her, only to find she had slipped away, leaving him to his wine and his thoughts.


	26. No More Secrets

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **No More Secrets**

Sonea lay quietly on their bed, but sleep would not come despite her feelings of deep weariness. She had stayed downstairs, watching Akkarin brooding silently for some time before she realised he was engrossed in whatever it was and had forgotten she was even there. _Don't fool yourself - you know what he was thinking._ He knew. There was no doubt in her mind. He was probably thinking about the best way to tell her.

She shivered. The day which she had dreaded for years was coming. No matter how she had tried to prepare herself for it, she knew that the hardest thing to bear would be the contempt in his eyes. She had kept secrets from him over the years, as he had undoubtedly discovered time after time, but this one was the worst and he would never forgive her.

Round and round her thoughts ran, seeking, even at this late hour, some form of escape, but she could not discover one. She had decided, some time ago, that when this day finally came, she would leave with Justen. Just disappear and let Akkarin carry on with his life. But that was before she knew the extent of the Other's power and his declared intention to become the strongest, most powerful magician in all the Allied Lands. She was not strong enough to control the Other, she knew that. At times, even Akkarin doubted his own ability to overcome the strange alien magic the Other possessed. If she left with Justen and the Other took him over completely, she would be powerless to stop him. Her actions would then have unleashed a serious threat to the future of magic in the country. _Who knows what he could do when he came into his full power?_

That escape was denied her, she was trapped here in the Steelbelt Ranges, with only Akkarin to help control the Other, and now, it was likely that Akkarin would view her as the cause of the problem and not another strong magician who could help him deal with it.

Her mind would not stop its endless cycle. She tried everything to stop her thoughts beating against the rock of Akkarin's knowledge of her treachery, calming exercises from her early days of Warrior training, repeating the rhymes from her childhood, reciting spells and incantations, but nothing worked. On and on the hopeless thoughts ran in their familiar pathway….

She must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew was Akkarin had slipped into the bed and had taken her in his arms. Before she had time to speak, his mouth crushed hers as his arms tightened around her.

 _Sonea…_

For a moment she was totally shocked at the unexpectedness of it all. This was not what she had envisaged. She had prepared herself for something quite different, but here he was, his mental voice warm and full of promise, his body pressed close to hers, the taste of wine on his lips and tongue and his fingers tracing patterns on her skin. She had always known that Akkarin was an experienced and skilled lover, that he was able to arouse her desires and passions and whilst taking his own pleasure, making sure she too felt complete, but now she sensed something different about him. She was familiar with all his moods, passion, anger, fast and urgent, or slow and languorous, but not this. She didn't know what it was, but it was there, like a silken thread running through everything he did. She stopped thinking and gave herself up to the delights of lovemaking, existing only for the moment by allowing her passion full reign, taking and giving pleasure until nothing else mattered.

It seemed to her that the heights of passion reached this time was far greater than anything she had experienced before. _Is this his farewell?_ She crushed that thought as she pulled him even closer, burying her head in his chest, listening to the thudding of his heart. Whatever it was, it had him in its thrall too. His hands drifted down her back, leaving fluttering trails behind. She could hardly breathe for the ecstasy that filled her. _This couldn't be the end…_

In the aftermath, they both lay silent. Sonea was afraid to break the moment, putting off as long as possible the inevitable. She could gain no hint of what Akkarin was thinking, his defences were complete, but she wondered why he did not speak. _Perhaps he isn't quite sure of the words to use._ That was a foolish thought because he was used to difficult situations where his diplomatic skills reigned supreme and he was never lost for words. She closed her mind to everything except the now. She lay against him, her head filled with his clean masculine scent, her body mirroring his, skin to skin, flesh to flesh, imprinting it all in her memories so in years to come, she would be able to live in this moment.

As this melancholy thought sprang into her mind, she felt tears begin to fall down her cheeks. Akkarin must have noticed, because his arms tightened around her as his soft mental voice slipped into her head.

 _Why so sad, Sonea?_

 _Akkarin, I am so sorry._

His long fingers lifted her chin until she was looking into his eyes, "It is I who am so sorry, Sonea," he said quietly.

She stared at him, not understanding, and saw the familiar crooked smile flash across his face, as he sighed deeply.

"All these years, you have loved me, despite everything that I have done," he said, "and I have accepted it all without thinking enough about you. I carried another in my heart, knowing the unfairness of it, but unable to see beyond her, to you. Today, I realised something I should have understood years ago. I love you, Sonea, and only you. I have loved you from the beginning, but I have been too immersed in myself and my past to acknowledge it, even to myself."

Sonea could hardly believe what she was hearing. For years she had longed to hear him say that he loved her, yet now he had said it, she was not entirely sure that she believed him; she didn't know what to do. Her silence seemed to unnerve him, because he sighed again, and pulled himself away from her, staring at the wall as if he had never seen it before.

He began to speak, for the first time revealing the painful events which happened during his life as a slave. She heard about the love he felt for the little pleasure slave and his failure to protect and save her. She began to understand the depths of his despair over this failure and how it coloured his own life, particularly his relationship with her. As he spoke, her heart grew lighter, almost as if invisible weights had been lifted from it. _Akkarin loves me! Akkarin loves me!_ Her heart sang with joy.

She covered the small distance between them and pulled Akkarin into her arms. "It's all right," she said softly, "I understand, I understand it all."

She covered his mouth with hers and felt his hands begin their familiar drift across her flesh. Her desire flared once more and before long they were caught up in lovemaking. She knew now what had been different the last time and as she felt the difference again, she knew that it would be always like this from now on.

Afterwards, they lay wrapped around each other, replete with pleasure. As their breathing returned to normal, Sonea resisted the temptation to pinch herself, just to prove this was no dream. There could be no going back now. Akkarin had admitted his love, and the Eye knows how many times she had admitted hers. They would be together now for always.

Then she remembered Justen and the Other. She stiffened in his arms.

 _What is it?_

 _It's the Other, what are we going to do?_

Akkarin slid out of bed, reaching for his sleeping garments, "I'll be back in a moment."

He returned a few minutes later carrying a bottle of Anuran Dark and two glasses. Sonea knew what that meant, it was going to be a long night. He poured wine for them both and got back into the bed, settling himself against the propped up pillows before taking a long swallow of the dark red liquid. Sonea sipped her wine and waited for him to speak.

"I know that you were pregnant when we fought Kariko, is that what you were so afraid I would find out if I entered your mind?"

She nodded, "Yes, I didn't know how to tell you because it happened so long ago and I hadn't mentioned it then and the longer it went on the worse it became. I was always going to tell you, but it never seemed the right time but I didn't mean to let it go on for years."

"Something happened during that battle, something that you think has affected Justen."

"There was great pain, but it only lasted a moment, so I thought nothing of it. Later, it happened again, and for weeks afterwards, I would get a sharp echo of the same pain, only for a second or two. Then it all stopped and I put it out of my mind. It was only after we found out about Justen, that I realised it was all my fault. I let him get hurt and he has to suffer because of me."

Akkarin said nothing and she glanced at him. He was deep in thought, so she waited, fighting back tears as she relived the emotional burden of discovering her responsibility for Justen's condition.

"It was not your fault," he said softly, "how were you to know the consequences, but it does explain much. I believe that somehow, the Ichani strike caused particular elements of their magic to blend with yours in some way. I don't know how but the two forms of magic merged and found a focus in the child. That would account for the two sides of Justen's magic, that would account for the Other."

It all made perfect sense to Sonea. She also realised that what Akkarin had said came as no real surprise to her. _I must have realised this from the start, but didn't want to see it. How could I have been so blind?_

"What must we do now?"

Akkarin glanced at her, as if weighing up his words carefully, "I need to understand your dream. The only way I can do this, is to experience it for myself and you know what that means."

It was Sonea's turn to be silent. Although her guilty secret was now in the open, she still felt reluctant to have someone else, even if that someone was Akkarin, sit in her mind the whole night. And if her dream failed to materialise, for other nights until it did. _Why am I so reluctant?_ she asked herself. _There is no need to be frightened of Akkarin._ A long buried memory surfaced of Lorlen carrying out a less than comfortable truth reading on her during her noviciate and discovering Akkarin practised black magic. Yes, that was it. From that reading of her unprepared mind had flowed all the problems that Akkarin and the Guild had faced in recent years, to say nothing of her own struggles. Somehow that experience had created a strong feeling deep within her that her mind was sacrosanct. But how could she explain that to Akkarin without recreating the mistrust between them? He was staring at her, wondering at her continuing silence.

"Akkarin, I know you mean no harm, and I do trust you, but somehow the very idea of it creates…. oh, I don't know … some sort of panic. It sounds so silly, but whenever you suggest it, I feel fluttering in my belly and it becomes difficult to draw a breath. It's all so stupid…" Her voice faded away as a rational explanation escaped her.

"We have tried everything to get you to remember, but nothing's worked. We both know the only way is the way I suggest. You will just have to trust me, Sonea. You know I would do nothing to hurt you."

"But I do trust you!" Sonea burst out. "It's not that, I just can't explain!"

Akkarin carefully removed the glass of wine from her outstretched hand and set it down. He discarded his own, and took her in his arms, "We will work something out, don't worry. We must think only of Justen and the Other and forget about our own fears and worries."

She laughed suddenly, "You know I have very little fear of fighting the Ichani. I would do anything to protect you and Justen from physical harm. I would ride into battle tomorrow if necessary, so why can't I accept the idea of you watching my dreams? It's all so stupid!"

"We have a little time. The Other is not yet strong enough to do without us. We need to keep talking about your dream and my solution, you need to consider every aspect of what it would mean to you to have me in your mind for such a long period of time and then tell me how you feel. We will work though it together, like we have worked through many other difficulties over the years."

Sonea felt herself relax at the reassuring words. Akkarin would do nothing without her consent so she needn't fear he would simply take control of her mind. _We will be able to work it through. We will find a solution._

 _Yes_ , she sent, _we will keep talking until I get rid of my stupid fears._

Akkarin's mental voice whispered through her mind. _Come let us think of other, more pleasant things. There are no more secrets between us now._


	27. Brothers

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **Brothers**

Justen wriggled himself further down into the fodder until only his face was showing. The fodder loft had been one of his favourite hiding places ever since he was able to wander off on his own. He had always wondered why Taken could not find him, but both Syma and Verrin could. That was when he was very little, before he learned about magic.

He loved magic. It was difficult for him to imagine not being able to hear people's voices in his head, or being able to create small objects which looked exactly like real objects. There was a time when he couldn't hear any sounds, or talk to his parents, but it seemed so long ago now. His parents were teaching him magic, but sometimes it seemed as if they taught him ever so slowly, holding him back, when all he wanted to do was learn as much as he could as quickly as possible. But no matter how hard he tried to change things, Syma and Verrin moved along at the same measured pace.

The sweet smell of the fodder was one of his favourite scents. He found it relaxing, lying in the fodder loft, the horses moving around in their stalls beneath him. He couldn't hear their movements, of course, but every so often he caught an odour of warm horse wafting up to mingle with the dried fodder smells, as they shifted position. It was a wonderful place to think. Justen liked to think.

Ever since he had reasoned his way to the idea that someone else took control of his body from time to time, he had been trying to find out who it was and what it was he, she or it wanted. The valley where he lived was a long way from any other houses and was home only to three other people besides himself, so whoever it was did not live here. At first he had wondered if the person was invisible. He remembered trying to ask Verrin about invisible people, but his father simply stared at him a moment before laughing.

 _There's no such thing as an invisible person_ , he had sent. _Whatever made you think there was?_

Justen didn't like it when Verrin laughed at him, it made him quite angry, so he had made no answer. Later, he had asked Syma the same thing. She didn't laugh, but she was quite clear that the whole idea of invisible people living around them was impossible. She did say that sometimes a very skilled magician could hide himself or herself for a time, but it was difficult and took a lot of power, so it was not done for long periods. She had also said quite firmly that there were no such things as invisibility cloaks or other things that would hide a person so that they could move around as normal, which had been his second question.

After those conversations, Justen dismissed the idea of whoever it was borrowing his body being invisible. There had to be another explanation, but after several days of trying to work it out, he was no further forward. When Justen found himself unable to think round a problem, he tried to empty his mind because sometimes an answer just popped into his head. It may not always be the right answer, but even incorrect ideas sometimes contained a clue which pushed him into the right direction.

He decided to try this approach now. He made sure he was comfortable, moving several pieces of rather scratchy fodder, until he was lying on a smooth surface. Then he slowly emptied his mind of everything. He had developed a technique recently which made this much easier than the first few times he tried it. He imagined each thing in his mind as fitting into his hand, then he simply opened a door and put whatever it was into the darkness behind the door, then shut it tightly. The result was an empty mind, just like an empty room.

Justen lay still, focussing on nothing, thinking of nothing, simply waiting. Time seemed frozen. Then a door opened in his mind. Not the door he used to hide things, but a different door Justen had never seen before. He stared at it as it slowly moved, the gap, at first dark and narrow gradually widening until the door was half open.

Justen could feel his heart pounding in his chest until he thought it might leap from his breast, his inner vision fixed on the open door. Whatever he was expecting, it was not the slim dark youth who came through. He seemed very familiar, but Justen couldn't think who he was.

"Hello at last, Justen," the youth said.

"I can hear you!" Justen said and then realised that he too was using ordinary speech to communicate with the youth.

His visitor smiled, but gave no answer, and strolled around the empty room as if looking for something. Having satisfied himself that there was nothing in the room apart from the two of them, the young man came to a halt in front of Justen.

"I wondered how long it would take," he mused, all the time staring quite intently at Justen.

Justen wondered what he was talking about, "Who are you?" he asked.

His visitor gave a sly look and smirked, "I suppose you can say I am your brother," he replied.

"My brother?" Justen was puzzled. He was an only child, and as much as he had wished for a brother or sister, he knew there was only him. However, he thought it wise to humour his unexpected visitor. "What is your name?"

"Ashjiko, my name is Ashjiko."

Justen frowned, it was such an unusual name, nothing like anything he had heard before. He said it silently, trying to assess how it would feel to say it. Having practised silently a few times, he felt confident enough to say it aloud.

"Ashjiko?" he said slowly, "that is a strange name. Wherever did it come from?" He was immediately sorry he had voiced his thoughts, because Ashjiko suddenly looked rather angry.

"I may think that Justen is an odd name, but I would not say so to you," he retorted. "I chose it myself," he added proudly.

Justen rather admired a person who chose his own name. He was not too fond of his own, but then he had had no choice in the matter. "I'm sorry. I was just surprised to learn I had a brother. Why haven't I seen you before?"

"Because it has taken you a long time to find the doors in your mind. I have always been here, you have simply not been able to find me."

Justen thought about this for a while and realised that he had solved the problem of who had been borrowing his body, it had been his brother. That led him to another question, did his parents know? He put this to Ashjiko who laughed.

"Yes, of course they know! But they didn't want you to find out."

"Why?"

"It's very simple, you are a clever boy, Justen, with very strong magic. My magic is also strong and will be stronger soon. May be one day our magic will be greater than theirs and they are jealous. They do not want to think there is someone else who will be stronger and more powerful than they are."

The more Justen thought about this, the more logical it sounded. He didn't want to think poorly of his parents, but it would account for the slowness of his training. They simply didn't want him to realise the full potential of his magic and that, together with his brother's magic, it would be too strong for them. He felt duty bound to make some sort of protest, though.

"Syma and Verrin have taught me a lot."

"Syma and Verrin!" Ashjiko sneered, but then seeing the response to his tone in Justen's eyes, quickly added, "They try their best, but they are not as capable as we are together."

"Why don't you have a body like me?"

At first it seemed as if Ashjiko wasn't going to answer, then he asked a question of his own, "Why can't you speak and hear like everyone else?"

Justen thought about this. He didn't know why he had an inability to speak and hear but when he questioned Syma she had said he was special and because he had strong magic, he could communicate without difficulty. That was true as far as it went, but he knew that Takan couldn't really speak to him and the servant certainly couldn't hear voices in his head, so if Justen lived among other people who had no magic, he would not be able to speak with them either. He suspected that he and his parents lived alone because of his inability to communicate with anyone, rather than through choice. That made him sad because he would have liked nothing better than to have friends with whom he could do things like the people in his story books.

"Can you help me speak?" Justen asked hopefully, thinking that if Ashjiko was as good a magician as he had said, he could open his ears and release his tongue, but his brother was already shaking his head.

"No, I cannot, nor can I make myself a body. There are limits to what I can do, but we can share; if I can use your body sometimes, in return I can teach you some of the magic I can do."

That seemed a good deal to Justen. He knew that his body had already been borrowed without his consent, but he decided to keep that bit of information to himself for the moment. He guessed that he wasn't supposed to know that and he was uncertain how his brother would react if he let it slip. What he really needed to do was talk to Ashjiko as much as possible so that he could learn more. He had a lot of questions.

"If we are brothers, and you are here, we must have been born at the same time." Justen said slowly.

Ashjiko sent him an admiring look, "Clever of you to work that out. It is perfectly true, we are more than brothers, Justen, we are twins."

"Then why do you look so much older?"

"Here, in your mind, you can do lots of things impossible in the world outside. You made a door and hid things behind it. I made another door and came in here. You can change the way you look. Watch."

Before Justen's startled eyes, Ashjiko changed himself into the form of a very young girl who started to giggle as she skipped around the room, swishing her dress backwards and forwards. A blink of an eye later and the girl was transformed into a young boy playing with a large red ball.

Justen clapped his hands in glee. What a wonderful game! He looked down at himself and thought about what he wanted to look like. He saw his limbs grow longer, his body fill out as he dressed himself in a long black robe, just like the ones hanging in his parents' cupboard.

"That's right, Justen. Well done! You are going to be good at this."

Ashjiko's praise made Justen feel warm inside, just like the times Verrin or Syma praised his progress. He was going to enjoy having a brother to play with. He would no longer feel so alone.

The two of them practised changing their forms and clothing. Justen created two or three objects and was pleased to find each one he created became easier. He made himself larger, then smaller, older, then younger. Ashjiko stood and watched as Justen created more and more images for himself, pleased with the way the boy had reacted to his dramatic entry through the door.

"You will have to go back to the house soon," Ashjiko said after a while. "Our parents will be expecting you for your evening meal. You must not tell them you have met me, do you understand?"

Justen nodded. The fact that Verrin and Syma had kept the knowledge of his brother from him hurt. He had believed that they were a close family with no real secrets, but now he knew it just wasn't true.

Ashjiko smiled, "Don't look so sad, brother! I shall go with you and we can talk to each other and no one will know."

"Not even Verrin and Syma?"

"No, not even them."

Justen cheered up immediately. He had a brother, a brother who was also good at magic, and a place where they could meet and play. He was no longer a lonely little boy unable to make friends. He had a real friend at last.


	28. The Solution of the Last Resort

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **The Solution of the Last Resort**

Sonea sighed as she put the last of the chopped vegetables into the pot with the meat, and transferred it to the range. Things had not been going well.

After the joy of Akkarin's declaration of love and the passionate love-making which followed, Sonea had been sure that all their problems would soon be solved. They had talked, as promised, so that her fears had been overcome and she had welcomed Akkarin into her mind to view her dream, but despite his presence on several nights, the dream had refused to come again. Then he, Takan and Justen had gone to fetch some much needed supplies and on the very first night of his absence, she had experienced the dream once more. It was the same the next night. Sonea felt like screaming in frustration. _It is almost as if someone or something doesn't wish us to understand!_

But the capricious nature of her dream was not all. A few days before then, she had noticed there was something different about Justen too. For one thing, his recent truculent behaviour had changed and he was almost back to the sweet boy she first started to teach magic. She had no explanation for the change and thus she was suspicious of the reasons. She had raised her concerns with Akkarin, but he simply thought Justen was behaving better because of some new magic they had introduced into his lessons. Sonea knew, though, it was something more. There was nothing obvious but she felt a subtle change in his overall manner which was much more than simply better behaviour in lessons; however she couldn't pinpoint what exactly was different. When pressed to explain, Sonea couldn't put her feelings into words, but she knew deep down inside, call it her mother's instinct if you like, that her boy had changed. She just needed to convince Akkarin. However she didn't have the opportunity as he left with the others early the following day.

The decision to go down to the market to fetch supplies had been a sudden and unexpected one which led Sonea to wonder if Akkarin shared her suspicions and wanted some time away from her to observe Justen. He had not mentioned the matter so she began to think that it was simply a supply buying expedition after all. It was a fact that Takan was running low on herbs and spices, as she had discovered when preparing the stew, but did it really need all three of them to go? No, of course not! Therefore there had been something else in Akkarin's mind when he decided to go along with Takan and take Justen, it was just that he had kept his reasons to himself. She mentally added ' _as usual_ ' to that thought before remembering that their relationship was now on a different footing. _That didn't mean Akkarin would have no more secrets, though_.

They were due back today, she had already received a brief message to say they were beginning the climb, so she would find out if anything else lay behind Akkarin's sudden decision. She was also willing to wager with herself that the dream would absent itself again leading to a lot more frustration.

On the other hand, she was looking forward to having Akkarin back in her bed. Since his admission of love for her, it was almost as if they were starting out anew as lovers and she found her empty bed too big and too cold without him. Their nights were filled with passion, but their days were now full of lovers' glances and the frequent brushing of hands. It was this latter experience that she missed most, simply behaving like newly joined lovers, free to express their emotions in a way which had never happened before in all their years together. Sonea had noticed Takan staring at them at times and laughed to herself. The blood gem link must be humming with all the heightened emotions and longings.

After his announcement, Akkarin had said nothing further on the subject. There were no whispers of '…I love you…' during love-making or pledges of life-long devotion but by now Sonea was well used to his concealments. It no longer caused her pain when he made no further declarations of love. She didn't need that any more, it was obvious that he shared her feelings, she didn't need him to keep saying it. If only they could solve the problem of the Other, life would be perfect.

The stew was bubbling nicely, filling the air with a tasty smell, when she heard horses outside. A moment later the door banged open as Justen rushed in clutching a bulging pouch. Only stopping to give a swift greeting, he ran up the stairs to his room and Sonea heard his chamber door close sharply. No doubt he had been indulged and was in proud possession of a new book or game. Takan merely nodded to her on his way to the kitchen, several bundles piled in his arms, but there was no sign of Akkarin.

A few minutes later, she heard the door open again. She turned to face him, struck again at how completely he had changed. Who would now recognise the former High Lord in the man standing just inside the door? He was dressed in his usual tight leather trousers, with knee high polished boots. His jacket was carelessly laced, revealing glimpses of his fine linen shirt. The leather belt carried a wicked-looking slim steel dagger, enough to deter all but the most determined thief. He still wore his hair in the old-fashioned style he had favoured as High Lord, but now it was longer, tied back with a leather thong, rather than black velvet. His whole appearance gave a message that this was not a man to tangle with, that this was a dangerous man. This impression was reinforced by the closely clipped beard and the seaman's gold ear-ring. There was nothing about him which indicated a magician, but still most people would instinctively go out of their way to avoid close contact with him.

Akkarin raised an eyebrow at her close inspection of him and she laughed.

"I was thinking that despite the lack of robes and obvious aura of strong magic, you are still a man people would make sure not to upset."

He made no reply, but threw his cloak on to a nearby chair and hung his dagger on its usual hook, before pulling her into his arms for a kiss.

 _I am glad you approve_ , he sent, his meaning going beyond reference to his appearance.

Sonea felt her heart flutter in anticipation of the night-time reunion to come. He gently disentangled himself and reached for a package which he put in her hands. She untied the string eagerly, it was too large to be a jewel, but small enough to fit her hands. As the fabric wrapping the gift fell away, she was left holding a silk sleeping garment of the most delicate shade of pink, embroidered around the neckline with tiny flowers nestling in a narrow band of lace.

"How lovely," she exclaimed, "I shall wear it tonight!"

But even as she said it, she was wondering how long it would take for Akkarin to divest her of it.

It was later, when they were alone, that their conversation turned to Justen.

"You were right," Akkarin said confirming her belief that he had used the trip to closely observe the boy, "Justen has changed. There is something different about him. He seems more confident, more aware of things."

"Do you know why?"

"I think so. Somehow Justen and the Other have come into contact with each other, and the Other is gaining influence over him."

Sonea nodded, things suddenly falling into place for her. "I had hoped it was simply that Justen was growing up and becoming less childish, but it makes perfect sense that the Other would make contact with him. He has to in order to become more powerful."

"The question is, what can we do about it?"

Sonea waited for Akkarin to reveal his own plan to deal with the situation, but he remained silent, looking across at her, waiting for her to speak. Not for the first time, she felt a tiny spark of fear that Akkarin didn't know how to deal with the Other. He had always been confident, whatever the difficult situation they found themselves in, and the Eye above knew how many occasions that had been, but this was different. It concerned their son and the danger he was in from the Other lurking within. He was still waiting for her response. She thought hurriedly and rushed to fill the silence, "Should we speak to him, explain…?"

Akkarin shook his head, "That would simply confirm what the Other has probably told him already, that we knew of him, but kept it from Justen. It would be fairly easy to convince the boy that he had been treated badly by us."

Sonea was shocked by Akkarin's assessment and opened her mouth to argue, before shutting it abruptly. He was right. The Other needed Justen's body to exist in the world, and it would be easier to obtain it if the boy cooperated. What better way to ensure that cooperation if Justen felt betrayed by his parents. That led her to the unsettling conviction that the Other was already using Justen's body and that accounted for the subtle changes they had noticed.

She glanced across at Akkarin, only to find him nodding agreement with her unspoken thought, "It seems the Other has been in control of Justen for longer and longer periods over recent weeks. Unless we can find an answer, it will be too late."

There was silence for a time as each were absorbed in their own thoughts. For Sonea, the feelings of happiness at Akkarin's return were gradually subsumed by her feelings of impending catastrophe. Events were moving at a much faster pace now and they were scrambling to keep up.

"What can we do?" she asked. "What can we do?"

"We continue to try to find a solution," Akkarin replied. He hesitated before continuing. "If we are unable to find one, there is one final thing we can do which will solve the problem."

Sonea stared at him. _A solution_? _Why hadn't he said so before?_ She started to smile, but her smile faltered at his expression. "What sort of solution?" she whispered.

"The final step to deal with an out-of-control magician – we can block his powers and take away his ability to access his magic source."

All the breath left Sonea's body as the blood drained from her cheeks. "You can't mean that!"

"I know what it would mean for Justen, but if we cannot solve the problem, then we can only try to prevent the problem spreading out over the Allied Lands. The only way to do that is to block Justen from accessing his magic. That would also block the Other from accessing it as well."

She didn't see him move, but he suddenly was there kneeling by her chair. He took her hand rubbing it gently. She could tell from his expression and the heavy tone he had used that Akkarin was as upset by the thought as she was.

"I have been thinking about this for a long time," he confessed. "The more I considered it the more I became convinced that, if all else fails, this is the ultimate solution to the problem. Without access to magic, neither of them can do any damage and we would still have our son."

"But he would be unable to send to us. He would be cut off in a world of silence."

"There are many people who cannot speak or hear and who have no magic to help them. We would have to teach him how to communicate with us, it can be done."

"He will not understand the reasons, Akkarin, you know that. He loves magic. I know how I would feel if I was prevented from using it. It would be worse for him because he cannot hear or speak. If the Other has turned him against us now, that will be nothing to how he will feel if we close off his magic."

"I know. That's why I have not given up on finding an alternative answer. That's why we must understand your dream. Do you honestly think this is a step I want to take? No, of course not. It is the solution of the last resort, that's all. Something to have in reserve if nothing else works."

He reached up and gently wiped the tears she hadn't felt from her cheeks. _It is not time for a final decision yet,_ he sent. _We must work on your dream, I am sure there is some sort of clue there. If it does come to it, then we must make things as good for Justen as we can. We can have more children so he is not alone._

It was then that Sonea realised that Akkarin did not know all her secrets after all.


	29. If not for Magic

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **If not for Magic**

Akkarin gazed sightlessly at the text he was supposed to be reading. All he could think about was Justen and the lack of progress he had made in solving his dilemma. He remembered as a boy, visiting the home of some friends of his parents, seeing an old hunting dog, now blind, but still excited by the sounds of the hunting horns, amble round and round his cage as if he were on the scent once more. _That is me_ , he thought, _blind to any solutions, yet still trying to find my way._

He became aware that he was still holding the book and in a moment of frustration, he flung it hard, so that it crashed against the wall and fell to the floor, pages flapping.

He hated failure, hated it with a passion. He did not fail…ever. Even as a slave to the Ichani, he had fought and plotted to escape time after time, enduring all their punishments no matter how harsh, until he was successful. He had maintained his position as both High Lord and black magician for years, successfully defeating all those the Ichani had sent against him regardless of the personal cost. If not for Sonea, he would be still at the centre of the Guild.

At this point in his thoughts, he mentally grimaced. It was wrong to blame Sonea for the discovery of his black magic books. She was not used, as he was, to living a double life. Yet, if he were honest, the means of his discovery still rankled. If she had hidden the books more carefully….. _This does no good! It is Justen you should be thinking of, not past wounds._

He forced his mind back to the present. Sonea presented a different problem now. Although she had seemed to understand his point that in the end, if all else failed, Justen's powers would have to be blocked, in truth she was far from accepting of it. After their discussion, she had not mentioned it again, but he could tell she was still dwelling on it and all it meant for her son. Over the years she had become adept at shielding her thoughts from him most of the time, but despite this, he could sense some of the thoughts which leaked out from behind her defences. She was utterly miserable and he suspected that the extent of her misery was because she recognised what he said was the truth. It all else failed, there was no other option if they wanted Justen to live.

Ever since his revelations, Sonea had simply been going through the motions of their daily life. She made conversation at meal times, she talked Justen through more of his magic lessons, she even turned to him at night in their bed, but Akkarin knew she was functioning like an animated doll, her heart was not in it any more. Several times, he suspected, she had taken refuge in her bath where her tears could mingle with the steam from the hot water. She was careful not to let him see the depths of her dejection, but it was there and he knew it.

Again frustration bubbled up and he slammed his hand against the table. _I don't know what to do!_ These feelings of helplessness were new to him. Always, he had a plan, and a plan beyond that one – he was well known for it throughout the Allied Lands – but now, it was impossible to find a way out that did not involve crippling his son by blocking his magic. _There has to be a way…_

 _The dream_ , in the end, his thoughts always came back to the dream. It had to be important, everything pointed to it; the frequent repetition, the sounds Sonea heard, the fact that her talisman from the Fort was creating crystals on her blue jewel, all of these things meant something. If only he knew what it _**was**_. He had scoured his limited resources, hunting down every reference to dreams and their meaning, but there was little there in the first place and nothing at all to explain this particular dream. He had a strong feeling, based on nothing he could identify, that time was running out. If they could not work out the message in the dream soon, they would have nothing.

He had not tried to overview the dream since their last discussion. He feared that Sonea would refuse her permission once more and there would be absolutely no chance to solve the puzzle. Somehow he had to persuade her to try again, but in her current mood, he was not sure if he would be successful.

Generations ago, Kyralians had turned their backs on their gods. What need was there for deities and powers when magic was strong and in the hands of mortals? They watched on with patronising amusement as the people of surrounding lands clung to the old ways and uttered prayers and gave gifts to a pantheon of different gods and demi-gods. But now Akkarin, for the first time in his life, regretted the actions of his ancestors. It would have been a relief to utter prayers for aid and have the comfort of thinking that somewhere, he was listened to and somehow an answer would come.

His lips curled in rueful amusement. If the Guild could hear his thoughts, he would be held up for ridicule. Why would the most powerful magician in the Allied Lands seek help from invisible deities who could chose to help or simply sit back and watch him struggle? And yet, there was something comforting in confiding one's fears and hopes to an unseen protector. Even the Ichani, with their strong black magic, had their pantheon of deities. Even Takan, long exiled from his native land, still feared Siryru and presumably still followed his people's gods, although he never spoke of them and Akkarin had never asked.

He sighed. There was no going back. He had no deities to worship, no-one to offer prayers and gifts, there was only himself. He gave himself a mental shake, it was time to do something. He uncurled himself from the chair and stretched. He ignored the books and parchments spread out on the table, and, pausing only to pick up the fallen book, smooth its pages and replace it on the table, he strode to the door. The main room was deserted and he remembered that it was Justen's Freeday, so the boy would be off playing with his toys, reading one of his favourite books or bothering Takan in the scullary. Akkarin wondered where Sonea was. He looked out of the window. The weather was mild today and the sun was shining. If she were not having another bath, he had a good idea where she might be.

She was where he expected, kneeling in her garden, weeding amongst the flowers and bushes she had planted. She turned as his footsteps crunched gravel on the small path and offered a bleak smile.

"Did you track down the information you wanted?"

He shook his head and crouched down beside her. "We need to talk, Sonea."

She looked intently at him for a moment, before nodding. They had skirted round the problem for days, but they couldn't go on like that. He released a breath he hadn't realised he was holding and stood up, holding out his hand to help her rise.

"Let's walk," he said.

It was warm in the sun and the valley was looking its best after recent rain, many flowers taking the opportunity to bloom, but neither of them wasted any time admiring the view. They walked steadily along the valley floor, silent for the moment, but the silence couldn't last.

"I want to view your dream again."

"I haven't had it recently so perhaps it has gone."

He couldn't tell from her tone whether she was refusing him or not. Her words were plain, but her intention was not.

"I still think it is of great importance, otherwise it would not return so frequently." Akkarin paused for a moment, before continuing, ensuring that his tone was matter-of-fact and his voice calm. "Some part of you is trying to tell you something important. It's almost like a friend talking from another room, but you can't hear exactly what she is saying."

Something very like a snort came from Sonea. "If it is so important, why can't the message be plain! Why make a mystery out of it?"

She stared at him, obviously waiting for an answer. Silently he agreed with her, but it was not helpful to say so at this point in the conversation. "We are complex creatures, and our minds like to make puzzles for us to solve. Being magicians, with arcane skills simply makes it even more of a puzzle to test our understanding. But we are strong and determined and we will find an answer."

Sonea stopped and covered her face with her hands, "I wish I had never come into contact with magic," her voice was bitter, "I wish I was still only a dwell, living an ordinary life. It was so much easier wondering just where the next meal was coming from."

Akkarin caught her hands and pulled them down, "You don't really mean that, Sonea. You are a good magician. You use your magic to defend, to help others and to nurture. Your life has purpose and your magic brought us together."

Throughout his little speech, Sonea had stared into his face, the small bitter smile which had grown so familiar to him in the last few days, playing on her lips. She slipped one of her hands from his and laid her palm against his cheek, "Yes, without magic we never would have met. But perhaps you would have been a better magician without me and you would still be High Lord if not for my mistake."

He covered her hand with his, "A better magician, perhaps, but not a better man. I would not change being with you and Justen for the life I had before, alone in the Residence, simply waiting for the next battle."

They remained staring at one another for a moment, then he caught a glimpse of the old Sonea as she smiled with genuine warmth, "I would not change my life either, we are a family together and that's all that matters. We will find a cure for Justen."

They resumed their walk and Akkarin felt as if a weight had lifted from his heart. He knew that when he broached the question of the dream again, Sonea would agree to allow him in her mind and this time, he was sure, there would be an answer.


	30. The Dream Comes

Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan

 **The Dream Comes**

Sonea stared in the mirror as she carefully undid the knot and shook her hair loose. She watched as the unruly curls, freed at last from their daytime restraint, formed a dark cloud around her head and shoulders. She picked up her brush and began the nightly ritual of one hundred brush strokes. She would have preferred to keep her hair short, or at least tightly tied back at all times, but she knew that Akkarin preferred it loose and long.

When her hair was brushed to her satisfaction, she continued to stare at her reflection. Tonight, Akkarin would sit in her mind to overview her dream. Yesterday, after days of absence, it had returned, louder and more terrifying than ever; so much so, that she had started awake almost immediately, a scream rising from deep within her. Akkarin had comforted her, but she could tell that he was relieved that the dream had made its appearance again. By tacit agreement, he would once again try to overview it, and this time, Sonea felt sure, he would be able to see what was happening. _He has to!_

She sighed. Akkarin was waiting and she could put off the moment no longer. She couldn't explain why she was frightened both by the dream itself and by Akkarin occupying a corner of her mind, but she could feel the first tendrils of fear curling around her gut. _Perhaps it is because I am afraid that he will not see anything and Justen will be_ locked _away in silence for the rest of his life._

She put down the brush and walked over to the bed. Akkarin was leaning back against the pillows, reading a text, one of several stacked on the floor by his side. As she neared him, he put the parchment down and smiled. It was the smile that had captured her in the early days of her awakening feelings for him, the smile that was warm and inviting, hinting of a sharing to come. She felt her heart jump and a familiar longing begin to spread through her body chasing away her fear. She loved him so much and although her maternal instinct was very strong, she knew, as always, if it came to a choice between Akkarin and her son, it would be Akkarin that she thought of first.

She slid into the bed, feeling his arms move around her to hold her close, as she buried her face in his chest. The soft, sensuous drift of his hands intensified her desire as their bodies settled into familiar rhythms. She put everything else from her mind and gave herself up for the moment. She had no way of knowing how long their passion lasted. It was almost as if it were two different sequences happening at the same time – one long, slow and deeply satisfying, the other short but explosive. All she could do was experience the sensations and ride the waves of desire that flowed from their bodies' movements. At the moment of release, Akkarin's mental voice stole softly into her mind. _I love you Sonea, I love you._

OOOoooOOO

Akkarin watched as Sonea's breathing slowed. She was drowsy from their love-making, but the smile which curved her mouth spoke of her delight. It was as he had hoped. Their mutual passion had both released her tension and relaxed her, so that falling asleep would be easy. He continued to look at her and wondered why it had taken him so long to recognise just how much he loved this woman who had come into his life unwanted, as a hostage, and who stayed to become his companion, his lover and the mother of his child. It had been a long struggle for him to recognise his own feelings and give voice to them, now he could not conceive of ever loving another.

"What are you thinking?" Sonea's voice interrupted his thoughts.

He smiled down at her, "Only that you are essential in my life and I could not imagine being without you."

She raised an eyebrow as though questioning his sincerity, then as if realising the truth of his words, she put her palm to his cheek and murmured, "I feel the same."

It was tempting to renew their lovemaking, but time was against them. The dream must come and he must be ready.

"You need to sleep now," he said softly, settling her against him.

She nodded and closed her eyes, ensuring that her mind's defences were dismantled so he would be free to wander. Over the years, he frequently had occasion to step into many people's minds and it always struck him how different one was from another. He had never ever seen two the same. Many, especially those who had little of their own, created minds full of chests of jewels and expensive possessions, some furnished their minds with weapons, shields and armour, other minds were just crammed with all manner of things cluttered together with no apparent rhyme or reason. All of this creation was done unconsciously and everything was simply a manifestation of people's deepest desires or fears.

Sonea's mind was a series of interconnected rooms, each resembling an area in a big house. They were light and airy. She had not furnished them with many things, yet he knew that if confronted with a series of minds, he would always be able to identify Sonea's. Her mind spaces were in marked contrast to the darkness and locked and barred rooms in Justen's mind.

He wandered through the rooms, trying to remember exactly what Sonea had described. Mostly, her memories were fractured, but one consistent thing was the semi-darkness, another was the sense of space. Somewhere in these rooms, he knew, he would find Sonea. Once she was asleep, her essence would appear in her mind as she began to dream. He needed to find her, so that when whatever it was came for her, he would be in the right place.

He entered a long hall, at the end of which he could see some type of platform and there was Sonea, lying as he had last seen her, asleep. He stepped towards her, looking for a place to wait. There, almost as if planned for him, was a chair. He sat down, his mind alert, ready and waiting for the dream to play out. He had done this several times before, only to find the dream did not occur. However, this time, he was sure, it would happen and at last he would find the answers he needed. Or at least that was his hope.

He was not aware of time passing, although he knew it was. Sonea lay undisturbed, and he began to think that once again he was mistaken and nothing would manifest itself this night. Then, faintly, as if from a great distance, he heard the chime, the sound made by the Corres Fort talisman and the carved figure of Siryru knocking together. At the same time, the light began to dim so that the shadows cast by things in the room deepened and grew darker.

Sonea began to move her head from side to side, as the dream began to play, making soft sounds as she moved further into the dream. Akkarin watched her, but did not make any attempt to touch her. If he awakened her here, she would awake in their bed and the dream would be gone.

He heard another sound, getting louder and louder - the sound of wings beating powerfully. Sonea had not been able to identify it, but he had heard it before, a long time ago, when he was still a novice, but experimenting with ancient forms of magic. As the sound came nearer, Akkarin began to realise what was coming. He could feel fear slip into his belly despite his best efforts to deny it. He found his hand had taken hold of his own talisman and was holding it so tightly, the crystals dug into his hand.

Louder and louder came the noise, nearer and nearer came whatever was coming. Akkarin rose to his feet, ready to face it. His fear was now a cold snake coiled around his gut, squeezing and squeezing. He forced his mind to disregard it, he would need all his concentration to deal with what happened next.

Just when he felt the noise could get no louder, it stopped, the resulting silence almost more shocking than the sound had been. He strained his hearing, but there was nothing to hear. The gloom became heavier, he could no longer see the entrance to the hall, then he heard it, the sounds of footsteps moving slowly but steadily towards the room. There was a faint echo which rebounded from the shadows until the sound of it filled the hall. His breathing slowed as he used magic to control his body's responses. Fear and dread would be of no help here. The footsteps ceased and silence fell once more. He stared into the gloom, but could see nothing.

 _Who is there?_

There were no tremors in his mental voice and for a moment he felt pride in his performance before crushing the self-indulgent feeling. There was no answer, but he could see a slight disturbance in the gloom enveloping the hall. The shadows lengthened and shifted, creating dark patterns in the darkening gloom. If the process continued, the whole area would be black against black.

 _Who is there?_

There was again no answer to his query, but he sensed movement near the hall's entrance and as he stared in that direction, he could see pale shadows begin to form against the darkness. As he watched, the shadows began to form a shape which he found was familiar to him.

 _Who dares to question?_

The presence's mental voice was icy cold and it was all he could do to prevent a shiver down his spine.

 _I am the companion of her to whom you sent the dream._

Almost instantly, the gloom lifted and he could see the vague figure of a woman standing near the entrance. She began to glide forward, no sound of footsteps now, until he could see her clearly. She was dressed in blue flowing robes which fluttered gracefully about her as she moved. The robes gave off silver sparkles of light from the crystals scattered over them with each movement she made. Her face was extremely beautiful but inhuman, with jewelled eyes which slanted sharply upwards at the outer corners. Her hair fell in long silver ringlets which rippled over her shoulders and down her back. On her head was a diadem of silver, heavily encrusted with dark sapphires. She was a dazzling figure and he found it difficult to keep his eyes focussed on her.

At last, she came to a stop just a few steps away from him. She was tall, much taller than he and he guessed she was a thousand times more powerful than he had ever believed possible. Behind and towering over her he could see the shadowy outlines of the great winged creature that she truly was.

Siryru.


End file.
